about being exclusive

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
about being exclusive
6
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 3:31am

We've all seen those posts such as "We've been dating for 6 months, but haven't talked about being exclusive or anything". Then tonight on Frasier, Frasier has a two women after him and Ros says "are you being exclusive?" Frasier says "no" and Ros says "then it's fine to see both women, you're just dating"

What's going on here? What does "just dating" mean in regards to being exclusive? In my dating days (10-20 years ago in Australia) the very act of dating someone implied that you were exclusive to them. Even if the dates only lasted two weeks, it's assumed that you don't see anyone else in that time. Of course, there were those men and women that broke the rules, but they had poor reputations as a result - most would stay well away from 'that type' unless they just wanted sex.

So, what is going on now? Why do we see posts where people say they've been dating but had no conversations about being exclusive?

Is this a difference between countries or dating rule changes or a few strange posters skewing my perceptions?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 7:39am

<>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for imblushing
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:17am
>>>What's going on here? What does "just dating" mean in regards to being exclusive? . . . . . . . . . . . . the very act of dating someone implied that you were exclusive to them. Even if the dates only lasted two weeks, it's assumed that you don't see anyone else in that time.


Wow. LOL

Sharon

A friend is the person who kn

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:20am

Tish,

Ok, I'll save you. Yes, I remember "the good old days." It was definitely assumed that you were "going together" after a couple dates.

I don't see anything wrong with dating different people at the same time, as long as it is just casual dating without the intimacy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 10:48am

I actually see the opposite trend...or I don't I'm not old enough hehe. But my best friends mother is kind of a second mother to me. Anyway, more than once she has commented how silly she thinks it is that these days kids in high school and college automatically assume its exclusive if they go out once or twice. Which in my perspective is true around where I am. When she dated in HS and college it wasn't like that at all. You could date casually without expectations, and THEN if you wanted, exclusivity was discussed. I have to agree with her, I wish dating had fewer expectations as far as exclusivity etc. It would make it a lot easier, and a lot less worrisome, wondering if the guy that you're trying to decide whether you like or not thinks you're exclusive etc. I don't like the uncertainty of whether or not a guy realizes I'm dating other people. And the dating scene would be far less nerve wrackign if dating casually were easier.

Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 3:15pm

Someone said that different people of different ages have different expectations in this area and that's very true. Even different countries and different areas in different countries have different expectations.

Here in New Zealand its generally considered that if you are seeing someone then you are seeing them exclusively, except perhaps in the very early stages when you have only had a couple of dates and you haven't been intimate.

I think that very early on in the dating situation most people have to make a decision about who they are going to date if they have more than one person on the go. Once you hit the second date stage and especially if you have been intimate, it's virtually a given that you are exclusive. It's so accepted that I think that most people would be surprised and upset if they found out that the person they were seeing was dating other people.

Once in a blue moon you would come across someone that you have been dating and been intimate with and they throw the "But we haven't said we're exclusive" line at you. I've found that they tend to be more urban and the 'popular', 'party' type girl or guy.

I have actually had to ask a couple of girls if we are exclusive. I've never figured out a way to say it that sounds relaxed and casual without it kinda implying "I want you babies". LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 4:17pm
bumping this thread for Stabu. It's got different opinions relevant to her questions about dating


Edited 11/19/2004 4:18 pm ET ET by iv_aisha2004
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace