8 months of dating and no sex?? Normal?

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Registered: 10-22-2004
8 months of dating and no sex?? Normal?
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Tue, 07-19-2005 - 10:17am

discussion title: Dating 8 months and no sex??
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from: prettymatty1972
date: Jul-18 2:57 pm
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HELP. I'm becoming more confused every day. I've been dating a man exclusively now for over 8 months. Everything seems fine - he's very attentive and caring. However, he doesn't seem to be terribly interesting in taking the relationship to the next level - physical intimacy. I'm so confused - sometimes I think it's out of respect for me, sometimes I feel like it's the fact that he's shy and needs encouragement. I can't help but wonder, though, if it's ME??? We'll get a little hot and heavy and he always pulls back.
Any thoughts would be GREATLY appreciated. Also, any suggestions about how to bring up this topic with him would be great as well. I've tried a couple of times, but it's like pulling teeth to get this man to talk!


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Registered: 11-22-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 10:48am
I don't understand how that could really be dating. How do you know you are truly attracted to the guy if you haven't seen how it goes in bed? My gfs and I were joking the other day that you almost need to sleep with the guy on the first date to know if there's physical attraction there. (OK, the very first date might be an exaggeration in some cases ;-) )
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Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 10:55am

Sure it could be


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Avatar for elainetwirl
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Registered: 05-01-2003
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 11:00am
There are still enough old-fashioned men around who believe it is respecting of a woman not to be sexually pushy (or even leading). I like guys who respect me, and having come from a rather conservative and traditional background, I think I understand their motivation. However, I am like you and want a relationship that is fully-orbed and thoroughly sexual. This means prodding the guy to take the next step. Elaine
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Registered: 10-22-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 11:13am
Thanks so much for your responses. I just needed to be reminded, I think, that we need to communicate. And, that by communicating I don't mean me doing all the talking and getting silence only back from him. I HOPE that this is just him being respectful - which would not surprise me knowing his background - and that it is NOT that he's not "into" me. Making him talk to me seems to be the only option, so I figure I'll try it AGAIN :)
Avatar for katmandoo2001
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 11:20am

You can't MAKE him talk though. He either wants to be open about why he's waiting or he doesn't. You say that he's caring and attentive but if he has issues with sex or communication problems, then you need to know that before investing even more time in this relationship.

But sex doesn't make a relationship....friendship, respect and love make a relationship. Sex is just an expression of that. Tell him what you need and expect from him and a relationship, whether he responds or not, he'll know where you stand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 4:52pm
Communication is key. Let him know how it makes you feel, what your background is and what your expectations are. Sometimes it's easier for us to understand that women cannot be forced into physical intimacy, but it's also important to understand that the same goes for men. Only talking these things through and being as understanding and non-threatening as possible can get things further.
good luck :))
Apples
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Registered: 08-14-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 5:09pm

Well, w/o more information, I would say it is perfectly normal. If you live in NY, LA, SF, or any other large city and are over 25, and he has had previous partners as have you, then it gets less normal. I dont know the details, so I cant say for sure. I think there is an easy solution. Make out like normal, take his hand and guide it to where it needs to go. If he doesnt bite then ask him what he expects out of a relationship. Ask him if he likes a healthy amount of sex, if he is waiting for marriage, whatever.

I waited 11 months before starting but I was in constant communication w/ my lady. Both of us are a little more laid back so we dont read into things to much. Every couple is different, but I am surprised there has been at least some conversation about sex.