50+--Where did the libido go?
Find a Conversation
50+--Where did the libido go?
| Thu, 04-27-2006 - 8:18am |
I'm new to the message boards, but have learned a lot of neat stuff in the past few weeks, just reading through several of the boards.
I am 51 and my husband is 52, We shared great romanace and sex until about 3 months ago. He came home from a routine doctors appointment and I saw a box of Levitra he had laid on the bar. I was immediately upset,(I think at myself for not noticing a problem, and for him, at not talking to me about it). I thought things had been going great with our sex life, except for periodic problems with loosing his erection--which I thought was no big deal-I told him it was ok. I asked him about the medicine and he said the physician had brought it up in their discussion, when he asked if my husband was having any side effects from his current medicines. He told him he was having problems maintaining an erection. (He is 3 years post heart attack (and doing great),hypertension and high cholesterol--all of the major disease categories to cause ED)Just a little history----- He told me he just wants me to be satisfied. After we talked and I got used to the idea,--- it has given us some laughs.
My question is--for any 50+ guys out there or women of 50+ spouses-- I would like to hear how their sex life/libido/desire for sex,etc. has changed since turning the big 50. We were used to making love at least every other or every third night and now I get the feeling he would be happy with once a week. This is such a drastic change? Also from waking up with a hard-on and him saying ---I'd love to feel your mouth on my dick -- to currently--me asking--(when he has one of those early morning hard-ons---How about me sucking on your dick? ---His response is---If you want to??????? I love him dearly and I'm siure he still feels the same, but HELP--My libido has skyrocketed and his has taken a nose dive. Sorry for the longwindedness-----
I am 51 and my husband is 52, We shared great romanace and sex until about 3 months ago. He came home from a routine doctors appointment and I saw a box of Levitra he had laid on the bar. I was immediately upset,(I think at myself for not noticing a problem, and for him, at not talking to me about it). I thought things had been going great with our sex life, except for periodic problems with loosing his erection--which I thought was no big deal-I told him it was ok. I asked him about the medicine and he said the physician had brought it up in their discussion, when he asked if my husband was having any side effects from his current medicines. He told him he was having problems maintaining an erection. (He is 3 years post heart attack (and doing great),hypertension and high cholesterol--all of the major disease categories to cause ED)Just a little history----- He told me he just wants me to be satisfied. After we talked and I got used to the idea,--- it has given us some laughs.
My question is--for any 50+ guys out there or women of 50+ spouses-- I would like to hear how their sex life/libido/desire for sex,etc. has changed since turning the big 50. We were used to making love at least every other or every third night and now I get the feeling he would be happy with once a week. This is such a drastic change? Also from waking up with a hard-on and him saying ---I'd love to feel your mouth on my dick -- to currently--me asking--(when he has one of those early morning hard-ons---How about me sucking on your dick? ---His response is---If you want to??????? I love him dearly and I'm siure he still feels the same, but HELP--My libido has skyrocketed and his has taken a nose dive. Sorry for the longwindedness-----

Pages
In my case, I'm told that "it's all you ever think about" and my wife may well be right.
Meds seem to cause different reactions to different people. I have been taking BP meds for ten years now, and they have deterred no erections for me.
I can tell you this. You would never have to make that offer to me twice in the same instant.
Talk to him about it.
We have talked and he just says he wants to make sure I am satisfied. It's just hard--- after 22 years of him wanting to make love anytime to--- ok if we do---ok if we don't---"I just want to make you happy". I want US to be happy together, not just me. I can't be happy and satisfied unless I know he is. All of this is just so different......
The Levitra works great. The other times we do end up using other methods. I know that it is not me but unfortunately it's hard to hang on to that thought when things are going great and then----no more erection and I can't help but think---is there something I'm doing???? I do have a developing collection of toys, but it is not the same. I don't mean to sound selfish, I'm just concerned.
Welcome to the board, agedheatwave!
Yes, at 50, things can start dropping, falling off, or going on the fritz if you don't work at keeping things vital. There are obviously health issues that you may or may not be able to control but you both CAN consciously make a choice to make sex a priority.
Talk with your DH about scheduling sex or taking turns initiating. I know we had to do that in our 20's and 30's when the kids were young. Scheduling keeps sex in your mind & builds anticipation. It keeps it on your calender and an important priority like all the others we have. Pretty soon, after about 30 days or so, it will be "Honey, it's Wed., ready for me?"
However, you can also look at this period as a personal exploratory period as well. Use the extra sexual energy you have to explore your own sexual capacity and then share it with him. Toys, fantasy, etc. can come in handy now. It's a transition period for sure, but change is good.
Edited 4/27/2006 11:46 am ET by katmandoo2001
agedheatwave,
Let me preface this by saying that I am 54 and DW is 49, so we're where you are.
First, it is probable that his meds are making a difference , though you say it's only started happening lately.
I think the real problem here is this concept that men ALWAYS have to be horny and ready to go, while women don't necessarily need to be. Anybody who knows anything about human sexuality knows that as men get older the urgency of their sex drive lessens. It is just as true that women in their 40s and even 50s experience an increase in their libido and their pleasure. So just accept it for what it is. At younger ages when men's hormones are raging , their female partners frequently have sex mainly to please the men. The women enjoy it, too, and no one has a problem with this. Now, in middle age, the roles are reversed. It's the women who are really hot to trot and have more pleasure. Why can't their male partners do it to please them? This is especially true since most women enjoy oral or digital stimulation as much or even more than intercourse, so why can't the men pleasure them this way and enjoy their wife's pleasure?
taoist
This helped me tremendously your response. To something i am dealing with currently and I know this will come across as strange but -even though when I send something to seek a response on and it helps me from ones here on this forum -I can also at the same time mention something that can help others.
It is said that I saw somewhere that men beyond 45 need a woman to help stimulate him to help him be able to have IC because his body is aging and since men are physical oriented therefore when they are not as physical it effects the testerone... if you want to ask me details -you can email me privately. see other post i am sending to the group too.
JS-Judith
Hi, heatwave.
<<aging>>>
Pages