1st Timer needs advice/help

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
1st Timer needs advice/help
3
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 1:17am

My boyfriend and I have been friends for over a year now and we started dating this past May. It's been almost four months now, and this past weekend we decided we were ready to have sex. We couldn't, however, for two reasons. First, although I was very aroused and wet he couldn't enter me. Second, when he did manage to enter me (briefly he did once or twice and it hurt like hell, and didn't go in very far) he slipped out only a few seconds later. It seemed to continue like that for a while where it would seem like he had entered but then he couldn't get it in or it just slipped out. We're both virgins and I know that we were both probably nervous to some extent, but is that a good enough reason as to why we couldn't get it to work? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks in advance :)

-lullabelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 1:56am

Deciding that you're ready doesn't mean that you ARE ready. If it hurt when he tried to enter you, then you weren't wet enough, or aroused enough. Lots of foreplay is necessary for your vaginal muscles to relax enough to allow entry. Being nervous will inhibit lubrication too. Try using some lubricant made for sex, that should help.

The most important part is relaxation. As long as you're nervous, your vagina isn't relaxed, and it will still be painful.

Are you on b/c and/or did you use a condom? If no to both, then that's another reason to be nervous. Make sure you're protected against pregnancy.....and the only way to do that is to get on b/c (99% safe) or use a condom (80% safe).

With neither of you having prior experience, it's a safe bet that neither of you really knows about the female sexual response. There's a lot more to it than just inserting the penis into your vagina. Both of you should check out www.the-clitoris.com It will explain what's necessary to not only DO it but to enjoy it. Keep trying, but if it hurts, just give it up for that time, and try again another time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 8:15am

I'm just echoing what Dakine said.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 9:04am

Practice makes perfect as they say. Don't give up if you know that this is the right guy, the right time and the right choice you're making. If you have any doubt at all, then your body may be trying to tell you something.

If you ARE sure that you're making the right choice, then also make sure that you spend plenty of time in foreplay, perhaps even orgasming once from oral or manual stimulation, use plenty of extra lube and RELAX. Without relaxing, you will not only be clinching your teeth but your vaginal muscles in anticipation of pain. Give yourselves time to figure this and each other out in bed.