2 q's -extreme tightness, and spermicide

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
2 q's -extreme tightness, and spermicide
2
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 10:37pm

hey everyone

i have 2 questions that are unrelated, but both have bothered me pretty much since i first started having sex about 4 years ago.

i am a very small person, i have a very small frame, i wear a size 0, and weigh under 100 pounds. if i haven't had sex for a few months, when i do i am VERY tight. its usually hard for my partner to get and stay inside me, and its not as enjoyable as i would like because of the tightness. i've actually had 2 different men ask me "you've done this before, right?" because they think the reason i'm so tight is because i'm a virgin. is there any way to help this problem? i think that if i wasnt so tight i could be having much better sex. and i've never really had a partner that i've been with over a period of time where we regularly have sex, so i don't honestly know whether it gets easier or not. but its slightly embarrassing and i wish that it was easier for me to have sex.

my second question is about Nonoxynol-9. I'm starting to think i may have an allergy to spermicide(or another chemical in lubricated condoms.) i know i'm not allergic to latex, and i know it is not an std, but sometimes after sex i get irritated, red or itchy, even a little swollen. if i am allergic, what are the alternatives? because of my tightness i dont think its an option to use unlubricated condoms. are there any brands that have lower levels of irritating chemicals? or brands with alternative chemicals? i have sensitive skin in general and am sensitive to most drugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 10:58pm

Welcome to the board court83.

It sounds like you need to be more lubricated prior to having sex. It's best if you are properly aroused through foreplay. If you're nervous or rushing into intercourse, then the dryness can be causing more of a problem then tightness. Even though you are a small person, the vagina is very flexible. You don't get tighter because you don't have sex, you get tighter because you are not aroused enough. You might also try some different positions, like WOT. That way, you are in control and can be sure you are properly lubricated before he enters you.

I'm not real familiar with condoms and the spermicides on the market. I do know spermicides are very strong in general, and it is common to have a reaction to them. Since you are having problems with lubrication, you might want to try a water based lube with an un-lubricated condom. He can put some of the lube inside the condom for his comfort as well.



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket





my partner in the siggy exchange





iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 11:33pm

The main reason for "tightness" is lack of foreplay, which relaxes the vaginal muscles, and helps produce natural lubrication. You can add lubrication, but if you're not getting enough foreplay, you'll still be tight. Of course, the fact that it's always BEEN tight will make you anticipate the discomfort, which will in turn keep you from relaxing.....a catch 22 situation. Even though you're "small" all around, your vaginal muscles are capable of stretching enough to allow a baby to pass thru, so I doubt if any man is bigger than a baby! It's all in the foreplay, and being able to relax and not be expecting pain.

As for the spermicide, there are lubricated condoms with just plain lubrication, not spermicide. Try those. Have you thought about other forms of b/c......like the pill (not a drug, a hormone) or the patch, or shots, or IUD's? You still might need condoms if you're in a non-monogamous relationship (STD's) but you wouldn't need the spermicide.

Try longer foreplay, and adding some sexual lubricant.....it can't hurt, and it will probably help.