My boyfriend has a very large penis

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
My boyfriend has a very large penis
15
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 8:13pm
I recently started dating again, after being widowed 3 1/2 years ago. I am dating a man 9 years younger who happens to be very very well endowed. After having intercourse with him for the first time, I had spotting the next day and my urine burned whenever I had to go. Any advise? Does it get easier?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 11:34pm

It's hard to say what the spotting might have been from, but if it stopped by the next day, it could have been a small tear or abrasion. Luckily for us women, our vaginas are basically one size fits all......IF we're properly aroused and well lubricated. Being that it was your first time with him, you were probably nervous, and therefore tense and dry. Next time, make sure you take plenty of time for foreplay, and that you're well lubricated, even if it means using some lubricant. Remember, your vagina can stretch enough to allow a full term baby to pass thru it, so even a large penis isn't a problem, IF you're ready for it. If it continues to happen, then you should see your Gyno about it. Hopefully, even though you weren't being sexually active, you were still getting your annual exams, and you have a good Gyno that you can discuss it with.

As for the burning on urination, again, if it went away the next day, then it was just an irritated urethra. Whatever position you were using was rubbing against it, and especially if you weren't well lubricated, the rubbing caused irritation.

Lots of foreplay, and adding lubrication will make it better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 1:58pm
The other poster had some great suggestions. It does get easier. I am endowed and always have to be careful when penetrating a new partner. I know the lady organ is elastic, but it's like it takes several encounters for it to more comfortably accommodate a larger organ. Until then, it's embarrassing when a lady uses an ice pack on her self due to being stretched, in spite of gentle intercourse. Yes, the urethra is very close to the action and burning probably do to stretching will disappear after a couple sessions. Life will get better for both.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 3:55pm

Welcome to the board, Carol.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 5:26pm
I'm curious as to what changes? My new partners always seem to enjoy, but suffer the first several sessions, even with tons of foreplay and lube. Last night a lady requested an ice pack for her sore genitals. The penetration was very very slow, gentle, and only part of me. But after several encouters, it's like they can accept me easier without discomfort and love it. I've always wondered what changes? Does a woman get stretched wider, and from then on can accept full penetration without problems. If a month goes by, it's like she's shrunk and I have to slowly stretch her open, again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 12:02am

What changes is nothing more than the comfort level. Women don't get "stretched" with use. When she's with a new partner, especially if he seems to be "large"...she's nervous. Not only about his size, but about everything. He's new to her....she's wondering what he'll want, what he'll expect, etc. When she's nervous, it's difficult to relax, and without relaxing, the vaginal muscles can be tight, and the natural lubrication nonexistant. After a few times, it's more comfortable, she knows what to expect, and she can relax more.

There's a lot more to being ready than just being "willing". You've figured it out yourself......it takes a few times, or maybe several times for it to get to the point where she's comforable, and then there's usually NO problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 1:54am

I'll buy a woman being nervous, the newness, and relaxing the vaginal muscles enough to accept it. I love foreplay, exciting a woman, and getting her more engorged than she's ever been. If her natural lubrication is not leaking out, I consider her not yet available. Lube has never been a problem. The more, the better. There have been a couple times with women who have not had sex in a couple years. In spite of an afternoon of foreplay, and pushing organs against each other, penetration was not achieved. After an hour or so of that, I'd have to release as that could go where I couldn't. That can be frustrating!

> There's a lot more to being ready than just being "willing"...it takes a few times
I'm not sure what that means? It usually takes a few encounters before a new lover can fully accept and envelope me, but after that things are open and fine. If I'm out of the country for a month, then it's almost like starting over to open my partners. They know me but it takes a couple times to achieve full penetration. That blows the newness theory. It's almost like vaginal muscles are like the muscles that must stretch to touch one's toes. You stop for a while and you can't touch your toes. Women have told me they feel stretched after knowing me. There's something more than comfort level and newness...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 9:04am

Sorry, but vaginal muscles are NOT like flexor muscles! They're "involuntary" muscles, meaning you can't exercise them, and they react to stimulus. When a woman is aroused, they relax. When a woman is no longer aroused, they revert back to their original state, which is "closed" and somewhat "tight".

If the mere act of stretching the vaginal muscles left them "loose", then women who have given vaginal birth to babies would be bottomless pits! Not having sex in a while doesn't equate to tight hamstrings! I can cite myself as an example too. I was married for 20 years, then got divorced. A few years later, I met a man who was very well endowed. Even though I hadn't been with a man since my divorce, we had no problem. Maybe because I wasn't nervous or scared? He and I had a 7 year relationship, then it ended. I was celibate again for 12 years. Then, in my early 60's, I met another man. Even after 12 years of celibacy, we had NO problems! Possibly because I have no hang-ups about my sexuality, and therefore wasn't nervous?

It takes more than being "willing".....is self explanatory. These days, most 16 year old girls are "willing"......but when it comes to doing it, because neither of them has any concept of foreplay and arousal, it usually doesn't work, or it's extremely painful. These women with whom you spend hours on foreplay, only to be unable to complete the act are women who are not relaxed, no matter if you did it yesterday, or last month. Those women who ARE able to accept you are women who embrace their sexuality, and ARE relaxed and ready for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 12:15pm

Hmmmmm...a very good friend of mine has been married for about five years now...he's huge...and his wife finds it very painful to have sex with him after she has her orgasm, and even before, he cannot fit it all in her. So they have sex missionary style until she has hers...then he has to pull out and she finishes him off manually because it hurts too bad for him to stay inside of her. When trying to get pregnant, it took a lot of planning on stimulating him first...getting him close...then letting him insert it while she had been stimulating herself so that it didn't hurt her...he would have his...pull out...she would stimulate herself to orgasm...very very "unromantic" I would say. He's been dying to have sex with someone who actually would enjoy having sex with him.

So in difficult situations such as this...is there such thing as a vaginal enlargement surgery? And would that be better or worse than having a penis reduction surgery?

Curtis

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 12:40pm

Hiya greenteabag,
To respond to this comment,

<<>>>

This is actually not true. You CAN actually do kegal exercises to strengthen the vaginal mucles. While I was pregnant, my midwife actually instructed me to do these during my pregnancy as well as after (although I ended up having a ceserean-so no need) to keep the vaginal floor strong and flexible. (to allow easier childbirthing and then to help it restretch back to it's original tight self) These excercises can also help you gain more control during sex as well.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2001
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 1:46pm

Exercising & strengthening the pelvic floor muscles is also a major part of incontinence programs. A lot of people need biofeedback at first to re-establish their control, but the muscles are not strictly involuntary.

Just because you don't have to purposely *think* about using a muscle doesn't mean you can't control it & exercise it. You don't have to consciously flex & relax your back & abs just so in order to be able to sit or stand vertically, but you can use those same muscles to purposely move a certain way. It's like breathing. Most of the time, it just happens on its own, but if I want to, I can take a deep breath, shallow breath, or hold my breath altogether.

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