3Some

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
3Some
44
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 10:57pm
I've been happily married to my husband for 4 years and we are together for 7. We are both 26 and are planning to have a baby in the next year or two.

A few years ago my husband brought up the idea of 3some with another girl. Although I was intrigued by the idea of it, I was hesitant and very nervous. Last year for Christmas I figured..WHY NOT. My husband never had any interest to have sex with these girls, he was just interested in sensual and erotic experience of the 3some (kissing, touching, etc...) I felt very comfortable and at ease and so we began exploring our options.

We started out by going to Strip Clubs and he would buy a lap dance for me. One thing led to another and we ended up in a private room with a stripper, making out. The following week we had an amazing experience with an escort.

As the months went by, this suddenly became the sexual fantacy that can now be fullfilled whenenever we wish. Unfortunatley, I was starting to feel very uncomfortable with the idea. My husband was very absorbed in it and he was trying to find a girl for us. He also asked me to talk these girls and see if we would get along. This was so uncomfortable for me.

For some strange reason I was begining to feel less sure of myself and not at all confident. Today, my husband told me that he would like to have a 3some again and I don't know what to do. I am not sure if this is good for a marriage. If anyone has similiar experiences that they can share, I would greatly appreciate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 4:54pm
I would say that it is not good for a marriage. A one-time experiment, okay, fine. But even that is risky. Men and men - they will push for as much sex as they can possibly get, lol. If you don't want to, then don't do it. You have compromised! So that is a lot right there.



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 9:36pm
It appears that your situation is a lot more complex then mine. You seem to have some underlying issues and reasons why your SO is not interested in FMF. My only advice to you is to communicate with her. Also, it is always best to feel comfortable and secure in your relationship prior to pursuing and fullfilling your sexual fantasies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 11:35am
Yes it is, I agree. One of the things my SO has not figured out yet though is that my happiness and neds are mostly fulfilled in the bedroom. I don't require a lot outside of that. She on the other hand, needs the out side stuff, and although I am trying, I am just not very good at it. I have never really been a person who could be very romantic. I am a romantic at heart, in that I feel like I fell in love with her the moment I laid eyes on her, but, I am not the type who can come up with romantic things to do, and then have fun with them. It is really hard for me. I am trying though, as I know that is what she needs. But, I think she really needs to see what she is doing at the same time. Stop for 5 seconds and see the double standards she is pressing into place, and making hard fast rules that contridict her own actions. Just because I disagree with her making those rules, does not mean I will not follow them, I just want her to accept the responsibility of what she has done. Other than that, I am all good. We are working on her problems, and trying to get them situated and taken care of, so there are no more issues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 11:49am
since you seem to be giving out pretty good advice maybe you can help me! I once brought up the idea of having a threesome with my boyfriend and another girl and he dismissed the idea right away which surprised me. He told me that he wouldn't want to do something like that with me, and the he would only do it if he didn't know the two girls very well...I know he loves me and I love him very much as well butI can't really understand his point of view, jeephead maybe you can help me to understand why he doesn't want to have one with me...


Jenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 12:57pm
Your boyfriend may have jealousy issues, or he may even think you have jealousy issues. Why do you want to have a threesome?? Was it for him, or for yourself? Do you like the idea of being with a woman? Do you think it is erotic, or sexy? Is your BF very good at orally pleasing you? He may be afraid of her doing it better, or more powerfully than he will. Fear has a lot to do with desicions as well. As far as I am concerned, I no longer worry about better or worse. I know what I can do for my SO, and I know how to do it easily, so any one else that can please her that way is good in my book. My Ego left the building not to long ago, and I have decided that rather than building it back up and getting back to the man I was who thought I was her biggest, her best, and the Shoalin Priest of Tongue Fu, I realized that I have to accept certain things. Those things are that there are people better, bigger, and more educated than I am out there, and That is very difficult for many men to take. It was hell for me to take that is for sure. I still have not fully recovered from it. So, I guess the only way for you to know for sure is to ask. Has he ever done it before?? I mean there are so many variables.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 2:05pm
If he's anything like me, the thought of watching your SO with anyone else, man or woman, is sickening. I don't think it's jealousy as much as it goes against all that love and sex stands for, for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 2:16pm
I've never understood how some people make the assumption that because you don't want to participate in threesomes it somehow means you have jealousy issues. It's just not some people's thing. It doesn't mean they have sexual hang ups, jealousy issues, or aren't open minded.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 3:47pm
O.K. If it's not hang ups, Jealousy, or close mindedness, then what is it?? I have known people on both sides here, and it always boils down to one of the three. Or it is something they are afraid of trying, and liking to much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 4:06pm
It repulses me Jeep. What's so hard to understand? Sure, jealousy seems natural, but that would make me angry and resentful, not replulsed. I'd feel like vomiting at the thought of someone touching the man that I love. The parts that I love. I have NEVER fantasized about having a threesome with my DH. It just never crossed my mind. I can't fathom how anyone can actually get enjoyment out of it or aroused. Intimacy to me means joined spiritually, physically, and emotionally. A threesome would break all of those barriers. I can actually feel my skin cringe at the thought, which is why I have such a hard time understanding it(as I've stated in the past).
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 4:17pm
I personally see nothing wrong with your point of view. Threesomes are not for everyone, as many people have said several times. It takes a lot of talk and understanding between the couple that is going through with it and if it not your thing, no big deal. To each his own, right? If it works for you and your relationship, great. If not, that's great too! Just my two cents here...
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