Your thoughts? People really go through the hassle of doing this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2013
Your thoughts? People really go through the hassle of doing this?
10
Wed, 10-02-2013 - 2:17pm

Hi everybody!

This was quite a few years ago, but I still think about it every now and then. My fiance, "Gage," unfortunately cheated on me (not physically) a few years back. One thing I still think about were the emails exchanged between him and the random girls whom he met via dating sites, Craigslist, etc. He never cheated on me with girls he knew personally, at least I don't believe so. That's why I'm here; to figure that out. 

Within the email exchanges were photos of his **ahem** and old pics of him in his Military uniform. (He's no longer in the Military and I didn't know him when he was in the Military). The women would in return send photos of themselves touching themselves and many nude ones of all races and sizes. A few in particular I still question to this day; there were many photos of women that actually went through the trouble of photoshopping those "comment bubbles" and would say things like, "Lick me Gage" or "Do you want this Gage." I feel kind of silly thinking about this because I may very well be reading too much into this but I sit here and wonder how so many people would go through the trouble of "personalizing" stuff like that. It gives me the idea that they knew him personally. Is it silly of me to be thinking about this? I honestly don't believe he fooled around with women he knew. This is just me, but if I were to go through the hassle of personalizing a message within a photo like those women then it would be for someone I knew personally. Do you think these women actually knew him? 

What are your thoughts everyone? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

For all you know they could have been hookers.  It doesn't mean that they ever met in person--maybe that's how they had fun, just sending pics and talking.  It amazes me that people will post pics of themselves naked on CL (including their faces) for the general public to see!

Avatar for StephanieOC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Everyone has a past, some more colorful than other's. Now that you are engaged, it is more productive to focus on the future. Obviously, your fiancé needs to chat with you and not other ladies on-line or through any other medium. I am assuming that was made clear some time ago. Good luck and enjoy this wonderful time in your life :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Do you know anything about the internet?  This nonsense isn't unusual, as a matter of fact it's common.  Have you ever seen the TV show "Catfish"?  People put up phony personals ads, phony facebook accounts, and Craig's list is known for it's raunchy personals ads!  And some people who respond actually believe what they see and hear.  A lot of these women are usually fat, old, ugly, or socially challenged so that they have no personal life, and they use phony pictures to pretend that they do.  What's really sad is the people like your b/f who need that kind of stimulation.  In any case, you really shouldn't be worrying about something that happened a long time ago with him, and you either need to trust him now, or not have a relationship with him because without trust, there's no point in being with someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2013

I know plenty about the internet, though I wouldn't call myself a "pro." It's just mind-boggling the extent to which people go. 

I'm working on trusting my fiance, to be honest. Sometimes beyond our control, the past has a way of sneaking up on us. Even though he hasn't given me any reason to distrust him now it's still hard. When I saw all of the pictures of dozens of women calling out my fiance's name it really hurt. Time heals all eventually, some sooner than others. 

To conclude, I still manage to surprise myself with all of the things people can do online. It's amazing yet sad at the same time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

You said you didn't know him then, so what's the big deal?  He has a past.  I'm sure you have a past.  What happened then has no bearing on now, except for the fact that whatever you or he did in your pasts made you what you are today.  There is no point in living in the past!  It's over and done with!  If he should come across a picture of an old b/f of yours, would you expect him to go into orbit and not trust you?  Even if he MET with some of those women, that was THEN, and this is NOW.  If you can't or won't trust this guy NOW, then do yourself and him a favor, and don't marry him!  Are you aware that when you don't trust someone (when they've done nothing to cause that distrust) that only shows that you're an insecure person!  Work on your own self esteem......and things will look different to you. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2013

I apologize for the confusion. I didn't realize my mistake. 

I didn't know him when he was in the Military, no. What I meant was that he was using pictures to send to women in his old uniform while he was with me. It wouldn't make sense for me to dwell on anything that he did long before he met me. I meant during our relationship a few years back, but yes regardless it happened in the past. Some people have a harder time than others moving on, such as myself. When that happened, my trust in him was gone. It's slowly but surely filling up again. I hope that makes sense.   

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006

If this is still bothering you...then why are you engaged?Obviously there are some unresolved issues still going on in your head.Do you trust him?Without trust...you don't have anything. Either you just leave all this in the past and have a future with him OR you end the relationship and forge ahead a new beginning without him and NOT have to worry about that part of your life again. I say if something like this is still bothering you...then you need to think if you can marry this person still with thoughts like that in your head.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2013
Getting into a relationship with doubts and mistrust? Ask yourself if you want to give this time and talk it over with him, clear the air and enter the relationship with trust for each other. He has probably never met those women, but if you have any doubts in your mind, that'll never let you be at peace with him. Clear the air, talk to him. I am sure things will work out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010

Maybe he was visiting a particular site where one of the features is to "personalize" the photos and replies? Was he going to any pay sites? Apparently some women DO go to the trouble of putting the caption, maybe because they expect more results?

How long ago was "quite a few years ago"?

Since this is still bothering you, its probably because you didn't feel 100% satisfied with the answers you got back then or with his honesty. You still have doubts that he didn't really know any of the women, and maybe you're not sure you believe that he didn't actually get together with any of them either. Or maybe its just that you are insecure, but I think you need to deal with it fully and get it resolved before you marry him.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

  Your post reminds me of Shrek movie where Fiona meets Shrek for the first time with all her "how it is supposed to be"  romantic (from books) feelings.   Could it be that you need to have more confidence in yourself?

dragowoman