26-year-old virgin

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
26-year-old virgin
6
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 5:26pm
Hi. Not sure how to ask for help about this. I am a 26-year-old virgin. Really, we do exist! I am getting married this summer to a wonderful man. He has had sex before and needless to say I am quite unnerved about the whole process. I was wondering if you all had some advice on how to make this experience pleasurable for both of us. Any help would be appreciated! Thanks in advance!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
In reply to: aemh2o
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 8:30pm

RELAX!

He loves you enough to marry you. Take your time, be open minded, have fun!

RELAX!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: aemh2o
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 11:35pm

Well, assuming he knows you're a virgin.....he will be patient, gentle, and he'll "guide" you thru everything. You say you're a virgin, but there are a lot of virgins out there that have done everything possible EXCEPT intercourse! Is that you, or have you never done anything sexually? You say he's had sex, but how much, and how much does HE know about a woman's body?

Also, the first few times a couple has sex.....even when both have had lots of partners before......it's not the greatest. When one of you is a virgin, and the other possibly not too experienced....it will be awkward at first.....and you both just have to be patient....and it won't take long to get comfortable with each other. If you're nervous, tell him, and talk it over with him. Please don't expect the "earth to move" because it rarely does for anyone.....and for SURE not on your wedding night when you're both exhausted from your long day......and new at it besides.

If you're really inexperienced in every way, then here's a good place for you to start learning about your body: www.the-clitoris.com It's very informative, and will probably tell you things you didn't know. It would probably be a good thing for your fiance to read it too.....because experience doesn't always equate knowledge. There are lots of men that don't have a CLUE about a woman's body, or how to make love to a woman. Remember, this isn't about you pleasing him, or making him happy, it's about BOTH of you, and both of you being happy and satisfied.

Learn to talk with each other about it....learn to tell him what you want, ask him what he wants.....and both of you learn to relax, and just enjoy yourselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
In reply to: aemh2o
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 7:33am
Since you say that you are "quite unnerved about the whole process", I will take that to mean that you really are inexperienced at any form of sexual relationship. You are getting ready to go on a wonderful journey (both in marriage and sexually), and you have obviously saved yourself for this day. You will have an entire lifetime to develop sexually with your partner, so don't put pressure on yourself to perform for him, just do what comes naturally and have fun exploring together. For women, their most important sexual organ is their brain, so start getting it ready now. Read about sex, ask questions about sex, and learn all that you can. In that process, your mind and body should start to look forward to your new experience. Other than that, just relax and enjoy all of the feelings that you will be encountering.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
In reply to: aemh2o
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 4:07pm
Hi congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Just relax and take it easy. I'm sure he knows that you are a virgin so he will hopefully be patient. I have been married for 32 years and we are both still learning. Just remember to communicate with each other. Read books and go on some of the message boards. You will almost always find something to try. Good Luck, and have a great marriage
Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: aemh2o
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 12:41am

Aemh, the enjoyment of sex is a life-long persuit. Don't worry about trying to perform in any special way. I am an older man, who was a virgin who married a virgin. Since she wanted to remain a virgin until marriage, I refrained from going "all the way" with her throughout our 5 1/2 year courtship. The reason for the long courtship was that she was 4 1/2 years younger than I, and we both had to complete our education. I went to graduate school for a masters degree and the went in the Navy for 2 years during the Korean war. By that time she was old enough to marry (21).

Since I had no experience, in hindsight, I was not a great lover. I neglected her pleasure, because I was unaware that women have to be fondled prior to intercourse in order to get her primed for sex. I figured that it would automatically be great for her as it was for me. So it took me a while to learn how to make love to a woman, but I had a lifetime to learn and practice. Hopefully your husband will go slowly and give you proper guidance. Don't worry, you can't do anything as wrong as I did. (but I have made up for my errors with a very long romantic loving marriage). Good luck, and congratulations

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2007
In reply to: aemh2o
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 4:38pm
I would say don't worry about pleasing him. He should be very patient with you and understand you're not very experienced. Just keep an open mind and be willing to learn. This sounds crass, but sex for men is pleasing and it's not too difficult for them to be satisfied, so just relax and know that he will be pleased with the worst sex possible:-) So just have fun and know as you grow together you will get better and you will learn how to please each other.