I can't orgasm. Is it all in my head?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2012
I can't orgasm. Is it all in my head?
5
Tue, 01-29-2013 - 4:38pm

"First, realize that you're not alone. Around 70 percent of women who can orgasm in other ways have difficulty reaching orgasm during penetrative sex. Physically, a woman needs the right type of stimulation of her clitoral region to reach full orgasm. It can also be a mental thing, though, where a woman simply finds it hard to "let go" during full penetrative sex. And, of course, it can be a combination of both."

Read more here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2013
Mon, 03-25-2013 - 3:44pm

Women need practice and confidence to orgasm - it is not just mental and not just physical.  Though the "70%" of women notion that women have trouble reaching orgasm with their mate may be true, it does not make it 'right' or 'acceptable'.  Fact is that over 90% of women can orgasm on their own!  So, this is why there is such a big disconnect. I am not trying to advertise, that is not purpose for being here, but there is an organization in NYC that helps for free, and I encourage women to find out more by looking at my profile. Women do not need pills or drugs. And, it is not entirely your mate's 'fault'.  Two simple coaching tips I give women is first, to be on top. It is much more difficult for women to orgasm on the bottom especially when they have never orgasm with their partner.  Once orgasm is easy, bottom works but almost never works for a first time. Second, is that while on top, a woman must absolutely forget her man is there!  Instead, think and move exactly as you do when you do it alone.   Touch your clitoris, nipples, etc if it helps reach orgasm, and take as long as you need, all day or all night, if needed!  Also, guide your partner to very specific areas like nipples or breasts, and tell him very specifically about the amount of pressure, speed, etc of the contact.  All women are different, and even an experienced partner will have no idea what works for you unless he asks and/or you tell him.   Similarly, tell him to stop anything that distracts you, including moaning, talking, tickling, anal, anything that is not helping should be stopped.   You will find that you DO orgasm this way.  And, sorry to contradict others, but this does show that a good portion of why you do not orgasm with your partner IS in fact, in your head.  Once you are comfortable and confident, you will notice that the talking, moaning, tickling and other distractions are not enough to stop your orgasm.  But, again, it takes practice.  The other real-world bit of advice is that unfortunately not all men have the stamina, patience or attentiveness to be able to perform for you as I have described.  Especially for women not married or not seriously involved with someone, getting access to the lessons and coaching is critical to enjoying sex with a man and having a great future relationships.  Even for women already involved, if you are having issues, though it may be 'cheating' to practice with a coach, it is absolutely necessary if you cannot get your partner to help.  Otherwise, you will have a very difficult and sad relationship, with a moderately higher likelihood of it ending badly.  Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 12:12am

Did you know that 80% of women do not have orgasms from intercourse alone?  More women have orgasms from foreplay, clitoral and "g" spot stimulation, oral and/or manual.  If you have your orgasms that way, you'll be satisfied, and when you get to intercourse, he'll be satisfied. As far as "rough" and "gentle" are concerned, you both have to compromise.....your way last time, this time it's my way.  Talk to him about all of it.  If you're close enough to have sex, then you're close enough to talk about making it better for both of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 12:12am

Did you know that 80% of women do not have orgasms from intercourse alone?  More women have orgasms from foreplay, clitoral and "g" spot stimulation, oral and/or manual.  If you have your orgasms that way, you'll be satisfied, and when you get to intercourse, he'll be satisfied. As far as "rough" and "gentle" are concerned, you both have to compromise.....your way last time, this time it's my way.  Talk to him about all of it.  If you're close enough to have sex, then you're close enough to talk about making it better for both of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
Tue, 02-19-2013 - 4:28pm

Sounds like you guys need to talk about what works for each other. If you like it slow and gentle with soft music, maybe do that first until you are satisfied, then finish it off with the way he likes sex.

My hubby always makes sure I am either first or at least satisfied each time we have sex or he is very unhappy.

Compromise is important in sex, if you are always left wanting, then that can cause problems in the future and the worst problem is having sex out of obligation but not fully enjoying it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2002
Mon, 02-18-2013 - 7:16pm

Hello,

I find it hard to have an orgasm with my boyfriend.  I have noticed before we have sex, I do get worked up, however, once he inserts in me, its like it feels good for the first 2 mins or so then, I've completely lost interest in having sex. No feeling of being worked up.  Later on in the night, I start getting worked up again, and I want some sex, and it starts over again.   I love my honey very much and we have a good connection.  So I am a bit confused by all of this.  We are different in ways of making love.  He likes the hardcore porn type of sex, and I like it slow, gentle, with soft music.  So this gets very frustrating.  Any advice would be great!  

Thanks in advance, 

Crystal

Crystal