advice needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
advice needed
4
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 9:40am
Well, I am finally ready to have sex for the first time. I wish I had someone to talk about it to though, but I don't so thats why I'm here. I want to know what to expect and how to prepare (I am already on the pill and he has condoms). We are both virgins, so I don't have to worry about his past partners. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 10:32am

Nicole,

Lots of different advice you'll get from this crowd, so congrats on finding this place, great benefit to you in my opinion.

Best advice I personally can think of is that both of you PLEASE keep your expectations DOWN. Do NOT frustrate yourselves and each other by believing that things MUST go perfectly. Remember to enjoy the opportunity to learn more about each other along the way.

Your intimate time together is just that: your intimate time together. Do NOT treat this as a goal or a failure. Use this time to expand the closeness you already have, don't try so hard to push this moment into something perfect. If you have that successful perfect experience, great!, but "hope" for an enjoyable intimate time together that stretches that intimacy you have now...there IS NO fail or success with this.

Here's a few GREAT set of links for you to read too:

http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/men/menu/articles/0,,426372_285758,00.html

http://the-clitoris.com/

http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/0,,zt,00.html

The clitoris website is great for of you to learn more about your body and maybe even what could make you 'tick' even more. Excellent advice for foreplay as well. Also, keep an eye out for the brother website about the penis and his body as well.

There are SO many things the board here could advise you on, too many to list in one reply, honestly. Hopefully you'll remember to ]] to learn more along the way as well as trying to learn what you can before you've even started. Remember, many of us have been married for years and even decades, and I have YET to read anyone egotistical enough to claim that they still aren't enjoying learning new things and experiences. Always an adventure, thats what my wife and I love about it in 'our' marriage anyway.

You will learn for yourself if you will need to adjust some pillows for certain positions, or if you may need help from a purchased lubricant, and things like that. Hope the replies you'll get from here prove very helpful.

:)
:)
:)

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 10:47am

Yes, just relax, and let things happen. Don't set a date or a time, just allow your feelings lead you. It doesn't have to be a stressful situation unless you make it that way. Take lots of time, lots of oral and manual foreplay, make sure you're fully relaxed and aroused, and well lubricated. It's a good idea to have some lubricant on hand, because no matter what, you'll be nervous, and nervousness makes for dryness, which causes pain. If you're taking the pills properly, you don't have to worry about pregnancy, it can't happen.

Make sure both of you know how your body works, and what helps you to become aroused. Don't have high expectations.....particularly the first few times. The earth won't move, it won't be like romance novels......if you do it right, it will be "nice". It takes a lot of time and practice to get it right, to learn each other's "hot spots", and to just relax and allow yourself to enjoy it.

You both need to remember that it's a mutual pleasure, and you both need to talk about it, tell each other what's good and what's NOT good. You don't need to worry about him enjoying it, because he will. YOung women tend to worry about him, whether or not he's happy and/or enjoying it. Trust me, he will be enjoying it. They become aroused, they get an erection, and they ejaculate. It's much more complicated for women.

People have been having sex for millions of years, and they all had their first times, and survived it. You will too.

If he's not aware of how the female body works, have him check out www.the-clitoris.com and you read it with him. There are probably things you need to learn too!

DON'T rush....if it hurts, STOP. You can always try again another time, and that is preferable to being in great pain.....which will just make you that much more nervous the next time. If you want to stop, then make sure he knows it, and he DOES stop. You can always finish him by hand or orally so he won't be left hanging or frustrated.

Don't "plan" anything. Just do what you always do, and when everything is in place, it will happen. Enjoy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 11:01am
I have nothing to add to what Para and Dakine already said.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2005
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 11:35pm
having sex for the first time should be a memorable moment for both parties involved, so be sure you really are ready and relax and be comfortable! Start slow and easy and just explore each others from top to bottom! With your fingers run them thru his hair with your lips tender kisses on his temples to his eyes to the tip of his....... you get the picture?? And he in turn can massage your neck and kiss your breasts and lick allover till neither of you can hold off any longer! Good Luck and Enjoy!!