Afraid to have sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Afraid to have sex
3
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 3:24am
I am a 35 yr old woman and have never had intercourse. I have done everything else but that. I have found the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with and he feels the same way. Here's the problem, he wants to have intercourse and I am very afraid that it will hurt. Every time I tried with past boyfriends I tensed up. My body is telling me to have intercourse but am afraid that I will tense up again. Can anyone help me please?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 8:27am
If you're afraid you will tense up and you have

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 10:45am

For most women, the pain with initial intercourse is associated with the tearing of the hymen. Pain can be caused by other things for sure--inadequate lubrication and stimulation, for example. If you are tense and really fearing the event, you probably have a bit of this going on, too. Pain from pressure placed on the hymen will only reinforce your concerns over how much it is going to hurt (causing you to tense up and dry up even more).

Some women want and welcome experiencing the pain associated with loosing their virginity. I assume from your post that you are not one of these women. If that is the case, go see your OB-GYN and have him/her surgically cut your hymen (assuming yours is still intact). Most doctors can do this as an in-office procedure. This should eliminate the major source of pain.

Then, go to a drug store and buy a good lubricant. I suggest Astroglide. Apply it liberally to his penis and to the opening of your vagina.

Then, have him lay on his back and you sit on him. In this position, you will have total control over how much pressure is applied. You can change positions, but start this way.

Then, relax and have fun!

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 11:06am

If you enjoy one orgasm, during foreplay, before attempting penetration, than it's much less likely that you will experience any discomfort. You will be more relaxed and physically receptive.

Some women experience pain with stretching the hymen and some don't. And not all women even have a hymen, so you may be worrying for nothing.