3Some

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
3Some
44
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 10:57pm
I've been happily married to my husband for 4 years and we are together for 7. We are both 26 and are planning to have a baby in the next year or two.

A few years ago my husband brought up the idea of 3some with another girl. Although I was intrigued by the idea of it, I was hesitant and very nervous. Last year for Christmas I figured..WHY NOT. My husband never had any interest to have sex with these girls, he was just interested in sensual and erotic experience of the 3some (kissing, touching, etc...) I felt very comfortable and at ease and so we began exploring our options.

We started out by going to Strip Clubs and he would buy a lap dance for me. One thing led to another and we ended up in a private room with a stripper, making out. The following week we had an amazing experience with an escort.

As the months went by, this suddenly became the sexual fantacy that can now be fullfilled whenenever we wish. Unfortunatley, I was starting to feel very uncomfortable with the idea. My husband was very absorbed in it and he was trying to find a girl for us. He also asked me to talk these girls and see if we would get along. This was so uncomfortable for me.

For some strange reason I was begining to feel less sure of myself and not at all confident. Today, my husband told me that he would like to have a 3some again and I don't know what to do. I am not sure if this is good for a marriage. If anyone has similiar experiences that they can share, I would greatly appreciate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 3:13pm
Good point. I like to hear the alternative view points. But some need to lighten up about it. LOL It is a choice, and while I feel that whether you are married or just in a committed relationship, it makes no difference. If you are open to it, then you are open to it. A piece of paper and some vows, while very, very important, do not change anything in the relationship. There feelings don't immediately change, or whatever. It is a choice that people make, and there are risks, sure, but if you keep those risks out in the open, and do not keep secrets about the situations, then all will end up fine. I do not suffer from jealousy per say. I do have issues with certain things, but as far as my SO and what we do sexually, I do not have hangups over another person doing them to, or for her. She on the other hand has some issues, and we are talking about them, and working through them. As we go. I was not trying to imply that I was superior to anyone. I do however feel that when you are excluding things from your life, your mind is closed to them, and therefore you are more close minded about certain things than others. Make any sense there?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 3:42pm
>>It is a choice that people make, and there are risks, sure, but if you keep those risks out in the open, and do not keep secrets about the situations, then all will end up fine.<<

You're assuming it will always end up fine. How do you know it will? I think it's possible to take all necessary precautions and stil have it turn out negatively. There is no way to gaurantee a good outcome.

>>I do however feel that when you are excluding things from your life, your mind is closed to them, and therefore you are more close minded about certain things than others. Make any sense there?<<

I really disagree with that. I think discussing them *is* being open. I don't feel it's necessary to indulge in something in order to qualify as being open about it. By that logic, if a couple openly discussed the pro's and con's of a threesome and decided it wasn't for them, they are suddenly close minded because they didn't indulge? I don't think so. I don't think it's necessary to engage in things that are potentially risky to be open minded, I think being able to discuss it freely and without judgement is enough.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: lena2028
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 4:24pm
Well...why wouldn't I fantasize about it then? tee hee I mean there'd be no jealousy issues in my mind now would there be? I'm not a jealous woman by nature. Jeep. I live in the real world, and I accept that nobody owns anybody. However, I speak the truth(for me). I would feel repulsed having(me and DH) sex with a third-party, man or woman. I would not become aroused at all. And that's the precursor to any jealousy issues that may arise. So, jealousy is not the primary reason why I can never be involved in a threesome because it would never get that far to begin with. Are you really that surprised that someone couldn't get aroused at all, and may actually feel nauseated by it? It's that unbelievable to you? Well, that's how I feel towards someone who can do a threesome with someone they love. I find it unbelievable.

P.S. I'm not worked up, Jeep, really.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: lena2028
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 4:26pm
ITA...and accepting that others may not feel the same as you is also being open minded.


Edited 6/17/2004 4:35 pm ET ET by free_to_choose
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lena2028
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 4:41pm
Oh,I exclude MANY things in my life, by choice. Murder, child molestation, incest, cruelty to animals, etc. etc. etc. And yes, we all have to decide what things are unhealthy for us and our relationship.

We all have different boundaries, Jeep. And OUR choice not to share our bed with others has nothing to do with closemindedness, it's called discernment.




Edited 6/17/2004 5:59 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lena2028
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 4:51pm
Absolutely.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 9:36pm
I think that people are sometimes caught up in the whole idea of what society tells us sex and marriage is. And although deep inside they wish they can explore other things and be more open and honest with themselves,they are to afraid because of what we are told is right and wrong. My husband and I came to a realization that although we are married and completely in love with eachother, the two of us feel that if there are certain sexual desires that we wish to do in our lives, it is best to be honest and talk about it rather then cheat. That's just my opinion. Since I will be with my husband for the rest of my life, we should not feel like we can not do anything anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 9:40pm
Although, my point of view on this is a little different. You absolutley have a right to your opinion and feelings on this subject. There are certain things that I wont stand for and feel very uncomfortable about myself.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lena2028
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 2:16am
True. But some of us still believe that the time for exploring other sexual partners is BEFORE you commit yourself to another person in marriage.

It's a choice to be monogamous, just as it's a choice to have an open marriage. But our choice had nothing to do with fear at all. We simply believe that our relationship is too valuable to risk for a sexual fling.

We regularly discuss the status of our relationship and share our thoughts, and we're still in agreement about our choice. But if there ever came a time when one of us desired another person, then we'd discuss it as we always have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: lena2028
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 11:46am

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