How do you know if you have had an orgasm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2012
How do you know if you have had an orgasm
2
Tue, 05-15-2012 - 5:14pm
Hello everyone.
I really need help. I'm in a relationship with someone I care so deeply for, we have a good sex life and he is always very keen to try new things and make sure we enjoy each other. However, he is my second sexual partner and my previous partner didnt care about whether I enjoyed myself or not and because of this I never experienced an orgasm. My current partner has been trying many different ways to bring me to orgasm and I feel like I have come close, mostly in doggy or if he is behind me and lightly touches my bum hole lol. He really wants me to have the same feelings he does and I just feel like there is a switch in my brain that doesn't go off?
Last night he performed oral sex on me for about 30 mins and it was amazing. He found a great spot and made my legs shake uncontrollably. Now, does this mean I am on my way to an orgasm or have I had one? Now if that wasn't one then I know that if he were to carry on and me relax I would probably get there eventually. I'm so sorry to be so long winded but I need help and advice.
Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2012
Sun, 08-26-2012 - 5:43pm
Right so I know I haven't replied for a while and I haven't had a chance to get a toy yet but I have been working on relaxing more. I think my issue had also been that I don't get turned on if I'm touched internally as much as if I am stroked on the outside? Does anyone else have this issue. Is it possible I'm in outie rather than an innie?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 12:45pm
Think of it as a long trip. If all you concentrate on is the destination, you miss all the beauty and exciting things along the way. Concentrate on the here and now and eventually, before you know it, you will arrive at your destination. You might even find out the trip and not the destination is the most pleasurable part of the journey.
The old saying, "Stop and smell the roses" really applies there. In this case, relax and enjoy the here and now and the rest will take care of itself.
Some orgasms are small, some are earth shattering.
You say you enjoyed when he fooled around with your bum hole. The anus has tons of nerve endings. Tell him to play with it while he is doing oral on you. If he's going to insert a finger or anything else there, take precautions. NEVER put anything in the anus NEAR the vagina. That can cause severe problems for a woman. Also the item or finger should be VERY clean and most importantly you need some sort of lube. There are great water based lubes on the market. Keep it near the bed so you won't have to stop during the act, that kills the moment. If he just plays around the outside of the anus, you should experience a lot of pleasure and he won't need lube. Just be sure every thing is good and clean. If you think he is going to insert anything, take a poop an hour to an hour and a half prior to sex. This will empty the lower bowel and you won't feel any pressure there. Be sure that any item put up there is washed, we use anti-bacterial soap, and rinsed very well. Store it in a baggie or something between uses to maintain it's cleanliness.
Anal toys are fun and safe if done correctly. Never use one on you then on him, cross contamination. Your bowel contains bacteria that are essential to digestion, but harmful elsewhere.
When you are comfortable with the toy, try leaving it there while he enters you vaginally. New experience for both of you, even more so if it vibrates.
Sounds like you would enjoy anal sex. Have you thought about it.
Oral anal sex is wild for my SO. Here cleanliness is #1. Thorough cleaning inside and out. She says nothing feels like my tongue on the anus. Try it, you might like it, but don't get upset if he won't do it. Some guys are that way.
Like so many have said, relax and stop trying to have one, just let it happen.
" I think my issue had also been that I don't get turned on if I'm touched internally as much as if I am stroked on the outside?"
Most of the nerve ending on a woman, either the vagina or anus, is on the outside and within the first inch inside. You are not unusual. The internal feelings are usually from the penis hitting the uterus and not the walls. I think nature made it that way or childbirth would be worse than it is, think about it. It would be terrible to be able to feel the baby coming from the birth canal, through and out the vagina.
I hope this helps you.