18, still a virgin, and scared!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
18, still a virgin, and scared!
4
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 4:32am

My boyfriend and I are completely ready to have sex, we've been together a long time so we've done everything but intercourse. Obviously, I'm pretty scared, I'm small, and he's fairly big, so i'm looking for any advice on how to make it a more.. pleasant experience. I'm not worried about actual pleasure right now.. just making it past the point of, well, the painful part.

This has been one of the factors holding us back from even going through with it-- so any advice on maybe something that made it easier for anyone..? Anyone's personal experiences that might help? thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 8:49am

Welcome to the board jclore075.

First time sex does not need to be painful, and shouldn't be painful if you are ready for sex. My first BF was very well endowed, and there was no pain the first time we had sex, although there was a small amount of bleeding after.

Be sure that you receive enough foreplay and are ready for him to enter you. To be ready, you should be highly aroused and self-lubricated. Being afraid will hinder that, and hopefully visiting the board here will help you to get mentally prepared as well. Think about the positive experience of the pleasure, not the possibility of pain.

The first time I had IC, I was actually on top. This helped give me control, and there was no work, nervousness or tension ... I was rubbing my clitoris on his pubic bone and his penis had slightly entered me during that movement. I sat up and controlled the rest of the movement until we later changed positions. It was a wonderful way to get used to the new sensations, and there was no pain.

Good luck, and let us know how things go.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 10:14am

As Aisha said, there's no reason for first time intercourse to be painful, if you BOTH understand the physiology of it. If he's as inexperienced as you......he's liable not to know about or understand the importance of foreplay. Size has very little to do with it. A woman's body is made to accomodate any size (within reason). Your vagina is capable of stretching enough to allow a baby to come out of it, and he's surely not THAT big. (and just so you understand, the "pain" associated with childbirth has nothing to do with the vagina.....it's the cramping of the uterus that causes the pain!)

Just remember FOREPLAY....and make sure he doesn't RUSH.....which most young guys will do, because intercourse is their ultimate goal. Foreplay will relax your vaginal muscles, and it will cause you to lubricate. If you're relaxed and well lubricated, it won't hurt. First timers are usually nervous, and that makes it harder to relax and lubricate, so buy some lubricant (the kind made for sex, NOT vaseline or lotions) and use it liberally.

For more information on how your body works, BOTH of you should check out www.the-clitoris.com That will explain a lot of why some people have so much pain. It wouldn't happen if both parties understood how everything works. Good Luck.

PS: Even people with experience will be nervous the first few times with a new partner...experience doesn't make it great, it's knowing what you're doing, and knowing your partner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 11:12pm

thanks for all the advice-- th personal experiences make me feel better. and thanks for the link to that website sakura that has tons of good info. we do know that foreplay, relaxation, and lubrication is the key-- but its still nervewracking and find myself thinking that i'm going to be worrying about if i'm having pain and if that means something is wrong.

but right now i even have resistance putting two fingers in, so i dont know if my opening just isnt very flexible right now, or yetat least. some info on the site said work up to at least 3 fingers so i think i'm just going to have to work on it!

its frustrating because me and my boyfriend have been kind of rocky lately, so i'm hoping the moment is right when we have sex, because even if we're not at the best part of our relationship he is the one i want to be the first...and i dont want something to happen with our relationship and we get worse and then it REALLY wont be the time to have sex.. haha i'm living life pretty confused recently..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:18am
Hey!!
You can pretty much bet your first sex experience is not going to make fireworks. It doesn't mean it'll hurt either. I say just have him go slow...and make sure you're very wet...use alot of lube, if you're not real wet on your own.
You may not even have an O your first time either, it took me probably at least 10 times before I had an O, and for a while the only position I could have one in was WOT.
I wish you luck!!
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