Need help...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Need help...
6
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 11:25pm
Ok I'll get right to it, my dh wants a BJ in the worst way. However I just can't give it, yet. How do I over come my embarrassment, feeling like its very unladylike, and knowing if I do by the end of the day everyone will know!?
He won't hardly shower, no sex (until he gets a BJ, he thinks that denying me is going to make want me jump
Him, it only pushes me away like I'm horrible and worthless), it's all about him and what he wants. Sigh ive never given one and he wants the whole swallowing deep throat thing on my first time. I'm so frustrated with myself and him.
So how do I give one to a guy who makes me feel horrible for not just ripping off the covers and start sucking, I don't feel close to him half the time, he's promised things would get better between us once I do this. But he never keeps his promises and I just want to cry most of the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
In reply to: bpsl76
Tue, 10-16-2012 - 11:16pm
If he won't shower, tell him to hit the road. How could he expect you to want to go near his pecker with it so dirty and unsanitary? Does he go down on you, bet I can answer that...NOPE...Right? The heck with the bills, the heck with worry, the heck with him. If you don't or can't remember or have experienced foreplay then what kind of man and lover is he. He is too selfish, self centered, and self loving... next time tell him that he loves himself so much to give himself a BJ. You need to realize he may not be the man you married, and you may love him somehow for some off the wall reason, so you need to pack up and leave. Let him worry about the bills and what he's going to do to pay them and support himself. Just take care of the ones you have to and file for divorce. I'm gonna put this like a "Dutch Uncle": He is a slob, he ain't gonna change for the better only worse, he doesn't care about your feelings and he is about the most childish person I have heard about here in all the time I've been here. He won't grow up and you shouldn't be coerced into doing what he wants, no matter if it's in the bed or not. I hope you can appreciate the feelings this is intended. I never support divorce unless it seems to be the only choice. You might try a separation. Go stay with family and if he wants to see you, tell him to take a bath and then come take you on a date. If he asks for a BJ, just tell him to take you back. Be careful with him, he may turn mean and physically abusive not just mentally abusive. His forcing or coercing you to get a BJ is really considered "Spousal Rape" in some states. In any state, mental abuse is grounds for divorce. Good Luck and let us know how it's going.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2011
In reply to: bpsl76
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 12:31am

I can understand where you are coming from. I feel the same in my relationship. The man I fell in love with is not the person Im with now. He is lazy and just let himself go. His answer is I'm not trying to impress anyone. We are not intimate and I basically pleasure myself. I feel like Im in your shoes. If you want to talk email me privately. Maybe we can figure this all out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: bpsl76
Wed, 12-21-2011 - 1:49pm

Good grief... How old is he? I would suggest the you and he check out this site: http://www.the-clitoris.com/. Sounds like he doesn't quite now how a women's body works. Has he always been like this?

There is not reason in the world for you to have to put up with this for the rest of your life. But only you can decide if you are going to stay in this type of relationship. Sure, you may love him, but are you in love with him?

Other than that, I would maybe suggest some counseling. Whenever the two of you have sex again, don't let him get right down to business, tell him foreplay is a must for both of you, otherwise it ain't gonna happen.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2011
In reply to: bpsl76
Tue, 12-20-2011 - 10:46pm

Whiel there are so many alterantives and options available, plus we don't know hardly anything about your situation, other than what you have presented, but I will say that life is too short to go through it with someone that your not able to at least have a compatible sex life with. From a man's perspective, yes, we nearly all love oral sex, but the way he is behaving isn't very manly. As for pleasing you, and foreplay, have you tried to slow things down and explain to him that extending the intimate time you spend together rather than just rushing like a linebacker to the big O (orgasm) is something that should be experienced.

Find a sexy movie that you like, but still has some visual stimulation for him. Put on something loose and sexy and just hold each other and watch the movie. Light petting and massaging, hands, feet, and other non-sexual areas at first. Talk about what feels good, and what you like and how you like it. He needs to know these things, and you already know what he wants.

Hope he grows up. Keep us informed please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
In reply to: bpsl76
Tue, 12-20-2011 - 9:22am
Oh he knows I've never, doesn't matter. I've told him to shower and keep it up and I'll try, so he showered once I didn't start the second he came out of the shower because we both had to be place in 15 minutes and so now he says I don't keep my promises.

Foreplay? What's that?!?! I would love some but he's to hyper and it would take to long, let's just get to the main event. Then it's off to talk on his blasted cell phone, computer or watching TV. Before he cut me off totally, towards the end sex just left me feeling so empty. Not the spark and love there was in the beginning.

Why do I stay, partly I do love the man somewhere inside his spoiled rotten bratty child acting person, I don't have any family to go to if I left, and to top it off I have no money. What money I do get from my job goes to paying "our" bills, he's a salesman and sales have been slow so he's taken a second part time job.

He's not the person I fell in love with, but then again maybe I'm not the same either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: bpsl76
Tue, 12-20-2011 - 8:42am

WTF.... How long have you been married to this idiot? Sorry, but any man, or woman for that matter, that would pull this kind of crap on someone that they are supposedly in love with, is in idiot in my book.

Anyway, I would suggest that you just take it slow, tell him that's what you will do. Does he know that you've never sucked on



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006