advice needed from both men and women

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
advice needed from both men and women
11
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 9:27am
First time poster...mostly a lurker. My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We were on vacation and got a little carried away. We went to an adult club together where there were both men and women having a good time. It was a very happening place/lounge....I had wayyyyy too much to drink and I asked the women/dancer hanging around my husband if we could go in a private room (I wanted a cigarette...i don't even smoke...but i was not of a sound mind). Anyway my husband pays the $500 and we enter the room and I throw up...and then I tell the dancer and my husband to please let me lay down. She proceeds to give my husband a lap dance until he comes....he is only allowed to touch and lick her chest. Anyway, afterwards we immediately leave and I am devasted about what happened.....I know i encouraged the entire thing but how could he have an orgasm after his wife just threw up next to him. He said that he had way too much to drink as well and he only did it because i was so insistent on going in a private room. This is so out of character of both of us...but why am I so upset by his actions???? I cannot get it out of my mind. Can guys just turn it on and off with anyone ???? Maybe I am naive, but I just don't understand how he could have come so easily with me drunk as a skunk next to him....any advice welcome.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:07am

Amazing! He's the bad guy because he did what you wanted him to do!

Advice: both of you need to learn to control your drinking!

What happens in Las Vegas, or anywhere else, should stay there. The vacation is over, get on with your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:17am
You are so right....my husband and I both used the same analogy...what happens in vegas stays in vegas. I know it was TOTALLY my fault, but I still feel horrible about the entire situation. I didn't realize that guys could have an orgasm with just about anyone....my husband said it meant nothing and it is just different for guys. We are NOT drinkers....we just a VERY carried away this time. We had WAYYYY too much fun that got out of control and now I feel guilty. thanks for putting it into perspective.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2005
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:28am

Hi,

From a mans POV, too much drink can change the 'trigger action' one way or the other. If the drink made him more likley to blow, then just the feel of a women against him may push him over the edge. The dancer was only doing what she was paid to do, and I guess it would have been really akward to have the 'this is not going to happen, can I have my money back' conversation.

You dont know that he was not thinking about you at the time, what he was thinking, or what was going on in his head. I suggest you were as much to blaim as him, so agree that you should not think about it any more and just move on.

Hope this helps

Jaffa

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:39am

Hi Jaffa,
thanks for your reply....I needed to hear a guys perspective. My husband is a doll who is so good to me. This was just so out of both of our characters. Unfortunately, alcohol can really impair ones judgement. What did I think was going to happen in there???? She tried to get me involved but i was to far gone and just wanted to lay down. I had no interest in touching a stripper anyway. Men are so different from women.

Apparently, he asked for his money back and they told him no. I definitely need to let this go....we have a hotter than hot sex life.....I naively thought he could only come from me;) oh well....wishful thinking. Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 11:12am

I don't understand what you're so upset about.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 11:18am
Thanks Trish!!! great advice....that is exactly what my husband said. "Since I had to pay...one of us was getting off" I need to grow up!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 2:54pm
If you want to feel guilty because you did something that you would not normally do, then so be it. But you certainly are being naive if you don't understand how your husband could have an orgasm given the circumstances. You so much as pulled the trigger yourself by setting up the scenario. Now, had both of you been sober, you would not have been in that room to start with. Had he been sober while you were tossing your cookies, he may not have went through with your plan. You can spend the rest of your life in shock and asking what ifs. If I were in your shoes, I would be thankful that I had such an experience with my best friend, keep it our little secret and make sure I didn't over drink with others.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:02pm

Hi there. I just wanted to give you a big hug after I read your post.I was a bit surprised at some of the response you received. I think you already know that you're just going to have to "deal with it". I don't think that was what you were looking for - I think you wanted someone to tell you that your hubby loves you very much and thinks your gorgeous. YOUR HUBBY LOVES YOU VERY MUCH & THINKS YOUR GORGEOUS!! :) It sounds like the experience scared you a little bit & left you insecure that maybe something has now changed between the two of you. NOTHING HAS CHANGED - YOU'RE STILL IN LOVE & MARRIED! :) I know my hubby & I are 100% commited and in love but if you were to give him some booze and a raunchy stripper - who knows what would happen!?! LOL. Please don't drive yourself crazy with this. Give yourself some time to work things out. Ask your husband to give you some extra love & reasurrances while you do. If he loves you, he won't mind.

Take care,
Michele

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 8:39am
Michelle, you are such a doll!!! That is exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks for making me feel better :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 10:12am
The drunk "you" wanted to be a little naughty, the sober "you" isnt like that. The sober you is reacting to what the drunk you had orchestrated. This is a good lesson learned for people who think they may like to try swinging.The fantacy may look appealing, but the reality of your mate actually having sex with someone else isnt for everyone. At least your hubby didnt have sex, it was just some clothes on grinding. That fact that you were right there, the fact that he was really drunk, is what contributed to what happened. Forget it, it was a drunken fanstcy that you found is not you or your husbands cup of tea. No big deal, no real sex took place.
I do want to mention this (as if you don`t really already know)...Men can come , normally ,really easy, totally different than some women.It isn`t a mental thing, it usually is a physical thing. Many women need the mental side to come. (romance, security,etc)..With men ,orgasm is a result of physical stimulation, period. An orgasm is nothing more than a really pleasurable muscle spasm, cause by stimulation. Not a whole lot different than a doctor hitting your knee with his little hammer. The fact that being with the one you love, makes sex so much better, so there can be a mental aspect to sex for men, but it is not necessary to have an orgasm.

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