Super naive guy....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Super naive guy....
3
Sat, 10-12-2013 - 6:46pm

I'm 46, met a really nice guy about 3 weeks ago.  He is 53, smart and funny, we get along great,.  He has steady employment and offers security both emotional and financial.  He travels a lot and is looking for someone to go with.    He has been very hesitant about getting physical so I gave him plenty of space.  But last night he managed to gather his courage to make things happen...and he just couldn't come.  He was pretty cool about it...admitted that it had been a problem in the past, it all felt great to him and he was happy to make me happy.   So it was much less awkward than it could have been.  We enjoyed ourselves and I felt closer to him as a result.  I did not feel it was necessary for me to work very hard to make things happen for him (I have been down that road before and it led to nothing but frustration).  

I suggested that he find about testosterone...he has been having some mood issues as well and he doesn't have a lot of body hair which are two signs.  Plus he is a vegetarian and eats a LOT of soy. Suggested that he work on other sources of protein.

So this may be selfish of me but...I'm seriously considering how much time to invest in this relationship.  I like this guy but he isn't exactly sweeping me off my feet. He also admitted he didn't feel he was very good at foreplay and I told him he did just fine...very gentle and tender worked for the first time but might not always.  It's an ego thing for a guy to really want you, isn't it?   At age 53 is it all downhill for him sexually?  Because I'm feeling I'm finally at my peak.  I don't want to always be the one suggesting trying new and different things, always initiating because he is unsure.  What if he doesn't follow up on the testosterone idea, or worse yet, he does, but it doesn't help him?  

I worry that I'm being too picky, and I don't want to judge this book by his first venture, so I want to give him a fair shot.  But I also hate to invest a lot of time in a relationship that isn't going to work out.  

I have another first meet on Monday...and I'm not too comfortable juggling more than one guy at a time.  I never sleep with more than one guy at a time, so I'm feeling a little pressured to make some decisions here.  Tonight we are just going to a movie...no sex...don't want him to feel pressured or anything.  (and I need a better night's sleep after a night of his snoring! ;-)

sooooobig
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 10-12-2013 - 7:05pm

  This sounds like lack of confidence.   Some men do have problems ejaculating.  It is a mixed problem some women would be happy other not so.   I suggest not doing the serial dating thing but date both so you can see if either work for you.  No point in wasting time. 

dragowoman

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sat, 10-12-2013 - 9:04pm
You've only known him three weeks. I would suggest a little bit of patience. It sounds like he is worth the effort.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 10-23-2013 - 11:51am

Unless he has a physical problem, (and you're not a doctor, so don't 'diagnose') a man at age 53 is very capable of having a great sex life.  My partner just turned 79, and he can never get enough!  If and when men have physical problems, it's usually with getting an erection, not with ejaculating.  Men with bad circulation can't get erections.  If he gets one, that's 3/4 of the battle.  Lack of ejaculation can be simply an emotional problem, ESPECIALLY the first time with a new partner.   At his age, he grew up where you didn't jump into sex in 3 weeks!  He might have been uncomfortable with THAT.  He might have been intimidated by you.  It sounds here like you're desperately shopping for a husband......you know the man 3 weeks, and you say he offers financial and emotional security?  You don't even KNOW him.  You don't truly know a person till you've been with him or her 6 or 8 months.  Unless you've employed a private detective to check him out, you have no idea of how truthful he's been with you.  You need to slow down!  As for this other "first date" you have set up........I can see that you're already planning sex........if you're worried about sleeping with two men at once!  How about dating BOTH of them without having sex with them until you get to know them, REALLY know them, then make your decision.  Sex should be the least of your considerations until you know someone WELL.  You can have fantastic sex with the biggest creep in the world.......that doesn't make him relationship or marriage material.  If you know anything about serial killers......they're usually very nice men........until you're dead!  You need to slow way down..........