Question on Male Homosexuality/Masterbation

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Question on Male Homosexuality/Masterbation
5
Mon, 02-11-2013 - 12:27pm

I recently learned my husband (while he was a priest, is no longer one) had a homosexual relationship with another priest (who is still practicing). The relationship went on for 5 or 6 years. My husband tells me that the only homosexual activitiy that occured during those years was the other priest masterbating him. I kind of find this hard to believe; wouldn't this kind of sexual activitiy lead to other sexual activity? 

I also found years worth of letters from other priests to my husband in a box in our attic. It is hard to tell from the letters if other sex occured with other men, but the letters indicate my husband and the other men were thinking about it. 

My key question is: in a homosexual relationship, do you think (from your experience) having one man masterbate the other would lead to other activitiy, especially over such a long period of time?

My husband and I are now separated and I am seeking a divorce soon. Please answer me as honestly as you can. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2011
Thu, 02-14-2013 - 11:46am

Is that the reason for your pending divorce?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Sat, 02-16-2013 - 2:00pm

Partially. There are other issues. I wish you would have answered my question! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2002
Fri, 03-01-2013 - 1:50pm
Well, my experience, I used to rub against a pole in my basement because it felt good, but didn't really know why, just knew it felt good. Then a friend told me about masterbation and then showed me how he did it. Which, at some point, turned to I'll touch your if you touch mine....Then turned to oral sex and eventually anal sex. We were teenagers at the time. Probably freshman-sophmore. We always pulled away or out before orgasm. I eventually wanted to taste it, so I tasted my own. Which much later in life lead to some periodic oral and anal, both receiving and giving. This sounds totally crazy but I don't consider myself homosexual or really even bi-sexual.... I just crave sex. I much prefer women, however it can be easier to find a man than a woman. But as I said, I much prefer woman, and if I was having sex all the time with a woman, I don't think a guy would ever cross my mind. I have never had a moment in my life where I looked at a guy and said..boy, he's hot and I need to have him...ever. Think what you must, but that's just how I feel I am married now and what I would consider under sexed. does it cross my mind? yes it does. I wouldn't be against a MFM or a FFM either. never gonna happen with my wife however...at least not the MFM anyway
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Mon, 03-18-2013 - 5:20pm

I think what your post is saying is that it's pretty hard to just have one man masterbate the other, without it leading to other sexual activity. That is my gut feeling about my husband. I've learned the relationship with this other man lasted over 20 years, so I cannot imagine that is all the sex they ever had. As a woman who has been married and learning this about your husband, it's sad and shocking. I had no idea. I think there were others as well. Thanks for your post. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2013
Sun, 03-24-2013 - 5:38am

While I believe your question is a simple one, the answer(s) are far more complex.What complicates an answer to your question comes from where your husband was willing to go (emotionally, physically, sexually and spiritually) with this other Priest.

To single out your question about masturbation relating to gay or bi people can be equally answered by heterosexuals. It is not only the GBLF community that masturbates but both men and women. The Priesthood does complicate such simple acts of biological need (sex/masturbation/fantasy) with guilt, shame, judgement, etc. but a man is still a man.

I don't believe that your husband's confession of masturbation went further but only *HE* has the honest answer to that question. I would think if he's confessed to what he did participate in, he'd probably have confided more to you if there were something more to discuss. I don't believe that masturbation leads to anything more "harder drugs" but then I don't see it as a "sin." Do you?

You can beat yourself up over where his relationships of the past have gone or accept where you are with the divorce. I can understand that you are probably emotionally hurting right now but let his honesty and trust in your confidence guide you to healing without letting the past affect the future.

But, gay/bi people do not, from my experience, masturbate any differently than heterosexuals... and it doesn't cause blindness.