KIDS

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
KIDS
2
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 12:00pm

Im not sure where to post this, but i will try here!

ive met a really really great woman (via internet and have not physically met yet), but we have a strong connection on all levels and get along great.  we've spoke of meeting and spending time together and im hoping to be able to do that soon.  there is one deal breaker though - she has 4 kids (ages 10-5) and says she doesnt want anymore.  i have no kids and im wanting that experience of being pregnant and enjoying motherhood with a child of my own.  of course, i would love her kids like mine, but i want to have this experience and bond for myself.  she is a school teacher and a gym coach and that is her concern.  i totally get it, but regardless if kids are involved or not, you are going to be "outed" to the kids and parents (bc kids talk) about your sexuality.  

my question is, do i continue to pursue this amazing relationship with her or do i walk away?  both of hate this situation and neither know what the healthy and right thing to do would be.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2011
In reply to: crlnaqt00
Thu, 12-27-2012 - 10:27pm

You may think you have a great relationship and click so well but if you haven't even met in person I'd say the child talk is not something to be discussing right now. Be that as it may, if you have your heart set on being a mother naturally and she is set that the ones she has are all she wants then there really is no reason to continue this relationship unless you do it with the understanding that it most likely won't last long term. Neither of your feelings are likely to change in the future. She may seem like "the one" butif having children is a very big part of your life and if it's what you really want and she doesn't it isn't going to work between you. 

The last poster was right. Even if you have a child on your own while with her it will not be the same as her children. You must ask yourself if this relationship is really worth moving forward with. Are you willing to give up your dream of bearing your own child and settle for raising hers with her or is it something you can't live without doing? There is nothing wrong with loving her children and raising them like your own but it's not as easy as it sounds. You don't want to get extremely involved with her and attached to them all and then begin having feelings of resentment towards her or the children because they are not your own and you gave up having your own to giver her what she wants. 

Take your time and figure out if she is willing to compromise and give you what you want or if it's going to be  a deal breaker. Good luck and I hope things go the way you want them too. Let us know!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2012
In reply to: crlnaqt00
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 5:56pm

Yeah, good luck with that. I also thought I found "an amazing" relationship with someone online. What I have found is real-life isn't the same as online. I ended up getting my heart broken after one year, but I'm much wiser now. Btw, she sounds selfish. Her kids will always come first with her before you do.