Advise on threesome???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
Advise on threesome???
20
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 10:25pm

My DH has hinted at wanting a threesome here and there for a while, and said he'd like to do it with either another women or man, that eached seemed exciting to him. One evening a while back, at a dinner party at our house, one of his coworkers who he is fairly good friends with brought it up after several cocktails. He had been looking at me all evening, and later my DH said that he brought up at work all the time how attractive he thought I was. This man is recently divorced. My DH mentioned that evening he would like to try a threesome sometime with him, as it would turn him on knowing another guy wanted me so much. I shot down the idea, and it was dropped. Over the next few weeks it was inserted into discussions more and more. After tons of thought I agreed to consider it if he would take everything that it implicated into account. I am very attracted to my husband, but one might say I was the greater catch coming into the relationship. I dont want to be shallow, but I did quite a bit of modeling and played volleyball in college, and have probably taken better care of my body then my DH. Anyways.. I said I would consider it if it was understood that there would be no intercourse, just sort of a show I guess for my husbands co worker, and MAYBE some touching. I assumed this was my husbands biggest turn on. It was arranged that I would go with them on a business trip, and if everyone was in the mood, we would possibly do it one evening in the hotel. Well, this evening came one night after a long dinner at a great restaurant. My DH had a few drinks, and was really just in the mood to have sex with me I think, but his co worker convinced him to set it up, and he did. We decided the least awkward way to start would be to all hop in the shower together and just go from there. My DH began kissing me, and thats when it immediately became weird. I know I should have anticipated this, but it was what it was! DH's co worker was standing behind me, and I glanced back to see he had a major erection going. He was big! Maybe twice the size of my DH, no joke. He started running his penis up my thigh as my DH was kissing me. I really just wanted to stop, but decided to just let it play out. After a few minutes of my DH rubbing me all over, and Tim( co worker, I guess Ill use his name) masterbating behind me, my husband said he wanted to put it inside me. I was feeling very nervous at this point, but I said ok. After just a few thrusts, he asked me to go down on him. This was the point when Tim asked if he could "f**k me from behind". I said no. After a few seconds going down on my DH, I felt his hand on my vagina, and before I knew it, he slammed his penis inside of me. I was angry at first, but realized I had agreed to this, and it had become clear he was content on having sex with me. I didnt blame him. He was naked in a shower with a naked women. My husband noticed it and began masterbating. After a few minutes Tim instructed we leave the shower, and moved me towards the sink countertop. He began to pound me very hard at this point. I looked at my husband and asked if he wanted it to stop, and he shook his head no. I assumed Tim would come soon, but he didnt. He began to go harder and faster and I could tell my husband was loosing interest. At one point, and I know this is horrible, he pulled both my legs up straight out from my body, and thrusted so hard the mirror was knocked sideways on the wall. After atleast 20 minutes he came inside of me, and then sort of stumbled out of the bathroom. My husband didnt say anything except lets go to bed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 9:50am
Why do you find the concept of limits so hard to understand? Doesn't your partner have limits in his/her sex life with you? Does the woman swallow after the man comes in her mouth? Is he permitted to come on her face? Is anal sex acceptable? Do you have i/c during that time of the month? Is he permitted to spank her during sex? How hard? Why does it then seem so strange that there would also be limits with a threesome partner, and that those limits might be different than the limits with the primary partner?

It's pretty clear that what happened here was a breakdown in communication somewhere along the way. Either the OP wasn't clear in communicating her limits to her DH, or her DH wasn't clear in communicating them to the co-worker — or worse, that her DH and his co-worker simply decided to ignore her limits. Regardless, debating whether or not what took place constitutes rape isn't going to do anything to help the OP deal with the aftermath of what was undoubtedly a traumatic situation for her. How about if we show her a little compassion while she tries to pick up the pieces?






iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 11:52am

Thanks for responding, and I can definitely see your points.


However, I still fail to see the purpose.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 12:04pm
I could see your point if it had been the OP who changed her mind in the midst of the threesome and wanted to go further, but it wasn't. She went to the amusement park with the express desire to only ride the kiddie rides (soft swing, with the co-worker only watching and MAYBE some touching), and was dragged onto the Batman Cave against her express wishes when the co-worker penetrated her after she said "no".

I do think the OP would have been better off, and likely had a more pleasant experience, if she and her DH had discussed all of this before actually having the threesome, and if they had both discussed it with the co-worker, including how to handle things if one of them got caught up in the moment and wanted to take things further than what they'd discussed. Regardless, things didn't go down that way, and this side discussion about what "the point" of a threesome is, still isn't doing anything to help her deal with the aftermath of her situation.










Edited 10/28/2007 12:07 pm ET by bostonsteve
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 12:10pm

I'm not sure that I would constitute this as rape.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 12:23pm

Oh, I am in no way condoning what happened, and I wasn't actually speaking towards the OP's situation, more of a "general" pondering.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 8:52pm

Hi everyone,


Please remember that when you are participating in a discussion the OP is a real person, with thoughts, feelings and circumstances of their own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 10:11am
I would love to hear from the OP and have her thoughts on what happened and what has been bought up here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 3:09pm
Sorry I havent checked back sooner! After reading my post over again, and the responses, I realized I may have portrayed a false mood to the setting and some wrong impressions. During our talks about a threesome prior to the event, my husband has asked if I would be ok with intercourse, and I said I wouldnt feel comfortable with it because he would be watching it. He indicated he wouldn't have a problem with it, but we still went in with that ground rule. As things escalated quickly in the shower, both of them basically became dramatically aroused very quickly. And I guess I was very aware of this, and when Tim began to touch me and make it clear he wanted to penetrate me, I made the conscious decision to allow it as it had been me that was weiry of my husbands feelings, not him, and he was very aroused by everything that was occuring. I also experienced a high level of pleasure
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 3:58pm

So Jess, have you and your hubby talked about this since it happened? Are you guessing at what your DH might be feeling, or has he actually explained what he felt was a violation?

Also, now that you've had time to reflect on the situation, how are you feeling about it? Is it something that you think you would want to try again, perhaps with different ground rules?



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 10:23am

Well, if it were me, id certainly feel weaker towards my husband!


He put you in a vulnerable and compromising position selfishly for his own satisfaction.

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