Advice please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Advice please!
5
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 2:25am
Well...I have a dilemma. My fiance and I decided to take the big step, and have begun having sex. I was a virgin until now, thus my experience in this area is very very limited. I find that we are having some fairly large issues...and I have some questions that I would adore some help answering. Whenever he and I are engaged in sexual activity, I tend to get extremely "wet". Is this normal? It's made intercorse somewhat of a problem, because with that mixed with...I don't know what else, he tends to slip out a lot. He is convinced it's his own fault because he can't continue with an erection, but I want to make sure there's not something I can be doing better. Another issue is that I really don't feel a whole lot...not when compared to oral or simply hand contact. Forgive me if this is blunt, but I'm not too sure where else to turn and I would really like some advice. Thank you so much!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 2:51am
Do you mean that you get very wet, have intercourse for a few minutes and then he gets looses his erection and slips out? You find that you are even 'wetter' and that it is a stickier and thicker consistency, milky in colour?

If so, he is having his orgasm only moments after penetrating you and ejeculating. A man usually looses his erection after ejeculating and will take anywhere from a few minutes to hours before he can get another one. The semen is about 1-2 tsp. of (usually) thick whitish fluid. Once it is mixed in with your own natural lubricant I can imagine that you have quite the wet, sticky mess going on! :-)

If he is NOT ejeculating then you may just be naturally secreting a lot of lubricant. I doubt that this is the reason that he looses his erection. In your situation it is much more likely that he is nervous and finds it difficult to maintain an erection because of that.

I think that you should probably do a bit more research about your bodies before getting worried about anything. See http://www.the-clitoris.com/

for some good information about the female body. See http://www.the-penis.com/ for some good but slightly biased information about the penis. You could even try http://www.goaskalice.com/ for some more general information.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 3:01am

It sounds to me as though your sex life is quite normal for this early stage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 5:13am
Welcome to the world of first time sex, lunar! ;D

My own experience, I too had erection problems from time to time as well. It does happen every once in a while for many different reasons. Not feeling a whole lot usually goes away with more experience. I don't know how experienced your future hubby is, but you're simply not going to feel a whole lot "in there" without him being erect anyway. Being wet is what you WANT down there. If you're not wet or lubricated enough, you'll experience more irritation than pleasure.

Hope the replies are helping you. When you have more questions, we're here. Congrats on the engagement! :)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 9:40am
From what you describe, YOU don't have any problems. For a beginner to get very lubricated, that's great, most are too nervous, and too dry. As for the feelings, as Yasmin said, that's because there are very few nerve endings in the vagina, only at the opening, and the "g" spot. Your clitoris is your real sexual organ, NOT your vagina.

As for HIS problem, was he also a "virgin"? He could be losing his erection quickly because he's finishing quickly, as Westridge said, (although he SHOULD know that, because even if he's never had intercourse, he's masturbated, and he should know what his climax feels like.) particularly if you feel there's something "else" there besides your own lubrication. Which of course brings me to the birth control question, and the safe sex question (if he was NOT a virgin prior to you). Hopefully you ARE on some form of birth control, right?

It's also possible that he's just nervous, and it's not unusual for men to lose erections in the beginning of a relationship just because of nervousness. The slipping out problem is just a matter of finding a position, and a rhythm that's comfortable, and doable.

Relax, and just learn together. I have news for you....even experienced people have problems on occasion, AND no matter how experienced you are, every new partner is starting all over again...learning what THEY like, what they want, etc.

Check out the websites that westridge offered, you should BOTH read them, preferably together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 6:07pm
>>He could be losing his erection quickly because he's finishing quickly, as Westridge said, (although he SHOULD know that, because even if he's never had intercourse, he's masturbated, and he should know what his climax feels like.)<<

I was wondering if he's a bit embarrassed to be finishing so quickly and isn't being entirely 'honest' about his reasons for loosing his erection. He might prefer to pretend that he just can't finish rather than admit that he is cumming too quickly.