unable to orgasm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2010
unable to orgasm
10
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 9:54pm
I am 39 y/o. I have been in a relationship for 6 months. In the previous 10 years, I had been in short relationships and only a few of them. Sex had been mostly about them and not so much about me. Before my current BF I don't remember the last time I orgasmed with a man. I can orgasm with my vibrator on my clit in about 30 seconds. Sex with my BF feels really good and I get really close but I don't orgasm. I have never really orgasmed with oral sex. I maybe have twice in my 39 years. I have talked with a friend who wants to be a sex therapist. I have thought of a things from my past that could be contributing to the problem. Another issue that came up last night. Maybe I convinced myself that I didn't need to have an orgasm, that it feeling good was enough, because of all the time I had sex and it being all about the man and not me. My BF is being a really good sport but it is bothering him that he can't make me orgasm. My question is how can I get my orgasms back?
Avatar for guyfromjersey
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 7:49am
Hmmm.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2010
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 8:24am
With a vib, I am barely touching my clit.
Avatar for guyfromjersey
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 8:45am
Well, if you can make yourself orgasm alone it's just a matter of time before you teach him how to do it for you,
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 9:25am

Hi terbear. First let me say he cannot get you off. He can only help you. To me it's all in my mind. You have to relax and just take your time.



Check out this website, as there is lots of great info. http://the-clitoris.com/. Yeah, you need to try and change your outlook. Sex between two people needs to be about both of them. Experiment with each other, have fun, get goofy, and laugh. It's supposed to be fun and enjoyable.



Most women need some sort of clit stimulation in order to orgasm. You need to show him what and how you like to be touched. Maybe try masturbating yourself, alone without the vibe and see what happens. Again, though, try to think on how it's feeling, not if you're going to get off.




dscf4525_border.jpg picture by nhgal2006



"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest,
It's about those who came and never left your side ...."
Unknown



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2010
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 6:15pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2010
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 8:11pm
I get what you are saying about my vibrator desensitizing me but, I rarely use the thing. I go months without using it. I don't ever remember cumming with my hand or even a boyfriend's hand. So I guess I do need to work on that. And I think I am relaxed during oral sex. But maybe I am tensed up with the expectation that he wants me to orgasm. Hmm..lots of things to think about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2010
Thu, 10-07-2010 - 1:07pm

idont have an answer 4 u i just wanted 2 say i am having the same problem. i have been with my boyfriend 4 a year and in the begging everthing was fine with having an orgasim but 4 the last few months i have been unable to so now when we have sex it is just 4 him.most of the time i dont feel like having sex at all even though it still feels good but thats all i get from it besides the fact i want to please him.anyway i just thought i would share that and hope that i can find out if there is somthing wrong with me or is it just him.but at least i know i am not the only one.so if u find any ideas or advise let me know 2 or anyone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 4:28pm

Briant.. , it's very admirable of you to continue your sex life for your b/fs sake, but I can't imagine it's entirely fulfilling for him if you aren't getting pleasured as well.

Sumnyte on A O L.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2008
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 9:44am

For what it's worth: it's always difficult to get a woman to orgasm. I succeed with my wife on a regular basis, but I know that I have to make an extra effort. I also notice that t only works when I really want to give her one and go for it. Otherwise, she won't get one. It involves a lot of different ´techniques' at the same time, something I have managed to learn after many years of being together. Maybe he just needs some time to find the way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2010
Wed, 11-24-2010 - 5:54pm

My first orgasm came when I used a sex toy, and it was the pocket rocket.

What happens is you press the vibrating end on to your clitoral area, and hold it there - trust me it will feel amazing and you’ll orgasm right away. You need to be in a quiet place, without disturbances and let your imagination run wild at the same time.

You can buy the original and best pocket rocket here. It’s not too powerful either really and women orgasm easiest through this kind of clitoral stimulation.