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| Thu, 06-09-2005 - 5:08pm |
Hey, I’m an American male (32) writing from a distant Middle Eastern country. I am Engineer and settled here for long. I got my own civil consultancy firm. For 5 years married to a 27 year old gorgeous girl also from the States. We have no kids.
Even though married, I had been a bisexual with a black American boyfriend of 26 years of age. Since our marriage was based on quick love at first sight, my wife gave me full permission to go ahead with my already existing gay relationship with him but she would not participate. There are absolutely no complaints from her about my seeing him.
Everything is ok except sex. I suffer from two nasty problems: one is the smallness of my sex organ which is unbelievably small. Now you guys say size doesn’t matter. Well the second is more deadly and is called Premature Ejaculation. This is of severe or acute type. I get extremely hot on sex but my erection just cannot last more than a few seconds. We have been to many big doctors here but unfortunately they have (I don’t know how) diagnosed it as one in a million cases and so no cure. Even if the cure may be available, it is surely not available in this country, as such things are not encouraged here. And I cannot leave this country for a long time to come because of the projects in hand. Due to this, my wife and I have never been able to have intercourse in its true sense. I might safely say she is practically a Virgin ! Even though she has not expressed it, I cannot remain silent after seeing her craving for human sex and it makes me all the more guilty as I am not in a position to satisfy her. So after going through a long mental battle, I have finally decided to ask my boyfriend who is endowed with a massive manhood to please give my wife the sexual gratification, but only physical, without getting involved emotionally. After all, what are friends for ?
Now as I trust him to the core and taking all the responsibility, I want to know will a gay guy ever be able to perform sex with a female?. As I am not able to actually participate as in 3-somes, can I be watching them do it ? I do have fantasies about him and her getting together and me doing the “clean-up” or “eating the creampie” after they are done. Is it a normal feeling or lustful? My sincere intention is to see her happy the way any other woman should be, complete. But I would surely love to taste the cocktail (no pun!).
My second question is how do I get in touch with the members here, is there a list of members with their emails etc ? Or is it only by responding to the messages here ? Keep it up, this site is soooo good and gives us all the info which we may never get anywhere else. Thanks.

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Hi Manlesspaul, welcome to the board.
I'm confused. You say that you have been diagnosed with an acute case of premature ejaculation with no cure, but have you been offered ANY type of therapy or counseling to deal with the problem? I find it very difficult to believe that no professional has been able to offer some kind of hope for your situation.
And have you discussed this proposed sexual arrangement with your wife and your BF? Unless they're agreeable to it, I can't see that it makes much sense. And truthfully, it sounds as if you are looking to fulfill a voyeuristic fantasy more than care for the sexual needs of your wife. Besides, SHE needs to be the one to decide how and with whom that will be resolved. After all, she married YOU, not your BF!
But I can assure you that while intercourse is a wonderfully intimate, fulfilling and pleasurable experience for women, we can also get GREAT pleasure from oral and manual stimulation. With THAT stimulation and a great dildo type vibrator, you should be able to fulfill any and all your wife's sexual needs at will, until you are back in the States and more help is available for your problem.
But until you discuss this idea and all the options with your wife and unless your BF is able to perform with a woman, it's really a moot point anyway.
Glad you posted.
Edited 6/9/2005 5:45 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
wow... this is different!
Solution #1: Buy a strap on, wear it and make love to your wife!
Solution #2: Let your wife to get intamite w/ other men.... have her get a BF of her OWN...
I don't think your wife wants to sleep w/ a gay man. I don't htink your bf would enjoy it very much either.
Let us know how it goes!
I also think this is something you should talk to you wife about.
Hmmmm...
I can see some problems with this whole thing and can see it just ending up in a big mess.
First of all, I doubt that your gay b/f will feel comfortable having sex with your wife. There are a whole bunch of reasons, not the least of which is that he is gay and you're asking him to act like a heterosexual.
Secondly, your wife should be well and truely consulted and kept in the loop about this. Ask her what SHE wants. This isn't about what YOU want. You're already getting what you want. Whatever happens has to be about what SHE wants. It may be entirely possible that she would hate the idea of having a gay man trying to have sex with her; especially as she has already shown that she has no desire to participate. Alternatively it's entirely possible that she might want something unexpected - like finding another lover for herself to take care of her needs, just as you have done. Then again, oral sex and a vibrator might be sufficient for her.
Thirdly, I find it difficult to believe that there is no cure for your premature ejeculation. I really think that you should do some more research.
There is something about your post which causes warning flags to pop up inside my head; it is vaguely reminiscent of the so-called "Nigerian scam" even though you have not proposed splitting "25 millions of your US dollars" with anyone.
Sorry, perhaps I am wrong.
Call me a skeptic, but I'm not buying this story either. First of all, if you're an American, your use of the American language is strange. Secondly, the Middle Eastern Doctors are all in agreement that you're one in a million? There's no cure? Since you've contacted this message board, you obviously have a computer and have you used your computer to do a search on PE? I found 15000+ pages of information about PE....you might want to share it with these "big" doctors. You might also want to do some checking for yourself. Here's a good example: http://www.malehealthcenter.com/premejac.html
As another poster mentioned, a small penis can be just as satisfying as a large one if the man who uses it knows HOW to use it, and all the other tools he has to give a woman pleasure.
I also think that if there's any truth to this story, you mentioned NOTHING about your wife complaining about the situation, but you did say that she chooses not to "participate". Meaning she's NOT interested in your bisexual activity, and it's very doubtful if she's interested in your lover.
I think that as one of the other posters mentioned, this is all about your own voyeuristic fantasies.....and I doubt very much if your wife will want to fulfill them.
You need to decide whether you're straight, or homosexual, and follow that path.....and leave your wife out of it, unless SHE asks to participate.
I am glad many responded to my posting. All the comments are interesting. But when I say there is no cure for my problem, it means that it is not available in this country which adopts very conservative policies in the sex matters. I am not very sure about the other parts of the Middle East though. It may be available everywhere else, but not here. I have certainly admitted I have to come to the US for a comprehensive check up and treatment of my problem.
That is why when someone suggests me the Toys, I know a lot can be done with the help of toys, dildos and what not, but only if they are available here ! In the same line, there are no sex shops, no sex therapists like enlargement clinics etc., no sexy magazines, no sex books available here. Not even any website having the word “sex”. They are blocked! Surprised? But I am more surprised at the little or no knowledge of outside world that my compatriots back home have. So, while I do my homework and research on PE I would suggest you do your research in the lifestyles and laws of different peoples around the world.
Further , I want to stress that I have just decided to talk with my BF, I have not done that yet. Obviously prior to any possible action, I do have to discuss it with my wife. It goes without saying, hence I omitted it in my posting, sorry. But, as kat suspected, yes, one of my intentions IS to fulfill my voyeuristic urges, I don’t deny it. I have even hinted at it in my letter. But please understand my wife’s fulfillment comes before my pleasure, if all it does take place.
Thanks for your suggestion for me to get herself a BF of her own, but again no, it is not her character that she would go out looking out for sex partner. If so, she would have done it long back. However, I am surely quite open to this idea, as long as we will not end up with a marital problem for both of us. Haven’t I mentioned it ? In the contrary scenario, my BF is the best bet as he is a known devil. But from what I read in your replies, this is not a right solution, since he is a gay. So I have to leave this matter unresolved for the time being.
I cannot attempt doing any oral or manual stimulation because for me, it is same as attempting to have sex with her, and my problem is the same as explained. i.e., premature ejaculation and thus losing further interest in continuing with the sex of any type. Can any male continue having sex or foreplay in earnest even after ejaculation ? I wonder.
Jackson has gone one step ahead by blacklisting me as similar to Nigerian scammers. Yes I do understand that the moment the Americans back home hear the name Middle East, well, we whoever live in the ME are looked down upon with suspicion. Then, he says “Sorry, perhaps I am wrong”. Yes, you are wrong to compare someone with a genuine problem to a Nigerian Scammer. But again, you are not the only one.
Further, I don’t understand what is so funny or strange about my language ? If you are talking about American way of writing in slang, well, being in this country for sooooo very long, I have surely acquired the accent and more than anything, the lifestyle of the cosmopolitan crowd in this beautiful country. People from all over the world, specially the Asian countries live in harmony here. And thanks to them , I have learnt a great deal about their culture and lifestyle and have kinda adapted to many ways of theirs too. One of them being, cleaning ass with water instead of using toilet papers as, they say, toilet papers are messy and less hygienic in hot countries like these. Well I too find it is true. This is again open for debate! “Water vs Toilet Papers”
Its very interesting that greenteabag is offering me the websites to browse and do research. But what will I do with the information I might get from the website ?
Well when I am proud to know how to use my small penis, I have to admit I just don’t know how to control my early ejaculation problem. I don’t understand what has my complaint about the size and PE got to do with my sexual orientation, i.e, to “make sure if I am straight or homosexual ?” Instead , can’t I be a Bisexual?
Finally a word of thanks to Tish and westridge for their beautiful and to-the-point replies without trying to make mockery of my situation.
Manlesspaul, I said nothing to mock your situation and welcomed you to the board. However, I DID offer an honest opinion based on the information you provided.
But it's obvious that you are still looking for a way to turn your PE into an opportunity to realize your own fantasy of seeing your wife with another man, rather than try and provide her with the pleasure that you are quite capable of giving.
Providing oral and manual stimulation ARE very arousing visually for most men and ARE continued, regardless of ejaculation, by loving and compassionate lovers. If this is truly concern for HER pleasure then it only depends on your willingness to do what's necessary for your wife's benefit. My DH provides me with wonderful, selfless sessions of pleasure all the time, as I do for him.
Also, if you have friends and family in the US, then why can't you ask them to mail you the materials needed to order sex toys, medication, and anything else that is prohibited in that country? You are in Saudi Arabia, or some other middle eastern country, after all, not on another planet.
What about American military bases that provide medical care from American doctors?
But if you are looking for excuses and reasons not to take care of your wife's needs, then yes, you'll surely find them.
Edited 6/21/2005 7:00 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
>>Can any male continue having sex or foreplay in earnest even after ejaculation ? I wonder.<<
I'm quite sure that it is possible to complete oral sex to the point of her orgasm even if you ejeculate and orgasm before she does. The simple way of discovering whether this is true or not, is to do it. And do it with the serious intention of bringing her to orgasm. I think that this question and your doubts are all in your head. If you really want to do this, you can.
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