supagrlXOXO... Evil Ex Advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
supagrlXOXO... Evil Ex Advice...
4
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 12:50pm
Okay, I read what you replied to yesterday, since I can't add more, I am going to start a new discussion! Obviously your ex is hurting and is lashing out. Since I don't know the circumstances around your break up, but your ex obviously has some wounds and a very bruised ego. It is almost like he is pointing the finger at your sexuality as to not have to point the blame of the breakup on himself. With destructive people like that, all I can say is ignore him. You tried to be civil, you even tried yelling and threatening, now is the time to ignore him. I would try to do some damage control by joking to friends and family about your ex who is so messed up that he would rather tell the world you are gay then to realize that maybe HE is the reason you split. Make it seem like you JUST heard it through the grapevine and that it is the most pathetic humorous thing you have ever heard. If you seem upset or concerned about it, it will just fan the flames. If you are laughing, people will laugh with you and AT THE BASTARD EX and not be pointing and whispering about you. :)

If you want to talk, feel free to email me and I will send you my AIM screenname :)

Leigh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 10:53pm
thanks for remembering and writing to me, I needed it...good advice...Its really sickening...obviously WE shared in some things as a couple that I always thought would stay between US...Its so embarrassing when your grandparents, parents find out sexual secrets that you dont even feel comfortable discussing....

It gets worse...I was served custody papers from my first x husband today (I have 2 kids with him, ages 10 and 8) that states...defendent has had sexual relations/or wants to have sexual relations with other women and It all stems from what my current STBX has told him...so now I will find myself on the stand testifying about this...its driving me insane!!! I try to laugh it off, but its really hard at times b/c it hurts...how could someone do something like this is all I keep asking myself

Avatar for cl_trinityz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 2:07am
I agree that your ex is obviously lashing out b/c he might have a bruised ego.


What he has done is inexcusable!!! I would be just as furious if I were you. He has now caused your ex husband to question your abilities as a mother..... Oh boy, If I could get my hands on this guy for you....

I guess the question I have for you is this.... Does your ex boyfriend have ANY proof that you have been involved with a woman? Like, photos or letters, etc. If he doesn't you might not have to worry about going to court. Basically what he says is considered heresay. Your ex husband HEARD about this or that...there is no solid proof. That could be your ace in the pocket. I am not saying that you have to deny it but all you really have to say is "you are believing something this guy says AFTER we broke up??? Sounds to me like he has a bruised ego, that's all" Know what I mean?

I don't know how the court system works down there but up here in, Canada, you need solid PROOF of being an unfit parent, like abuse of some sort.


In the mean time, ignore your ex. I know it is hard but if he knows that he is getting to you, in his eyes he has had the last laugh.

Keep your chin up Sweetie! We are supporting you 100%!!!


Cheers, Trin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 7:56am
Gosh your ex is causing all types of crap for you isn't he? I agree with Trin... so long as there is no proof of your bisexuality that crap won't hold in court. BUT if there is proof, or if you just don't want to deny it anymore, being gay or bi does NOT mean that you are an unfit mother in any way. If crap starts to hit the fan, contact tha American Civil Liberties Union (here is the link http://www.aclu.org/LesbianGayRights/LesbianGayRightsMain.cfm ) and they will help you find an ACLU supporting legal counsel and everything. Good luck sweetie!

Leigh

Avatar for berlinbetty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 10:04am
Supagrl, mind you, I'm not a professional, BUT ... I know how to talk my way out of ... things. *wink*

Evil Ex?? ... There's something into this. Supagrl? Leigh is correct, you need legal help in the area, of your ex-h, over your children, but there is a little more help you can get.

One, your exbf is bulling you. That's a positive and a negative, we already saw the negative. You can use his bulling you for your gain. No, you don't have to deny your bisexuality, but you have to cast a shadow of doubt about the both of your's break-up onto your exbf, and not on you being a "Good"/"Bad" mom. Nor do you have to "put-up" with his actions, and once you get the others to 'understand', they'll do the battling for you, including your ex-h. Maybe it'll stop his legal actions. But, it'll take a little oral 'fancy foot working' on your part.

OK, ... Ok, ... Here's my thoughts. Since your exbf is bulling you, use it against him. Go to Yahoo.com, go under Society & Culture, then under Relationship, then under Bulling, finally under BullyOnLine. Read, and learn. Here's what I would act/say: "How could *I* ever get involve with such a person, ... I don't know~ He *seemed* like a nice guy? *That's why *I* broke-up with him in the first place. I think he's bulling me because I broke-up with him and he's trying to get me back through picking on me. I went to the "bars", beacuse what 'good' girlfriend do such if they say they love their man. *He's* the one who suggested a threesome to *me*~"

Especially for your ex-h: "Did *I* ever mentioned *any* thing like *that* to YOU when *We* were married?" If he says, "You were always hanging out with your gfs > or of that nature." You say, "Women are social beings, WE HAVE to have people around us, or we will die inside, or self-destruct - taking everyone with us." Use the sterotypes.

Get what I'm saying? Don't just cast the shadow, ... sling that thang!!

My prayers and positive thoughs go with you. {{{ hugs }}}

Hearts and Flowers

B

PS Um, ... I think you hit your exbf's insecurity about him being GAY. Sounds like it to me.