Can't seem to orgasm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2013
Can't seem to orgasm
2
Sat, 11-23-2013 - 7:17pm

Hi there. Here's hoping someone has some ideas that can help.

I've never been able to have an orgasm with any guy I've ever been with, not for lack of trying. I can orgasm if I masturbate, but it still takes me usually 45 minutes to an hour to even get that. I love sex, I love getting all worked up, but when it comes time for the grand finale, it's a fail every time. I've been with my bf now for 2 years, and I'm not sure what more he can do. I know he'd like to see me have the same pleasure he gets, but I guess I can't relax or shut my mind off long enough to experience the fun. Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Fri, 12-06-2013 - 1:19pm

Have you ever just let him watch you while you masturbate. I think I would give him some foreplay and when you know you have hime all worked up, tell him he has to watch you masturbate. Don't worry about how long it takes you and maybe you tell him before you ever take any cloths off you have something very special for him. He is going to have to wait a long time but it will be worth it. Then go for it, while you are masturbateing, tell him what you are doing, what you feel, what feels good and where, when to move to a different spot. Beleive me he will be thankfull and then just lay there and enjoy yourself. When you are done he will be so hot and you will be too that when you pull him in you both of you will go wild.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 12-09-2013 - 12:44am

You've answered your own question!  If you're not relaxed and just enjoying what he's doing, it will never happen.  If your brain is busy thinking about whether or not it will happy, it won't!  That's because you're not fully engaged.  When you get horizontal, the only thing that should be on your mind is how good everything feels.  Orgasms aren't the be all end all of sex either.  They're the frosting on the cake......and if you learn to enjoy the cake completely, the frosting will come, too.  There's something called a "self fulfilling prophecy".....meaning if you expect it not to happen, it won't happen.  If you expect to fail at anything, you usually do.  Does he give you oral sex?  Have him use  his fingers on your "g" spot at the same time.......that it almost 100% sure to get you there.....most women don't have orgasms with intercourse alone, either.....find a position that stimulates the "g" spot, doggie style is good for that.  If you want more information about your body, go to www.the-clitoris.com......you may find out things you didn't know about your body and your sexual responsese.