3Some

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
3Some
44
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 10:57pm
I've been happily married to my husband for 4 years and we are together for 7. We are both 26 and are planning to have a baby in the next year or two.

A few years ago my husband brought up the idea of 3some with another girl. Although I was intrigued by the idea of it, I was hesitant and very nervous. Last year for Christmas I figured..WHY NOT. My husband never had any interest to have sex with these girls, he was just interested in sensual and erotic experience of the 3some (kissing, touching, etc...) I felt very comfortable and at ease and so we began exploring our options.

We started out by going to Strip Clubs and he would buy a lap dance for me. One thing led to another and we ended up in a private room with a stripper, making out. The following week we had an amazing experience with an escort.

As the months went by, this suddenly became the sexual fantacy that can now be fullfilled whenenever we wish. Unfortunatley, I was starting to feel very uncomfortable with the idea. My husband was very absorbed in it and he was trying to find a girl for us. He also asked me to talk these girls and see if we would get along. This was so uncomfortable for me.

For some strange reason I was begining to feel less sure of myself and not at all confident. Today, my husband told me that he would like to have a 3some again and I don't know what to do. I am not sure if this is good for a marriage. If anyone has similiar experiences that they can share, I would greatly appreciate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 4:25pm
Of course, to each his own. If it works for someone else, more power to them. I just KNOW that all of the "talking" and "understanding," won't eradicate my feelings or lessen them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 4:37pm
And no one is trying to tell you that you need to do so. I talked about a threesome with my SO for over a year before we actually went through with it and although I have never been repulsed at the thought, I was very hesitant at first, but for other reasons. IF talking and understanding doesn't lessen your feelings, fine. You have the right to feel the way you do about what will and won't happen in your relationship. No one is mad or upset about the way you feel. It's not our place to be.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 4:52pm
I should hope not! I wouldn't want to upset anyone with my own personal views. It was suggested that there were only three possibilities as to why someone wouldn't be game for a threesome...I just gave an additional one.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 4:53pm
If you are a monogamous couple, as my DH and I are, then it's a choice to be faithful to the partner you're married to. We could never participate in a threesome, nor would we want to risk it all for a few moments of illicit sex with a third party.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 4:58pm
I will say that after JT and I finally tie the knot (although I am beginning to wonder if it will ever happen), all talk of threesomes will come to a stop. We both have agreed on that because it, IMO, is a direct and purposful <- I think I just made up my own word! breech of the vows said to one another, even if you write your own vows. It's a break in your marraige. If people can make it work while they are married, all the more power to them. I for one will not allow it to happen because of my own beliefs.


Edited 6/16/2004 4:59 pm ET ET by sweetbutterfly36
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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:11pm
Any time you invite another person into your bedroom, it's a risk. No matter how well you plan ahead, how much you discuss it, how many rules and guidelines you set in place, the risk is still there. No one knows how they will feel about it until after it's over. AND no one knows how the third party will feel or react either. I'm sure that many a relationship has been destroyed because one person in a couple has fallen for the third person.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:18pm
I wish you both all the best, but this kind of thing can be a Pandora's box that once opened, can never be closed again. It's become part of the relationship. Once you've incorporated others into your sex life, monogamous sex may never give the thrill you're used to with a new person in the bed all the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 8:48pm
>>O.K. If it's not hang ups, Jealousy, or close mindedness, then what is it??<<

Risk assesment. It's not worth the risk for a cheap thrill. You have said yourself, it's only sex. Our marriage is more than that. It's a loving relationship, friendship, support, companionship, and a million other things all rolled into one. A threesome deosn't compare. When we discussed the two, it was an easy choice. Our marriage came before the thrill. I don't make the judgment that your relationship is worthless because you two share your bodies outside of it, so why say others are just jealous or aren't open minded? I think that is a snap judgement. And to me, I think it makes you sound like you feel superior and like you are more sexually open minded. When in reality, your tastes are just *different*.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 10:15am
Thanks! You know, not that I have been on this board for some time, I consider myself and our threesomes to be very lucky. We have had three but all three were with the same girl. And this girl had had a crush on both JT and I for a VERY long time. But we all have been friends for years and we all know how each other feels about this type of thing. It has been quite some time since the last one and I must say that JT's and I's sex life has in no way changed for the worst. It just gets better and better all the time. I guess I should just consider myself pretty lucky that things turned ot so well. Although every time Amy and I (the above mentioned girl) do something together, JT always asks of we did anything sexual. LOL He is always joking and I would love to one time say yes, just to see his reaction, but otherwise, I really don't see her any different after all has been said and done. Like I said, I guess we are just lucky to have things unchanging when it is just the two of us. I still get just as excited aobut sex and so does he. Life is good right now... :)


Edited 6/17/2004 10:15 am ET ET by sweetbutterfly36
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 3:04pm
That is cool free, but it sounds to me like it is a jealousy issue with you. Vomiting comes when the anger over the betrayal takes over. LOL I know the feeling. I have been there before. I however do not feel that it is wrong, or that it is cheating, or even as you say taking anything away from our intemacy. I loved it. To each his own though. No worries, I really wasn't trying to get you all worked up. LOL