This board seems quiet but I'll still post something anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
This board seems quiet but I'll still post something anyway.
3
Thu, 12-27-2012 - 8:31pm

I used to be a frequent visitor of iVillage way back in time, probably 8 years ago or so.  I pop in and lurk from time to time but with my current life it's not often.

Anyway, I am a woman married to a man and we have a young son.  I've known since about 1st grade that I like women but I never once acted upon it before I was married.  I messed around with a lot of men but always found it to be awkward to meet men and moreso to meet a woman.  I am having feelings of "what if this wasn't supposed to be" and just in general not in love with my DH right now.  I love him as my son's father but I can't muster even the slightest feeling to even enjoy sex with him.  I've been feeling for a while that I should be experimenting with a woman but I am a devout monogomous person and cheating is my worst enemy in my mind.  So, do I continue to explore those feelings or just drop them and settle for a sexless life with DH?  I take care of him, of course but when it comes to me...it's just not "doing it" for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2011

Suggest a threesome with him. At least that way if he agrees it's not a cheating environment and it will allow you to experiment to see if it's what you prefer. Ending a marriage is never an easy thing to do. If you truly aren't in love with him, as you say. then you need to end it and then possibly explore on your own. You don't have to enter into a relationship right away obviously but then you don't have to worry about the "cheating". And btw, a threesome is not cheating when you are both involved...only if one of you continues the relationship outside of the 3 without the other paerson knowing. You never know. It may be just what you want. If not, at least you tried. Ask him. He may be up for it but if not tell him how you feel. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008

That is a definite option I've thought about.  We just barely have time with alone adult time with no babysitter.  I am truly hoping something goes our way soon to allow us to have more couple time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2002
I have a brother whose wife left him for another woman. He was devastated, his world was turned upside down. However, that is not the part that irked me. It was the way she did it. She didn't admit she was a lesbian living a lie. She broke him down and told him everything that she didn't like about him, and to this day, I still don't think she will say that was the reason. My personal feeling towards her would be tremendously different if she had just admitted or stated that that was the reason. If it was because she was living a lie, I would have no problem with that because that is who you are. You can't continue to be who you are. Please, just be honest with yourself and with him as well. I'm not saying it will be easy. I have suspicions about my wife as she knew her years ago and was adamant that she wasn't shocked. She says it was because of the stories she told, my feelings is it's because they fooled around, but I don't know that.... but I would be ok with that. If it was a situation where she needed to be with a woman once in a while, but wanted to keep the family together, I would be ok with that as well. But if it is a situation where you are a Lesbian and that's who you are, then you have to be honest. Again, you are who you are. You're not doing this on purpose. Just my two cents