3 out of 3?? It must be me.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
3 out of 3?? It must be me.......
9
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 3:58pm

I am 40 years old..I have been divorced for five years now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 4:37pm
Well it's probably not you and not their age either.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 4:38pm
So, you're saying that the last three men you've dated have been able to perform with oral stimulation but not during intercourse? Sounds very fishy to me.

Did they offer reciprocation for the oral pleasure? Did you expect or ask for it? Were you sexually satisfied some other way in lieu of intercourse?

I'm not sure what's going on but maybe you're subconsciously attracting or are attracted to the same kind of man with the same kind of problems.

And yes, men CAN begin having erectile problems during middle age, however, it's certainly not a given.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 4:55pm

The man I'm seeing now IS on high blood pressure medicine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:34pm
I really agree with Tish's point about meds. In fact, the weight thing you pointed out would indicate issues with their health in ways that DO affect sexual performance. Must admit, a "quickie" blowjob is different from longer lasting intercourse that does require more physical stamina on their parts. I only say this speaking as a man myself.

Oh, before I forget, LOL, I don't believe anyone here would be that surprised to find any man who says "this never happened before" when it comes to the embarrassment of losing erection. Just something to keep in mind.

I think we're all in agreement thought that it simply isn't you. If they can receive a blowjob and somehow enjoy THAT, then they're obviously not broken, LOL! Just so you know, I'm still in my 30's myself and sometimes have difficulties too, so I wouldn't place too too toooo much on the age thing just yet. For many of us men, all it takes is fatigue or stress or simply just the overall health from exercise/eating habits...as well as the possibility of the meds that may be involved.

Kat is right, just what DID those guys do for you? Have you enjoyed sex through foreplay at all or was it just the intercourse?

Hope we've answered your concerns some. :)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:12pm

Hi..Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 11:31pm
First of all, their erection "problems" have nothing to do with interest, or the lack of it. I'm curious, you say they all said "wow, this never happened to me before", and as Para said, of COURSE they'd say that....it's called "male pride". But, were you with them more than one time? I don't think that line would work more than one time.

There are physical AND emotional reasons for ED. The physical reasons are obvious, if they're on antidepressants or BP meds. Those are known to cause erectile problems. Weight, in and of itself doesn't effect erections, but overweight men can have circulation problems like diabetes, and that can effect erections. Age has nothing to do with anything. Healthy men in their 50's, 60's, 70's or 80's have no problems with erections.

Then there are the emotional reasons....like nervousness (performance anxiety), and that can affect a man of any age, even a teen ager. Men in new relationships can be nervous, until they know a woman well enough to be comfortable with them. How long did these "relationships" last?

Maybe you're just TOO hot, and you scare them! Patience.......that's what it takes, on both your parts. And definitely not making a big deal out of it...because that just makes them more nervous, and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Last but not least......even without an erection, a man can give a woman lots of pleasure, and it's not necessary to just give them a quickie BJ.....unless they're just lazy and selfish. He still has fingers and a tongue, and erections aren't necessary to use them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 6:18pm
LOL! Normally I'd say that it'd be good for to hear from your men's point of view, but I'm not as confident as I could probably be after hearing that they claim these issues never happened before, or something to that affect.

Even as a , I TOTALLY understand what you're going through. Not that this will help you feel better, but its worth keeping in mind anyway that we are likely the ones who feel inadequate the most when you really think about it in general. WE are the ones who worry about our "sizes" or our length of erection times or whether or not our women are faking it. Sure, not all guys really care about that, but I'd bet (and this is always debatable, LOL, but anyway...) that more guys than women are actually concerned about being adequate in bed. Anyway...

I don't really think that you're in any way to be afraid that you're doing something wrong. I still guess that you're likely not the problem, but MAN O' MAN is it ever cool to hear someone be so sensitive about it like you are as compared to those that are simply in it for themselves. Know what I mean? ;)

I still believe that communication is our greatest sexual tool...I really do. Communicate with your man and find out if there is anything you can improve on for him, especially that will help him last longer. Even my own wife is surprised at how much longer I last when she foreplays me than those times when she doesn't, LOL!

Now just to make sure I don't get misunderstood by anyone...

YES, it would really be nice if you had a man who was just as sensitive toward you and concerned about your needs as you are him & his. That said, time for this hubby to check a few more posts and watch the Twins beat the Yanks!

;D

;D

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 12:48pm
I'm in my mid-forties. I have absolutely NO problem getting hard during intercourse or any other time. Not sure if I'm normal in that respect, I would suspect I am. But I get hard a lot, annoys my wife sometimes. I wish she was ready for a quick bj like you are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 12:54pm
Besides a medical condition, I can think of two other problems. One is that if you are having IC very early in the relationship, like first couple of dates, then he could be getting nervous and that can cause the problem. It's like the mind is saying yes, the body is saying no. The other problem could be that these guys could have masterbated the day before and that can cause problems in performance soon after during ic. I don't think it's you either. If they couldn't get turned on by you during sex, then why would they be going out with you at all?