For 7 mnths he can't get erection
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For 7 mnths he can't get erection
| Thu, 12-09-2004 - 9:08pm |
Hi. I really need some advice. I'm dating a very kind, warm, caring, smart and wonerful man. OK, we all say that I know! Anyway, I met him 4 months after an engagement ended that I had with a man I was very much in love with. I've been in counseling to help get over the ended engagement. Since then though, I have been with this great guy. We've taken everything very slow. But as a result, we've built a very strong emotional bond and friendship with one another. He really has allowed me to trust men again after the ex left and ended my engagement. We've said we loved each other after dating about 3 months. We are having a very difficult time being intimate with one another. He can't get an erection with me. He can only get one on his own. So, I know he's healthy and has no problem masturbating, but he just can't do it with me. He loves me dearly and has already started talking about getting married to me. He is very attracted to me and wants to have sex with me, but obviously without an erection, sex is impossible. I've tried to get him excited and I'm unsuccessful. He got a prescription drug to help, but won't take it because it is embarrassing for him. He's very frustrated by this, and I'm very sad, confused and frustrated also. He just started seeing a therapist for this problem. I am growing more and more impatient on this subject. I love him so much, but I know we have to, and want to, get to this intimate level before we ever even think about marriage. I'm at a loss. It's to the point now, that I'm less and less attracted to him. Help???

Wow! I can imagine how frustrating it must be! I think that he is doing the right thing - seeing the therapist. Hopefully that will help him to sort out whatever it is that's in his head to prevent him from getting an erection and, with fingers crossed, you will see results soon! In reality I guess that it will probably take weeks, if not a few months before he gets results. In the meantime, hopefully you can wait a little bit longer before making any decisions.
Can he give you oral and manual sex in the meantime? Can he take care of your basic needs and give you an orgasm in the meantime? You said that you've been intimate so I guess that he has been. If not, he should be. :-)
Try staying positive. Seeing the therapist is a step in the right direction and all going well it won't be too much longer before the two of you can acheive intercourse.
If I were him, I'd want to please you as much as I was able to. OK, so I'm deathly embarrassed that I can't seem to get an erection but if the therapist has suggested a "sex night" then, by gosh, have a sex night!
I think that he is getting into the spirit of things by suggesting silk, so why not do it with the aim to get some pleasure out of it? He and his therapist are taking care of him, so why don't you take care of yourself? Get the candles out, wear the silk, shave the legs, and spend some time with him kissing and caressing one another before he goes down on YOU! If he wants oral sex, by all means try it, but in the meantime, let him give you a work out! I'd feel free to tell him that too - tell him that you can go down on him if he wants but you'd love for him to go down on you.
The only way that you are going to get comfortable and less embarrassing with the situation is to accept that he's got problems and to talk about the things that you CAN do. It might be embarrassing asking him to go down on you and talking about oral sex, but it can't be any more embarrassing for you than the embarrassment that he already feels! And look at the upside of it if he does go down on you and you enjoy it! BOTH of you will be feeling much better because something was enjoyable in the bedroom! He'll be pleased that he can pleasure you and you'll be pleased because you had a great time.
So go have fun on Saturday night. Be open and honest and do what you can do to work around his problem! ;-)
Like previous poster suggested, *if* you're okay with porn, maybe give that a try. Soft porn would probably better than the hardcore stuff. Using porn doesn't mean that he finds others more attractive than you, it's just a good stimulator to see or hear other people having sex.
Have you ever played with his penis when he's asleep? Does he get an erection from your touch? Maybe try that and if he does get an erection, continue to manually or orally stimulate him until he wakes up, then try intercourse, or have intercourse in his sleep.. I'm sure he won't mind.
Maybe try roleplay?
Most importantly.. is he sexually attracted women? I know this sounds silly, but there is a slight slight possibility that he is a gay man in denial.