rubber band to stay hard

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
rubber band to stay hard
5
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:44am
Hi Everyone:

another question here - I appreicate the availability of this message board to address these questions. My guy has a bent penis and he uses a rubber band to keep his erection. He can cum, however, when i give him oral sex, without the rubberband. I guess I need an explanation of all this. The bent penis happened a couple years ago when he was married - he says if he does not use the rubbber band with intercourse it can bend almost in half and be painfull. Just a note here - the bend is toward him and about an inch and half or two from the top when he is hard, and personally, it makes my life so much better because of the angle it hits me when he is inside me - and I have told him that, but I think he is still a little shy about it. We have been sexually active for about a month. What can I do to assure him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 2:25pm
I'm not sure what the "bend" has to do with maintaining an erection! Has he ever seen a doctor about it? If not, he should! The rubber band is nothing more than a "penis ring" (I can't use the "real" word here, iVillage won't accept it!) which men can use to keep an errection, but again, it might be better to see a doctor, and find out what's wrong. Maybe it can be fixed medically.

What can you do to assure him that you don't have a problem with his "problem"? You might start by telling him that rather than it being a problem for you, it's an advantage! But, it's usually impossible to convince an insecure person of things like this. The fact that he's insecure about it just makes it impossible to convince him otherwise, because he probably thinks you're "just saying it" to make him feel better.

If I were you, the next time the subject comes up, I would tell him that 1) it doesn't bother you, 2) you actually LIKE it that way, and 3) that you really don't want to discuss it anymore, because you've told him how you feel, and there's nothing else to say.

Sometimes continual discussions about things like this just feed their insecurity. This "problem" is no different than having a small penis, or having some kind of scar or disformity. It's something that basically cannot be changed, so he needs to accept it, accept the fact that it makes NO difference to you, and LET IT GO!

I really think he should see a doctor. There is possibly something that can be done for it, and I don't think that the constriction of the rubber band is very good for the vascular health of his penis. He could be making the problem worse! He sounds like he might be a good candidate for viagra, but that's a decision a doctor has to make.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 2:44pm
thanks for getting back to me

He has seen a doctor and he was told there is a surgery that could posibly correct the problem, but that the outcome could be that he not be able to become errect at all.

So, are you saying maybe the bend and the difficulty in staying errect may be 2 different problems?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 3:23pm

Hi Mermaid,


I think Buck is giving you some great advice. I totally agree that the best way for you to help him is just by not making a big issue out of it and by telling him how much you enjoy being with him. Give him plenty of compliments on other aspects of sex without focusing on his penis. You like him and his penis the way he is so... he'll just have to get used to that. ;)


A bent penis can influence his ability to achieve erections, insecurities about it can as well. It's really hard to tell which one may be the culprit here. He seems like he's dealing with it pretty well for now with his use of rubber bands BUT that's just the wrong product to use. Buck mentioned the use of penis rings, which I'd also recommend. There are "penis rings" available made out of appropriate material that won't cut into the skin and damage his organ any further. I would strongly urge you two to go shopping for an appropriate one for him to use and leave the rubber bands out of it. They have anything from the plain ones to the fancy ones that have a little vibrator attached for you!


Here's an article I found about bent penis that may help also.


Bent Penis


http://www.ivillagehealth.com/experts/fertility/qas/0,,166922_1246,00.html

Charm
Charm

"If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right." (Anonymous)............"There's nothing i
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 3:58pm
this is just the best find - this message board!

i read the article, and I thank you for your information, and taking the time to answer my question.

I will talk with him about the rubber band thing - it seemed a little dangerous to me.

You guys are the best!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 12:47am
To answer your question about it being two different problems, yes, it probably is. If a man can GET an erection, then he doesn't have a vascular problem, or any physical obstacle to becoming erect.

Losing the erection is more often an emotional or psychological problem. In his case, it's probably his "hang-up" about the "bend". He's so worried about being "different" that he's making it happen by worrying about it. Men have very delicate "psyches" and the least bit of worry or embarassment about themselves can cause them to lose it.

I can understand that he wouldn't want to have the surgery, and risk the loss of erections completely. Did he ask the doctor if the damage would have an effect on his erections? I'm not a doctor, but I don't think that would affect it.

I'm a curious person, and if it's not to personal, I'd be curious as to HOW something like that happens. I've heard of penises being "broken", but can't imagine how that would happen, because even with an erection, there is still some flexibility. All I can think of is that it would be VERY painful when it happened!

Be patient with him. When he's assured that you're happy with him, he'll probably loosen up, and it'll be fine.