3rd time, Uncomfortable

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
3rd time, Uncomfortable
2
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 12:36pm

Hi

My boyfriend and I just started having sex for the first time a week ago. We were both virgins. The first time we used lots of lube and it wasn't exactly painful, though it was a little uncomfortable. The second time was about the same. We just tried having sex again yesterday (this time without lube) and it seemed about the same as before. I guess my main concern is, is this normal? I thought sex was supposed to be enjoyable. Right now, it just seems like I am still stretching out or something, since there is still some discomfort. We always make sure we have enough lube and my boyfriend goes slow. Will things get better? He is concerned, and does not want to do this anymore if it is going to hurt me. I love my boyfriend and am definitely turned on by him and the idea of having sex with him, it just doesnt seem to be pleasurable at all yet. Also, it is really hard to get the last 1/2 inch or so in, and that causes some discomfort and a little pain sometimes. If anyone has any suggestions that would be greatly appreciated. Will it get better over time? Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 2:56pm
I've been sexually active with two men, and I remember having similar concerns. I assumed after the first time, it wouldn't be painful, but I'd say it took three or four times until penetration didn't hurt. I got a lot of advice on this board, and it really does have a lot to do with your state of mind and being relaxed and lubricated. Recently, I started sleeping with a new boyfriend, who has significantly more length and girth than my first boyfriend. I was scared at first, but after the first few times, it's gotten better and better. I don't know how big your boyfriend is, but mine is able to get completely inside of me, and because I'm relaxed and in the moment, there's no pain and it feels good. I think both of you just need to try a few more times. You'll feel less nervous and then it will start to be a lot more enjoyable for both of you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 3:21pm

It's all a matter of enough foreplay, and you relaxing and NOT expecting it to be painful. It's also a matter of the fact that for women, intercourse isn't the be-all end-all of sex. Your vagina has little or no feeling inside, with the exception of the "g" spot. The only nerve endings are at the opening, and that's where the pain is, too. 80% of women never have orgasms from intercourse alone. Your "real" sexual organ is your clitoris.....which needs to be stimulated manually or orally to get you aroused, and to produce orgasms, before or during intercourse.

You can use all the lube in the world, it's not going to help if you're nervous, and not aroused. Your vagina doesn't "stretch out" just because you've had intercourse. Your vaginal muscles are always closed tight, and don't stretch without enough foreplay to relax you. If you're relaxed, the muscles loosen up, and you'll produce plenty of lubrication, but it's always a good idea to use some lube in the beginning, until you're less nervous about it. Size, within reason has nothing to do with it. Your vagina can stretch big enough to allow a baby to pass thru it! (and within a few weeks, it's right back to the original size!)

Both of you should check out www.the-clitoris.com and learn about how a woman's body works. Guys like to go right for the intercourse, because that's what THEY like, but women need a lot more than that. He sounds like he's a caring guy, he doesn't want to hurt you.....so both of you should read and learn what makes it good for both of you.

Just reading it together would be a good start to getting you properly aroused! Have fun with it, don't worry, it will get better.

PS: If you're not on some form of b/c, then it would be good for you to look into it....being scared about getting pregnant isn't making it any easier for you. Being on b/c will eliminate that worry. Every woman who's sexually active should see her gyno annually, so make an appt. and do some research about b/c.