afraid of anal

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2006
afraid of anal
8
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 2:12pm
My boyfriend wants to try anal sex and we attempted to but it hurt me extremely bad. We use plenty of lube and he went slow but I cried out of pain. I want to see what it's like but I am afraid to go through with it again for fear of pain and due to a past experience as well (when I was a child, I was misdiagnosed with having colon cancer and I was subjected to having a rectal microscopy some of my visits). Anyone have any suggestions on how to make this less painful for me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 2:40pm
I would suggest that you take things very slowly. Work your way up to him using his penis to penatrate. In order for anal sex to be enjoyable you have to feel 100% comfortable and relaxed. Let him start with his fingers and move on to small, slender vibrators, etc. This will take more than one night. It may take several sessions before you are ready to even ATTEMPT penatration with his penis. Remember, no matter what he uses that lubracation is a must!!! Plenty of it. I would reccommend a silicone based lube, as it will not dry out like the water based type. Also, make sure that he knows when you say "stop" you mean STOP. You have to trust him 100% to let you be in charge in this matter. Hope this helps and good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 2:41pm

If it is something you really want to do, you should start off with anal play with fingers, work up to toys before actual penis penetration.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 2:41pm

Well, your first question should be do YOU want to try it? And if you don't, then don't feel obligated to try it.

But your fears are justified, aren't they? No one wants to experience pain. But if you've tried and been very careful to take insertion slowly, and you still experienced pain, then you may not be able to relax enough to allow comfortable, much less pleasurable penetration.

And it sounds like you may have some subconscious reactions from your past that are complicating the problem.

I would suggest starting with manual stimulation only and moving slowly again to attempt penetration. IF you aren't fully aroused before this happens, then plenty of oral or manual stimulation needs to take place before he ever gets to that point.

But YOU should be in charge and he should know that when you say stop, he must stop. However, don't feel that you must do this for him if it is painful and traumatizing for you. There's no rule that says that we must do all things for our partner regardless of our own desires or feelings. Sex should always be mutually pleasurable.




Edited 2/21/2006 2:42 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 2:53pm

Here are some links that might help you. I would especially recommend the first 2 links, 2 of the most respected books on the subject.

Good luck,

E :)

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1573440280/103-7285378-0283017?v=glance&n=283155

Anal Pleasure & Health
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0940208202/ref=nosim/103-7285378-0283017?n=283155

10 Rules of Anal Sex
http://www.sexuality.org/authors/morin/analrule.html

Jack Morin Transcript
http://www.sexuality.org/morin98.html

Tristan Taormino
http://www.puckerup.com/

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 6:49pm
Like everyone had mentioned you need to start small. Fingers first. When my man and I first tried anal, we used tons of lube (a must!!)and we used "doggy style" position. I was able to kind of press into him and control the speed etc. Now I love it. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 5:06pm

Why do you like anal sex and how is it different from vaginal intercourse -what sensations do you get out of it? If you do it?
Why and what does

JudithS

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 5:16pm

I'll be happy to share my experience when I have

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 5:43pm

why do you like it and why does he want to do it?

JudithS