The 30 Year Old Virgin
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| Fri, 01-13-2006 - 3:34pm |
A guy here, looking for advice from the fairer sex…
It’s 2006, I’m about to turn 31, I’m still a virgin, and frankly, I’m freaking out. Up until my mid-20s, I refrained from sex cuz of personal beliefs –partly religious. I went thru a re-examination of my life at that point, realized that I didn’t really believe that stuff, and realized that a healthy sex life can be normal, good and FUN! Well, I met this wonderful woman that would be my s/o for the next 2 ½ years, and wouldn’t you know it: she was a virgin, waiting till marriage. I really thought we were made for each other (we did everything BUT), but she split after Uncle Sam called up my army unit and sent me to the sandbox. After 2 trips overseas, I returned single, lonely and still a virgin. I know most people will freak at that, especially the next woman I call my girlfriend. Should I (A.) just find a one night stand at an OSU bar and get it over with? Or (B.) Wait until I’m in a semi-serious relationship with a woman? I’d like to wait for the right woman… but worry she’ll laugh and then leave me in the same situation. A few guy friends like (A.), a few girl friends like (B.) How/when should I tell this to a woman?

I think it's very refreshing to hear that a guy has saved himself for something more than just a quick and easy lay! My DH was a virgin, at 22, when we met and I was very pleased with the news. Not a turnoff at all but a major turnon for me.
I think you need to give women more credit and just be honest with your next GF when the time comes. No, you don't need to tell her on the first date, but at the appropriate time. Believe me, knowing that you're someone's first, makes it all the more special!
Be proud of your choices! It shows that you aren't lead by temptation and your carnal lusts. You're a man of principal and will. That's admirable.
I agree with Kat's post.
I suppose women and men face different pressures with respect to this issue. I didn't lose my virginity until fairly late (late 20s) and remember feeling abnormal for much of my 20s. I worried about what guys would think. When I met the guy who I eventually lost it to, I had a frank talk with him about it and he was completely understanding and not weirded out.
If I met a man who is a virgin, I wouldn't be judgmental, in large part because of my own experience. I don't know how other women would be. All I can say is, sex is a special thing. For me, I cannot have sex and not develop feelings of attachment, so I'm glad I didn't just lose my virginity to some random guy. It didn't work out, but he was wonderful during my first time.
But I realize that as a man, you confront a different set of issues with respect to virginity. I personally think there's nothing wrong with losing it for the sake of losing it. You need to know yourself though. If you believe you can handle just having sex without the emotional attachment, then I suppose it's fine. Just be clear about this with whomever you pair up with. But if you want it to be special with a special woman, then I think it's worth waiting for.
You really underestimate women! Besides, you're only a "technical" virgin. You say you did "everything but" in your 2.5 year relationship. As long as you know how to please a woman with "everything but".....intercourse isn't that big a deal. It's just the next logical step, and I'm sure you know what to do. Part "P" goes into Part "V". It's not really hard to figure out.
I think most women would be very understanding, and also be very willing to teach you anything you're uncomfortable with. Also, every woman is different, and even if you'd had intercourse with your ex, it would be somewhat different with the next woman.
As long as you waited this long, why ruin your record with a drunk from a bar? Save it for someone who's worth it. It seems that's how most of your female friends think, too.
Be patient, find the right woman, and everything will fall into place.
First of all, THANK YOU for your service!!! :)
Now, you're a virgin at 31 (almost)...well done, sir!!! You have true sexual integrity, CHARACTER, and have waited for not just the right moment, but the right woman. You have already made your statement, by your life-long choice so far, that the only woman you'll 'be' with is one who is indeed special enough.
Your choice so far is more about with someone special enough and not about having a good time and thats it. This is NOT a failure to attract!
Your choice is not as advertised or as popular, but it certainly is one shared by a more vast community than you think, whether religious or not. Freak out when your lab tests show STDs in your system or when your fun-loving times produce and unwanted/unexpected child with a lady you had no intent to stay with. Don't freak about a lady laughing at you; be grateful she helped you filter out the good from the bad.
Also, don't be afraid to investigate your religious side as well. Its all about learning, no harm, no commitment. Learn about it, think about it...no shackles, right?
Always questions from the virgin side on these boards, no matter what the age, so keep posting with questions if you'd like. A bigger family of vigins out there than you realize. Whether its popular or not, personally, we're proud of you!
Mr. and Mrs. Para
Oh, Happy Birthday! :)
C H A R A C T E R
Thanks to all who responded! You have no idea how much better I feel reading these responses... I cannot undue the past, but now I know I should not be regretting it, that it is who I am, or rather, it was who I was at the time. I realize I probably was not ready for sex at that point in my life, although I could have had it like most people do.
I do take to heart what you say about the right woman, and I guess I should clarify: I'm not necessarily looking for the woman I see myself marrying; I realize that attitude may have been/probably was a factor in the failure of past relationships. I guess the "right woman" actually refers to someone that I am more than just casually dating -- a semi-serious relationship, if you will. I'm not going to wait for a ring to be bought, but I guess if I've waited this long, she should be someone I feel love towards, instead of just a girl I've dated 3-4 times... besides, if a semi-serious gf really likes/loves me, she will probably be more understanding, forgiving... and maybe excited that she gets a blank slate lover! I can only hope!)
I will be returning to a 'normal' life shortly, and I will begin dating again... I'm sure this may be a strike against me with some women, but I now believe that when I tell the right woman, she will be eager to have me as a student. I know I will be anxious at first, but I have been a sexual person... I just haven't had "Tab P into Slot V" intercourse yet, so I think I'll still be able to please her in one aspect...
I've found these message boards to be extremely helpful, especially getting women's opinions; most guys tell me to go for a one-night-stand and "just do it", but one buddy said 'hey, even porn stars remember their first love- don't waste it on just anybody.' I'm sure I'll come back to these boards for more information... ladies (and a few gents) thank you.
Like everyonen else said, you aren't giving women enough credit. :-) Sure, there are going to be women who run the other way when you tell them you're a virgin, but there are going to be some who will be very happy to be your first.
Really, there is nothing wrong with waiting until you're in a semi-serious relationship to have sex. I'm waiting until marriage. Yes, it makes it a little more difficult to date, but I honestly believe that waiting until it feels right is the best thing to do.