Advice Needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Advice Needed
26
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 6:22am

I met this great guy who is so easy to talk to and whom I trust completely. We are friends but we talk about everything including sex. I told DH about him just so DH wouldn't assume the wrong thing. I even told him what this guy and I talk about. DH isn't comfortable completely but he doesn't want to not trust me either.

This guy and I hit it off really well and we are both in a long-term relationship. He has already made an agreement with me that we should never meet and that we are only talking as friends and to learn from one another. I am completely comfortable talking to him but I'm worried that what we talk about may make DH think the wrong thing about this guys and my friendship.

If we are only talking out of innocence and to learn from each other is that a bad thing? Has anyone else gone through something simialar? I don't want to cut ties with this guy and him and I are only friends! I'm not sure what to do...

Advice and tips would be great. Thanks everyone!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: momma_cj18
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 8:52am

Me, personally, I see nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex... Most of my friends are male and we talk about anything and everything. Some in real life and some on-line.

I'm wondering though why you say you've agreed to never meet? Are you afraid it would lead to something? If so, then I don't think it's a good idea to continue talking with him. That's more than friendship. There are many people, male and female, on-line that I would love to meet. Because we are friends, nothing more so nothing would happen.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
In reply to: momma_cj18
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:01am
We are somewhat arracted to each other and are afraid that if we met we wouldn't be able to control ourselves. On the other hand we are both in relationships and both in love with our SO's. I would never hurt my SO and even if I met this gut while married I wouldn't do anything with him. I am to dedicated to my husband. I know he would never put me in a critical position and that's why we've agreed not to meet!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: momma_cj18
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:03am

Maybe you should get "friendly" with your husband, and talk to HIM about sex and other personal things. Reverse the situation. How would YOU feel if your husband told you he and some woman at work are good friends, and talk about everything, including sex?

You're treading on thin ice. The decision to never meet says something....if there wasn't some kind of attraction going on, the question of "meeting" would never come up.

You didn't say where this guy came from, but since you've never met, I'll guess on the internet. If that's the case, then probably this guy is getting his jollies talking to you about sex......you're being used!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: momma_cj18
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:07am

Well then, in my opinion, you are not "just friends". I don't think it's a good idea to continue talking with him.

I have to agree with Sakura... It sounds like he's using you to have his fun. Can you talk to your husband the way you talk to this guy?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
In reply to: momma_cj18
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:15am

Hi!


You need to seriously consider the overall benefit that maintaining this friendship will have on your relationship with your DH... and ultimately your family!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: momma_cj18
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:15am

Hi Erika,

I don't know if you'll like this, but here's how I feel....

Healthy flirting is great. Hearing erotic things that make you think of trying new things with your DH is wonderful. Fantasies are fun. But, if you are forming a relationship with another person, and you feel attracted to that person -- then you are putting yourself and your relationship at risk. Even more so when the nature of your relationship centers around sex.

While you may never meet this guy, how far will the attraction go? What if he encourages you to cyber with him? How would you feel if DH was having a similar relationship with another woman? How would your DH feel if he knew you were attracted to this guy? Most 'mistakes' happen innocently enough, but people who play with fire are bound to get burnt.

For me, I would feel that I was risking too much to have an on-going relationship with someone who put my marriage at risk.

You're the only person that knows your own boundaries, but I do think you should consider your DHs boundaries as well in this area.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
In reply to: momma_cj18
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:27am

I just made a long post in response to your first post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
In reply to: momma_cj18
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:46am
Oh ya..I definately can talk to my husband. I don't sgree with the fact that everyone thinks I'm being used. We talk about other things besides sex and he says we don't even have to talk about that. I have been used in the past more than anyone on here knows and I know what to look for. I'm glad everyone is being protective but I really don't think he would use me. We talk alot in terms of our SO's and we don't make it personal. Like I said before I would never hurt my marriage and he said he would never want to hurt it either. He cares about his SO and is even about to ask her to marry him. Sex isn't all we talk about. I kinda feel like I'm being chewed out! an I think the fact that we agreed not to meet says alot about his standing. He doesn't want to put himself or his relationship in a position that would cause hurt and regret. I think it was brave of him to say what he did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
In reply to: momma_cj18
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:49am
Thanks so much for your advice. I never really looked at it his way. And I kinds feel like it goes for the both of us. Like you said i don't want to think it could hurt my mariiage but I guess it could. Thanks for not being judgemental.I'll look up that book for sure!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
In reply to: momma_cj18
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:52am
I do Misty. Thanks for the advice. Do you think just remaining friends is ok as long as sex talk really isn't invoved. Or what about the topic of sex but not as into it as we have gotten (him and I)? Let me know..thanks!

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