More than frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2012
More than frustrated
9
Fri, 11-30-2012 - 1:26am

 I have been with  my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. We have  a non-existent sex life. We have been having  sex about once a month, and it's getting to be about every 2 months now. In my opinion, out sex life SUCKS. I don't want it this way! My BF is not gay, nor does he have a low testosterone count. He has intimacy problems, along with other dysfunctional issues that I have put up with for 3 years. He rarely makes any advances, but  when we do have sex, I am very unfullfilled. He doesn't even try to satisfy me. If I want to have an orgasm, I have to ask him to do it. When I do  ask him, he rarely gives me oral sex, he just uses his fingers.  Just last night(after 2 months) we were having sex, and I asked him to make me orgasm first. ( if he orgasms first, it's all over, and I miss out). So he started to give me oral. He kept pulling himself away, and finally after about 2 minutes he said his jaw was sore and he couldn't do it. I was so irritated, dissapointed and angry. The night ended badly, and I went to sleep hurt and woke up with a huge headache. It just seemed like he was giving me  a big excuse because he didn't want to do it. He then told me that I always complain and nothing is  ever good enough for me! OMG!. Am I losing my mind? It's not like we have sex 5 days a week and I am complaining about not having an orgasm every time. If we have sex ONCE  a month, I want to him to make me orgasm once a month and I think I deserve at least that! Am I being selfish??? I am so tired of dealing with this, I am ready to end it. He has issues that he needs to deal with, and he's not dealing with any of them. We live together, and I cannot afford to live alone right now, so I continue  so put up with this mediocre relationship.  This guy is 44 years old and I'm beginning to think that he is asexual. I know he masturbates, but he won't admit it to me.  He said that because I complain, he doesn't want to have sex.  I feel that he isn't attracted to me. I have asked him and he said he is attracted to me. I just don't get it. This relationship is affecting me in a negative way. I would really like to separate from him, but I just can't right now for financial reasons. Any advice???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-1998
Fri, 11-30-2012 - 8:26am

Solve the financial reasons and leave.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 11-30-2012 - 4:15pm
It is time to end this. I suggest getting you financial together then pestering him for sex constantly. You might try teaching him by praise rather than negative complaints. When I was very new to sex I had a great trainer who by praise trained me go from a one minute man to at times a 90 minute man. Praise can work wonders as anxiety and worries and negativity is poison to sexual happiness. Some men are very ignorant of female sexual anatomy. If he watches porn watch it with him. See what turns him on. yes praise,praise but praise when it is warranted. Talk about how he feels. I can see why he rarely approaches. You would too if all you heard was complaints( not that you feelings and criticizem is not accurate) but it does no good reaching your goals. "He has intimacy problems, along with other dysfunctional issues" Well what are these issues? Could they be part of what is causing sexual problems?

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2012
Sun, 12-02-2012 - 1:39am

The problem is that he masturbates. A man that doesn't need you to cum doesn't need to satisfy you. You women that put up with your men jerking off are damn fools.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2012
Sun, 12-02-2012 - 1:39am

The problem is that he masturbates. A man that doesn't need you to cum doesn't need to satisfy you. You women that put up with your men jerking off are damn fools.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2012
Fri, 12-28-2012 - 12:56pm

First thing, It's not that a man is not attractive too you, it's just that he know he can't please you in the way that you want to be please so he don't want to have sex. He needs to focus on himself! What you have to do is just come out and tell him that the sex is just not working for you. And if he don't want to try to fix the problem then you need to leave. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 1:50pm
You need to do one of two things. Either get a vibrator or get your finances to where you can leave him and do it. Your only other option is if you can't get your finances in order, go find a roommate to share their or your place with and get rid of him. He is self centered and apparently not interested in you or your feelings. You don't have to live like that. If your finances are so bad, you can look into government assisted living. Granted not the best of choices since they have limits and very poor conditions a lot of the time. Although around here they are pretty nice... You should work on getting him out of your life because he seems to have you and your needs out of his.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2011
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 3:59am

 SHOOTLISS :So he started to give me oral. He kept pulling himself away, and finally after about 2 minutes he said his jaw was sore and he couldn't do it.....Hilarious Tongue Out

He's playing you probably got someone else on the side.Get rid and find someone who appreciates you.

  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2013
Thu, 02-28-2013 - 7:20pm
It is not your fault , how long have you been married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 12:26am

As long as you stay there, you will have to put up with it.  His masturbation is his easy way of getting relief........you're too much effort for him.  There are probably other problems in the relationship.  Sex can be worked on, apathy and laziness can't be.  You've wasted 3 years of your life.....why waste more?  Get a secnd job, move in with a friend or relative......just get out!!!