It's official. (m)

Avatar for kittylover2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
It's official. (m)
3
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 10:55pm
My dear friend has been a little distant lately, less likely to invite me over, etc. Today she asked me what I think of her involvement with a new/old male friend. I asked what there was to think, and she told me he wanted a relationship. She led me to believe that even though this is not sure what she wants, they have already slept together. I suspected as much, but I have no claim on her. Nothing has ever happened between us of a sexual nature, except in my imagination, and it is clear that it is likely that nothing ever will. I told her that if she was looking for advice, I was not a good person to ask. For one thing, I am hardly any expert on romance, and most of what I know about relationships is how to avoid them. She put her head down and did not look up for awhile after I said that. She was cleaning the floor at the time, but she seemed to give the floor more attention than necessary in my personal estimation. I did not know what else to say. She assured me he is a really nice guy, and I reminded her that all of her bf's including the father of the youngest, really seemed nice at first. I also suggested that she may not have the best judgment when it comes to men, because she seems to jump from one relationship right into another to avoid looking at her relationship with herself. She acknowledged that I had a point, but said she did not want to intellectualize about it that much. I don't know what she was hoping I would say, but I told her that the only thing I suggested is that she think about what she wants and needs, not let anyone pressure her into anything, and be good to herself. Hardly Ann Landers advice, but the best i could do under the circumstances.

Kitty

Avatar for cl_trinityz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 11:06pm
I think you did a wonderful job Sweetie!


You composed yourself quite well, The hardest thing to do is tell someone that, in a situation like yours, they need to do what is best for them. You fear they will not choose you. I have been there, myself. You made some valid points and I can only hope that she will think about what you said.


I know it hurts.... You have been through a lot with AND for this girl. If you ask me Sweetie, You deserve someone who is willing and able to give you the love & attention YOU need. There comes a time when you need to refocus your attention.... I would be afraid right now that the perfect woman could walk into your life and you wouldn't even notice.

:o(


You are a wonderfully, beautiful woman. It pains me to hear that you have gone through so much. Sending you HUGE cyber (((HUGS)))



Cheers, Trin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 1:15am
You were so brave to say exactly what's on your mind, you really talked turkey, and I congratulate you. Just the mere fact that you told her exactly what you thought proves that you can be a friend of integrity and honesty. On the other hand, I'm sorry your hopes for this woman fell through.
Avatar for berlinbetty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:35pm
Kitty, you did a very good job on giving your Dear Friend that advice. Keep with it. Ask her what she sees in her future, and help her to obtain it. If you can, get her to focus on herself and the well-bing of her children. Make her a stronger woman.

Yes, you may never be her lover, :-( ... BUT, you will *always* be her friend. If it wasn't for my best friend showing me her wisdom, I don't know where I would be. And note, all relationships are foundated on friendship. It's what holds two people together, even when all the ruff stuff the world had/has/will hand out to each one.

{{{ HUGS }}} Kiddo!

Hearts and Flowers

B