acts as if he's a virgin

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
acts as if he's a virgin
9
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:22am
i dont understand, my hubby is 49 yrs old..is taller then i, however during sex he cowers down shoulder level..also when he is on top, he cowers down into my shoulder...i dont under stand what this about. he did it when we first had sex and i just thaught he was shy..the other thing is he always asked what do u want? well damn if i gotta tell him all the time, its a turn off...help
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:37am
Have you talked to him about it?

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:49am

Maybe he IS shy during sex. It is the most naked and vunerable we are with another human being. Maybe he needs to concentrate so he hides his eyes from yours. Who knows? You need to talk with him about whatever bothers you, in bed or out.

And frankly, a man who asks what you want is FAR preferable to one who just assumes or believes he knows everything that a woman could possibly want from previous experiences. He's trying and that's the point. Next time, take his hand, head, penis and SHOW him what to do with it. No words necessary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:51am
ty for ur reply..yes i have discussed this with him. i love to experiment with sex, new positions, toys etc.. but am afriad to try these things on him cuz he acts so innocent in the bedroom..was told to take it slow with him by a diff. advice collum..omg its been 5 yrs. how long could this take..i dont understand if he has some hidden shame or what. he isnt adventerious sexually or even intimate, which i have learned to accept, i need help loosening him up..cuz thinking about a toy boy more often
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:56am
ty for ur reply..i am very open with him..he just asys thats the way i am..and yes i am very happy i have man who wants to satisfy me in bed by asking, but would b nice sometimes if he would just start out knowing what i do like and set the mood
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:07am

All you can do is tell him to take the initiative more often and hopefully, he will.

My DH, who is 6'2 standing, always lays lower than me in bed as well. I asked why and he said that he likes being at breast level. Maybe that's what your DH is doing during intercourse.

Or he just needs to concentrate to orgasm.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:14am
ty..our anniversary is coming up the 29th..i want a wild crazy night of passionate sex..what do u suggest? i dont want to turn him off, since he acts as if he hasnt explored the wild side.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:25am

I think you have to tell him what you're hoping for and spell it out. You want to be swept away and taken. But men don't typically get subtlety or vague suggestions. They need details to understand what you mean. IF you're hoping to go to a hotel and do some crazy things, then tell him what kind of crazy things you're thinking of.

What has worked for me in the past, is to bring up things I've read about in bed with my DH. That way, he knows that I'm interested but I can gauge how interested HE might be.

You might consider taking a trip to the local bookstore and buying an erotic book with ideas that interest you and read some sections to your DH and see how he responds. At least, he'll know that YOU find certain things enticing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 12:26pm

I don't even understand what the problem is.....he likes to "cuddle" into your shoulder.....(I don't see it as "cowering")....what's so terrible about that? I don't get what you think is "virginal" about that. Maybe it's just his favorite way of getting comfortable.

As for his asking you......as Katmandoo said, would you rather have a hot shot that thinks he knows it all, and hasn't got a clue? If you don't want to have to tell him, why not just say "surprise me"?

It's very possible that he hasn't "explored" the wild side of sex....so why don't YOU take charge, and SHOW him? Rent a soft porn....light some candles....do what YOU want to do, and see what happens.

There are two of you in this relationship.....and if he's too "shy" to try new things, then start talking, and start suggesting. It's called communication. 49 is a bit too old to be "shy"......maybe it's more insecurity. Work with the guy.....and forget the boy toys.....work on what you have, don't set out to destroy it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 12:45pm
ty much. every1 has been a big help. :)