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| Sat, 11-17-2007 - 3:49am |
I don’t know how many people find themselves in my situation. My situation started with being a babysitter for a 5 year old boy. I was 16 at the time when I started babysitting him. I continued babysitting him until he entered Jr. high School. He was a nice boy who was not difficult. I had an easy time coming up with board games and other fun activities for him. To be honest I have a fun time babysitting him. Then starting in jr. high school his very busy career minded parents asked me to be his tutor and help him with homework. He was pleasant to work with and hard working. This tutoring continued through his high school years. Given the amount of time I had spent with him I loved and cared for him. During his high school years he would also ask more about advice regarding his friends, girls, and his love life. He also seemed to care about me. He would make a point to ask about me and how I was doing. His hard work through high school paid off as he entered college. In college when I was neither his babysitter nor tutor he started inviting me to do fun activities. We would play sports together, go on hikes, walk in the park, see movies together, and sometimes grab a dinner together. I though he was just being nice and trying to include me as a friend in his life. The nice boy had become a man and I enjoyed the time we spent together. Lately I am getting the idea that there may be more and that he wants more.
Now he is 20 and I am 31. Not to long ago he said that he found me attractive and loved me more than just a friend. He has also expressed a desire to express his love for me in a more physical and intimate matter. I have not responded to this statement but rather changed the subject. We have talked about the subject of sex however not to the extent of mentioning each other as possible partners. I am sure that these topics will come up again. Perhaps this is a conversation that we need to have. We many also need to talk about the future of our relationship (i.e. are we going to remain friends, not see each other, consider marriage) . What do you think?
I do love him and care about him. I want for him a bright future. If in the future we do have sexual relations what are some things we should talk about and take into account? If we have a mutual caring relationship and a true love for one another would there be harm in becoming one flesh? If we are going to express our love for each other in a more physical way what should be the time line? Should it be done soon or should we set a purposed timeline of a month to a year down the line and continue to evaluate it? What do you think?
I appreciate you taking time to give me some advice.
Truly,
Kelly Lewis

Seems this situation is not uncommon on this message board.
11 years doesn't seem like a huge age gap but he is only 20. Do you honestly think that he is looking for happily ever after? In my opinion no. He is probably wanting to live out a fantasy.
I think you should openly talk about the situation. You can both lay your cards on the table, that way each person knows what to expect and what they are getting into.
Good luck.
Welcome to the board, Kelly. I tend to agree with Passion. At the age of 20, he's probably not ready to make a comittment, and is likely looking to live out a fantasy.
It seems he's also visiting the board. Maybe you can check out:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlletstalkab&msg=21245.1
and it will open the lines of communication for the two of you.
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