advice on porn

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2005
advice on porn
6
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 11:44pm

I have been craving a way to hold on to my husbands attention I think this may be the way. here is the problem;

I cant even watch kissing scenes in movies with out blushing or turning away vs my husband who is a season pro. (gets together with the guys to watch porn look in mag. or go to strip clubs)

I have only been with my husband and still after 4 years find the male body to be quite odd looking. I have tried thinking small (the love scene in the movie troy because it doesnt show body parts) even though I was alone I still couldnt watch it. Im worried if I talk with my husband about it then he goes for he puts in a movie it would ruin it if I cant force myself to watch it.

do you have any advise or do you think I should try something else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: afullheart
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 12:44am

I'm confused about what you want. You want to hold your husband's attention by looking at porn with him? Does he ignore you to look at porn?

After being married for 4 years, why would watching a simple love scene in a non-porn movie bother you so much? Are you this "shy" or "squeamish" about actual sex with your husband?

I think maybe you're too uptight about sex in general, and I wonder why? Were you abused in your childhood? Did your family or your religion teach you that sex is dirty, nasty, and immoral? If you're not enthusiastic about having sex with your husband, he's turning to porn to fulfill his needs.

Maybe you should think about some marital counselling to find out what's wrong with both of you sexually. Watching porn isn't going to fix anything.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: afullheart
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 2:38am

People have different sensibilities when it comes to porn and all kinds of things and one way of thinking isn't better than the other. Why do you feel that you must enjoy something just because your DH does?

IF your DH isn't giving you the attention or affection that you need, then ask for it. Just trying to force yourself to like something you don't isn't the answer to your problems though.

But if there are problems in your past, as GTB mentioned, then I would agree and suggest counseling as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2005
In reply to: afullheart
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 12:40am

I would say our sex life is fine, but I have a hard time getting attention outside of the bed room. My husband is always with friends and their going out involves porn and strip clubs (where my husband is now). It isnt his fault but he is the only married one and I cant make him chose between me and his friends that is not me.

My grand parents raised me for the most part which explains the odd way I have addapted to modern movies. You dont see sany sex scenes in pillow talk, buttons in bows, and sabrina. children are sort of an after equation. prior to marriage I knew of sex but wasnt exactly sure how it worked.

I guess I though if I I could do something with my husband which he enjoys that I would enjoy the time spent with him. As of right now we dont do anything just the two of us.
if we do go out it is with the children to the park. I tried to arrange a romantic evening (using tips I got on line. My husband, brother in law, his friend and I ate supper and I had arranged a nice supper with a rented movie to follow nothing special just a new release from block buster. Last min plans changed that bowling with some friends to meet up at the strip club later.in which wasnt invited because I couldnt go if I had wanted to.

I know that there is something I could do I just cant figure out what it is, I thought That may be it but I realize now I was wrong. Thats so much for the input:)

Ill be certian to ask about my next (hopefully better) idea

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: afullheart
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 2:40pm

Honey, we've only gotten your side of the story here but based on yours, it sound like your DH's priorities are skewed. Why did he marry you if he doesn't want to spend any time with you outside the bedroom? Do you two have anything in common or does he just want to spend his free time looking at porn and frequenting strip clubs?

He's a married man now and if all his friends are looking to hook up with women at night, then he really should be home with his wife and leave them to it!

IF you don't ask for what you want and expect to get your needs met, then you won't. THAT much I have learned after eons of being married. Men aren't mind readers and without spelling out your expectations and needs, they will assume that you are happy with the way things are. TALK to him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: afullheart
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 11:20pm

>>I guess I though if I I could do something with my husband which he enjoys that I would enjoy the time spent with him. As of right now we dont do anything just the two of us.<<

Well, what did the two of you do when you were dating? You must have had something in common with your husband before you married him? Surely the two of you did things together then? Why can't you get a baby sitter (or use those grandparents of yours) and the two of you go out for dinner and a movie or a show or something?

>>Last min plans changed that bowling with some friends to meet up at the strip club later.in which wasnt invited because I couldnt go if I had wanted to.<<

Plans often change. That's OK. So you went bowling with everyone and then went home while your husband went to a strip club because he hadn't invited you along? Is that what happened? Heck, why can't you go to that strip club if you want to? I think that your husband needs to look at his priorities and re-examine what he's doing with you. Likewise, you with him.

He should examine the activities that he does. He's married, all his friends are single. That's probably why he doesn't invite you. It is not a GOOD reason though. If I were you I would want to be invited along on some nights if I wanted to.

Maybe he desn't realise that you are unhappy with the current situation? Talk to him. Tell him that you'd like to spend more time with him. Tell him that you'd like to go out with him some nights. Just because he visits strip clubs doesn't necessarily mean that you have to watch porn movies to get his attention. I think that a good starting place would be to get invited along on some nights out or to plan some nights for just the two of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: afullheart
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 12:08am

I think greenteabag and westridge raised some good points to keep in mind.

Hate to see that he is mostly interested when it involves sex, but by what I've read so far, my question it how much talking have you really done with him? How much does he really know about how you feel about all of this?

No excuse on his part for being with you for only sex much of those times, but are you certain that he actually understands how you feel about this?

 

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