Acting Boyfriend-ish
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| Wed, 07-27-2005 - 12:09am |
Wow there are a lot of FWB cases on the board now!!!
Mine took a weird turn this last weekend...and I am so confused right now. (Not that I wasn't before, but....?)
M called Sat night @ 12 am - after nothing for 2 weeks. Granted, I called him once and texted him a couple of times during those 14 days, but heard nothing from him. He apologized, saying he'd been busy at work, and working 3rd shift is killing him...blah blah blah. (I actually do know he has been busy at work - my dad works for the same company and M's department is always behind.) I was at a bday party for a friend - a guy - when he called. I told him where I was and that I would be there in 45 to 60 minutes (it's a 30 min drive). He called 1/2 hr later wanting to know where I was...He expected me to drop everything and run to him. I left the party and drove to his place - where he was asleep on the couch. When he came too, he gave me the 3rd degree about where I was... who I was with...if I'd ever slept with the bday guy...if I'd slept with anyone else in those 2 weeks...did he know anyone I was out with...
We made out on the couch for awhile - just kissing, which has never happened before. He kept telling me how happy he was that I came, that I was there, that I was with him... (All talk to keep me coming back - I hear ya!) We had sex, though it wasn't as mind-blowing as prev sessions, it was still great.
Afterwards, he was expecting a friend to come over, so I quickly got dressed and ready to leave - knowing how paranoid he is about people finding out about us. He wanted to know why I was in such a hurry to leave, if I was mad at him, if he had done something wrong. I told him I thought it was what he wanted. He hugged and kissed me before I walked out the door - also something that he's never done before.
And it all just feels weird!!! I had finally resolved myself to him being nothing but a sex toy for me to enjoy whenever he wants (LOL) but I saw and felt things that didn't feel like a strictly sexual relationship.
Or am I just imagining things???
Blessings -
Liz

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I never said I drop everything and run to him when he calls. I refuse to do that for a man - I had to do that in a relationship once before and hated every minute of it.
I might have come across as feeling used - but I have never felt abandoned.
And no one on this board has ever agreed that this was a good situation.
I have gone out a couple of times with another guy since I started with M - but there was no vibe, nothing. I haven't stopped looking at and for men just because I'm sleeping with him.
Maybe I'll be the one to leave him when I find something better...hmmm?
Maybe you don't run over the minute after he calls but you said yourself that you left a party fairly quickly to meet him....giving the impression that he had no doubt that you would show.
And if you don't expect encouragement about this arrangment on the board, then why do you seem so surprised and offended when you don't get it?
Because I like beating a dead horse?
I left the party 45 minutes after he called. I told him it would be atleast an hour. Yeah - he knew I was going to show, didn't really keep him in the dark about it.
He has tried a couple of times to get my to drop everything and run...but everytime I've told him I was busy. I wasn't busy, but I atleast tried to let him know that I am not his whore at his beck and call.
And as for me not expecting encouragement for this situation...I'm hoping that maybe someday someone lurking out there would post something positive...Thank goodness I am not holding my breath on that one.
The problem is that you want someone to tell you that you can buy this guy's love with available sex and you can't. Sex won't make anyone love you.
But I've already said that you deserve what you really want, a relationship with someone who cares for you and puts you first, and you do. But if you're happy with this arrangement for the time being, then I'm happy for you. You just need to stop expecting it to be more than it is.
And if you were MY daughter or good friend, I would say exactly the same things, if asked. It's not going to bring you happiness.
I understand what you have been trying to say, and thank you for your opinions.
But if I wanted "motherly advice", then I would talk to my own mother about my sex life.
And she knows that I am sleeping with this guy, and doesn't really care.
>>I'm hoping that maybe someday someone lurking out there would post something positive<<
We can't be positive if we can see anything positive in it.
OK, so here: The guy only wants sex. I think that you have the perfect FWB relationship. He has no interest in a relationship and that's something that can be difficult when you only want sex - the other partner sometimes develops feelings for you and ends up wanting a relationship. In this case, there is no danger of that. Congratulations. Your FWB situation is well under control.
Seriously though, I don't know what you want us to say. You seem desperately unhappy with the situation one moment, but then rubbish any advice we give you and turn around and say that you're happy with the way things are the next moment.
As I've said before, if you truly want no-strings sex, then you've got it.
If you want a relationship (or even the chance at a relationship) with this guy then you HAVE TO rock the boat and tell him what you want. And Yes, that could mean that you will be rejected and end up with nothing.
But if what you have now is making you so unhappy, is having nothing really so bad?
As for dating other guys? One guy does not equal all the men that you could be dating. You have one date with one guy and then decide that dating other men is a waste of time. Come on! Listen to yourself!
Don't forget that you are still hung up (in one way or another) over this other guy and it will be difficult to assess any other guy you might date while you've got him in your head. Ever heard of baggage? Ever hear about people saying "I just started dating a great guy but he's got baggage." Well, you are the one with the baggage in this situation. Until you unpack those bags and throw them away, you won't really be able to assess any new guy objectively and clearly. You're still too hung with the guy that doesn't want you for anything but sex.
And don't forget that this is a guy that rushes you out of his house at night in case he has to show you to his friends.... nice. I'd feel special if that happened to me too! But hey! If you're happy with that, that's great. But having sex with this guy is not, and will NOT, make him ever want a relationship with you. So make the move. Dump him. Get your stuff together. Take some time out on your own to get your head together. And then, one day, when you feel up to it start dating again.
I never said that I was giving up on dating men, or that it was a waste of time, just because I went on one date with a guy and didn't feel anything. I said I've never stopped looking just because I'm having sex with M. I
And I took off from his house before his friend came over on my own. 1) I was tired and he and his friends are hard partiers - didn't want to hang around while they played loud music and drank. 2) I live with my grandmother and she wants me to be home before she gets up in the morning. Granted I never asked him if he wanted me to stay, nor did he ask me to. I just thought that was the way things were/are between us.
OK, I got a couple of things a bit wrong. I'm sorry.
So what do YOU think that you will do at this stage?
Right now I'm just going to take things as they happen.
When I was a teen I often wondered what it would be like to be with him - and I guess I never let go of that fantasy. (Heck, even had the names of our kids picked out!!)
My aunt always said to believe in fate. If it was meant to be, it would happen. If you had to work harder than normal for something, it wasn't meant to be.
But I do not believe in the 'if you love something, set it free...' crap. I'm going to hold on to his body for as long as fate allows!!! LOL
Leaving it all in the hands of fate and the power of angels.
You say he didn't ask you to leave.......you left on your own because his friends are hard partiers, and your grandmother likes you to be home before she wakes up?
Not exactly.....and you didn't originally say that was why you left....this is what you said: "Afterwards, he was expecting a friend to come over, so I quickly got dressed and ready to leave - knowing how paranoid he is about people finding out about us."
Paranoid? Even "friends" don't get paranoid about someone finding out about the arrangement.
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