After all what are friends for ??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
After all what are friends for ??
23
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 5:08pm

Hey, I’m an American male (32) writing from a distant Middle Eastern country. I am Engineer and settled here for long. I got my own civil consultancy firm. For 5 years married to a 27 year old gorgeous girl also from the States. We have no kids.

Even though married, I had been a bisexual with a black American boyfriend of 26 years of age. Since our marriage was based on quick love at first sight, my wife gave me full permission to go ahead with my already existing gay relationship with him but she would not participate. There are absolutely no complaints from her about my seeing him.

Everything is ok except sex. I suffer from two nasty problems: one is the smallness of my sex organ which is unbelievably small. Now you guys say size doesn’t matter. Well the second is more deadly and is called Premature Ejaculation. This is of severe or acute type. I get extremely hot on sex but my erection just cannot last more than a few seconds. We have been to many big doctors here but unfortunately they have (I don’t know how) diagnosed it as one in a million cases and so no cure. Even if the cure may be available, it is surely not available in this country, as such things are not encouraged here. And I cannot leave this country for a long time to come because of the projects in hand. Due to this, my wife and I have never been able to have intercourse in its true sense. I might safely say she is practically a Virgin ! Even though she has not expressed it, I cannot remain silent after seeing her craving for human sex and it makes me all the more guilty as I am not in a position to satisfy her. So after going through a long mental battle, I have finally decided to ask my boyfriend who is endowed with a massive manhood to please give my wife the sexual gratification, but only physical, without getting involved emotionally. After all, what are friends for ?

Now as I trust him to the core and taking all the responsibility, I want to know will a gay guy ever be able to perform sex with a female?. As I am not able to actually participate as in 3-somes, can I be watching them do it ? I do have fantasies about him and her getting together and me doing the “clean-up” or “eating the creampie” after they are done. Is it a normal feeling or lustful? My sincere intention is to see her happy the way any other woman should be, complete. But I would surely love to taste the cocktail (no pun!).

My second question is how do I get in touch with the members here, is there a list of members with their emails etc ? Or is it only by responding to the messages here ? Keep it up, this site is soooo good and gives us all the info which we may never get anywhere else. Thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 8:37pm

Cucumber anyone?

Oh, Paul. You do your reading. You know that I'm an aspiring writer. Even I have crappy ass grammar. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I've also got pregnancy-induced Carpal Tunnel (which goes away after the baby). And, I know that there are some on this board who write in a manner that is hard to decipher. We've had this whole discussion on bad grammar and spelling and how America's schools are lacking in teaching children the 3 R's the right way..I'm talking Reading, Writing, and Math (the other way sounds funny)..Now its Rap, Rap, Rap..Talk like 50 Cent, sing like Chingy. Forget a period here, misplace a comma there. We all do it. I try to proof read before I post. I'm anal like that. We're not all perfect..I can't make homemade pudding.
As for the size thing..I dated a man with a small penis. Erect he "stood" at roughly 3" (that's a rough estimate). We TRIED sex, but nothing was happening, nothing got broke. And it was all about HIM. That's what makes sex suck, no matter what size. If you're in it for you, you won't make her smile. Try foreplay BEFORE sex. Go down on her. Tickle her clit. Improvise sex toys. Have fun. Don't focus on PE. If you feel like you're going to PE, reach around and lightly tug on your balls. I read that this helps. There's a wonderful book that I wish you could get your hands on called Supersex by Tracey Cox. She's got a Q&A section on so many topics. If I find it, I'll write ya on what she says. I don't know where the book is since my DH cleaned out our room. If its under the bed, I can't get down on the floor. If I do, I'll get stuck (i'm 9 months pregnant with a bad hip). Just keep in mind that you aren't alone. And, if you're truly worried about your wife's satisfactio just ask her. Only she'd know if she was satisfied. Don't put pressure on herself or you. There are methods to prevent PE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 8:43pm

I was going to just continue to read the posts, but now I have just got to comment. I agree with the other women on this board my DH is more than happy to help me out after he is done. Being repulsed implies maybe you didn't aren't as attracted to women as you are to men. You have never mentioned if your PE is a problem with your male partner so I'm going to assume you have found ways around it there. I am familiar with ME cultures and know that some are stricter than others. You must live in one of the stricter one. Your marriage makes an excellent cover for your homosexual side and I'm sure you know it.

As for your PE there are techniques for dealing with it. Start alone or with your male partner: stimulate and stop, repeat. When you stop wait a few seconds this is supposed to help build up the time you can last. Once you feel you can last longer try it with your wife. This will take time. Help your wife out by putting something inside her while you stimulate her too. I don't care how you feel, this is about her. In time you may find you enjoy it more yourself.

Your wife told you to continue with your male partner and leave her out of it. Well don't bring him into your bedroom, period. If you want to help her enjoy your sex more talk to her about it and find out what she wants. If you bring him into this you risk opening a serious can of worms and I don't think you should go there. Okay, I've said my peace.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 8:57pm

Post 17 is a good reply! Good on you for expressing your opinion.

Well, we are getting nowhere with this discussion. It seems that sex toys are no option. It seems that finding another man for your wife is not an option. It is unlikely that your male friend or your wife will be interested in having sex with one another. It seems that performing oral or manual sex after you have ejeculated is not an option either.

I think that you need to talk to your wife about this. You need to tell her that you feel uncomfortable and bad that she has no options for sexual release. You need to tell her that you would be very happy to help her find a suitable option, whatever that might be, if she wants one. You need to find out what she truly and honestly wants and endeavour to provide that for her. There is little more to be gained from this discussion without her input and without knowing her views and feelings.

>>I would like to know if any men out there, how would they feel if they were made to perform sexual activity even after ejaculation.<<

My answer to that is while I usually have less interest in performing any sexual activity, I could easily continue with oral or manual sex if it was necessary. That is why I find it difficult to understand you when you say that it is _impossible_ for you to continue. For me, it is entirely possible, and in many ways, I would feel that it was essential for me to continue if it was the only way that my partner could have sexual release and orgasm.

>>do you think all men or women are OK with oral or finger sex ?<<

I think that all men or women would be happy to have finger or oral sex if it was the only way they could receive an orgasm.

>>Thanks for your great idea of getting men to do the job. But, I am not looking for men to have intercourse with my wife, no, not at all.<<

This is an option if you are truly interested in providing your wife with sexual satisfaction. You clearly say that you could easily find men to have sex with your wife. However, you say that it is not safe. When you say that, are you talking about sexually transmitted diseases? If so, I'm sure that you could arrange to have the man that you choose to have tests done before having sex with your wife. Surely, even in your country, a man can be tested for STDs? If you do that, you CAN be sure that it is safe.
Am I wrong? I think that you are making excuses so that you can dismiss this option.

You say that you are truly determined to find a way for your wife to be sexually satisfied, but you have dismissed several realistic options. Ultimately it will be her decision whether to go along with any option that you present to her. I think that it is time that you had a good talk with her.

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