26 and a virgin
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26 and a virgin
| Wed, 11-07-2007 - 12:07am |
So I have begun a new relationship with someone I really enjoy. We had a sexual encounter this past weekend, he gave me oral, and the topic of sex was breeched, but I deigned to get away due to house guests at home. The next day I felt I had to tell him the truth, that I was a virgin, and the reason for my abrupt departure. I have no moral reasoning for being a virgin, I am just picky and have never had the right opportunities to indulge. His reaction was good enough, but now I am worried about future encounters, and how I am supposed to handle them. I have not had a lot of experience with men in general. I feel completely like I am back in high school because of my lack of experience. I feel that I am fairly knowledgeable without the practice of having another person there to do the work for me. I just am hoping to get some intelligent responses to see what other people think about this situation. What kinds of things I might be able to do to loosen up (literally as well as emotionally)? Any suggestions on how to talk to him about this sexual inexperience without sounding like an ass? I have good self esteem in just about every other aspect of my life, but because of my age I feel that it is wrong to still be so completely inexperienced and therefore have some esteem issues. HELP

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There really isn't a way to predict what will take place in future encounters. It depends on the type of person he is. If he's pushy, then he's probably not the right guy for you. I don't think you should base your desire to loose your virginity on age, but if you feel comfortable with this guy and you do want to have a sexual relationship with him, then allow things to happen in their own order. Did you tell him that your virginity wasn't an issue of morality?
He may feel a lot of pressure if he thinks you've been holding out for the right guy -- and he isn't sure how he feels about your relationship yet. I suspect that those are the sort of things you will have to discuss more than anything else. Perhaps it would be better to tell him that you weren't ready before, and now you feel that you are.
"I feel that I am fairly knowledgeable without the practice of having another person there to do the work for me."
I'm not really sure what that statement means, but if you've been sexually active -- just without having had intercourse -- then most of the battle is behind you. All parts of foreplay lead to the arousal of both of you, which can then lead into intercourse. A website you might want to visit is the-clitoris.com. It will explain the female anatomy and arousal process to you.
iVillage also has a message board, Like a Virgin, where some people are virgins, some are considering loosing their virginity, and others have recently lost their virginity. You might find others who are having the same type of experience as you on that board.
I hope you're able to have a positive experience if you do decide to loose your virginity. Let us know how you're doing.
Meet BOB, My New Best Friend!
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I stayed a virgin until I got married at 25. Early on it was for moral reasons,
Wendy
Everyone is shy when they face something new. He knows you're a virgin, and thus knows about the inexperience. It's up to you whether you let him know about your masturbation habits or not, but it's certainly not something that is necessary.
Trust me, your age may seem like a factor to you, but sexual confidence is a problem for many -- even after they loose their virginity. Having sexual partners doesn't necessarily equate to being experienced. Whenever you have a new partner, you'll have new experiences. Each person brings their own style to the situation.
He may not even bring this up, and there may be nothing to talk about. Nature has a way of taking it's own course, if you feel that you are ready for that step. Personally, I wouldn't loose my virginity just for the sake of loosing it. I think once you have had sexual partners and meaningful relationships, you can have casual sex, and deal with any emotional issues that may entail. I have met many people who have lost their virginity in less than ideal circumstances, and it has caused them a lifetime of problems, especially with their self-esteem and confidence.
If the two of you have a chemistry, and your physical relationship progresses, that's great. I just don't think you should fret about discussing your virginity with him, or feeling self-conscious due to lack of experience. Everyone starts somewhere -- and he knows that. The fact that you do know your body, is a plus for both of you, especially for you. Many women spend years being sexually active, but not enjoying sex. In a large part, that's because they don't know their own body. Many women also, mistakenly, expect the earth to move when they do have sex for the first time. It's likely that you are putting more pressure on yourself than is necessary. This guy has a great opportunity to introduce you to sex, which is like a gift to him. Hopefully, he knows how to open that gift ... if he doesn't, then it really isn't a reflection of you as much as it is of him.
Many people who have had a lot of sex find that their first sexual experiences with a new partner are not all "that". It takes time for two people to get to know each other in every way, including sexually. The best thing that you can do is try to enjoy the experiences that you do decide to share, and enjoy exploring new things with each other.
Meet BOB, My New Best Friend!
follow me to my partners in the siggy exchange:
DIY Brides ~ Betrayed Girlfriends Support
Speaking from my experience, I never felt the pressure to become sexually active
sillysatin-
You don't have to feel embarrassed about being a virgin. I am a virgin also and I'm 31. I have religion behind my waiting. I am engaged to a very wonderful man, who is younger than me and was previously married, and he is very willing to wait until we get married to have sex. Just be honest with the guy. If he's a real gentleman, he will tell you how to be and give "pointers" as to what to do.
Meet BOB, My New Best Friend!
follow me to my partners in the siggy exchange:
DIY Brides ~ Betrayed Girlfriends Support
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