Not sure how to ask for oral

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Not sure how to ask for oral
18
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 1:17am

Hello everyone! I have a question that I can't

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Sat, 03-12-2011 - 5:53am

Well I did ask my husband for oral sex two days ago and it didn't go well. He didn't say much other than he might not like the taste and he kind of shrugged it off. Well I did tell him that it was something that I really wanted to try and that I fantasize about often ( well for eight years with him!) and that if we tried it and he didn't like it, he wouldn't have to do it anymore. I just want to try it, besides I might not even like it. I highly doubt it though!

For the fairness part, I have tried things for him all the time. For instance, I've done anal sex a lot, I always give him a blow job (even if he was sweaty-which I don't find too sexy) and I always make sure he comes. I also have sex in positions that are uncomfortable for me but he likes or positions that I may feel embarrassed about but for his happiness. And all with a smile on my face and with enthusiasm.

However, I am a VERY clean person (if I even smell sweaty or feel sweaty anywhere I'll take a shower) and I am not completely shaven but I do keep things very neat. Actually I have shaved multiple times in the past and he never seemed to notice. I would never ever think about asking him for oral sex if I didn't think I was as clean as can be. This may be too much information but I've even had some irritation from soap before from "over-cleaning". I won't do that again!

I have thought about not going down on him but I think that would just make him mad and he wouldn't even give me sex. Besides, I don;t think I'd be a good wife for that! And he wouldn't be very happy. So I guess some rushed sex is better than no sex. :smileysad:

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 3:41am

I'm sorry your husband is being like that. It isn't fair at all. Plus, he hasn't even gone down on you, yet he's rejecting the taste? I don't know from personal experience, but I'm pretty sure that each woman doesn't taste exactly the same.
It also bothers me some that you say that if you would pull back from performing certain sex acts, he would withhold sex completely! He sounds controlling, demanding, and selfish. I mean, not only are you going down on him a lot, but you are also having anal sex, which I think for a lot of couples would be something that the man would be more enthusiastic for (not all though I know).
It just sounds like you are putting in a lot of effort trying to make him happy, and he's taking that for granted. A true loving partner would try to fulfill your needs and desires, and at least give it a try. You fit this definition - maybe even go beyond it - while he is taking and taking.

When I read your first post, my reaction was - "How could they have been together eight years without exploring each other!"
My boyfriend and I are approaching the two year mark this month, and we have completely explored one another physically (manually, orally, anally - both of us!). I can't imagine having such a barrier of intimacy.

I can't help but feel like your needs are being shelved, that your husband only really cares about what he wants, and that until this is resolved you won't be entirely happy.

I hope for your sake that this can be worked out (in one way or another).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 8:31am

Wow, he says he doesn't think he'll like it but he's not willing to try? Why is it all about him? If you stop doing things for him, he'ss going to withhold sex..... He's acting like an immature little brat, not an adult. You are bending over backwards to make him happy, and what is he doing for you? Nothing!

I would stop being so giving. Let him withhold sex and see how long he can go.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 8:45am

I'm sorry you're not getting what you want!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 4:42am
Ditto, lunar shadow! Married for 33 years, cannot imagine not going down on my wife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 2:46pm

just ask him or how about a 69er you both get pleasured at the same time

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 1:28pm
I agree with the other posts and that is you can either gently push his hand down there or just ask for it. The truth is that since you've been together for a while, he should already be going down on you. The question now is why isn't he? If you do move his hand down there and he performs oral on you, just make sure to tell him how good it was and you loved it. That should keep him doing it again. If he doesn't, be direct and tell him you want it. If that doesn't work, then you have to have a larger conversation to find out what's wrong.

When I was much younger, I didn't like giving oral but if you've been together that long, he should be ok with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Sun, 04-17-2011 - 8:58pm

You are not the only woman in this boat I am sure.

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