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| Wed, 02-07-2007 - 7:29am |
Hi,
I use this board under a different name, but because of the nature of this posting, I have decided a new registration was required. Please bear with me, there is advice for Men and Women at the end of this email.
Yesterday, for the first time, I went with a prostitute. I had been thinking about this for the last 12 months, and finally bucked up the backbone to get on with it. The reason I went to a prostitute was simply that there was things that I wanted to try that my wife was not into, not prepared to try, didn’t want to get into, a million reasons.
I didn’t want an affair – I love my wife. I am just, well, I am just a man who needed that little bit more than my Wife was willing to give or try. Its not a good excuse, I know.
I wont go into the details – nobody here will want to read them. But what I wanted to report is that it was nothing like what I expected. It was… well, empty. The sex was average, it wasn’t thrilling, it wasn’t good. I just could not connect. It was almost like I was a robot. Half way though, I wanted to end it, and that’s just what I did. The prostitute did everything she could (she knew what I wanted to try before we met as we had exchanged details on the phone and by email), but her ‘ohhs’ and ‘ahhhhs’ were not my wife.
Am I unhappy I did it? A little. It was a waste of money (quite a lot of money as it happens), but then again, if I had not tried this then I would not have known. I tried some of the things my Wife didn’t want to. But at the end of the day, I would rather have done them with my wife.
The reason for posting this here, where I am sure that the name calling will start (hence the false ID), it to use the experience to give the following two items of advice:
Men. If you are thinking of doing the same, I cant recommend it – at all. If you are the type of guy who just wants unattached false sex, then maybe it will be for you. But it will not be sexy, or exciting. Bite the bullet, chat with your wife or girlfriend, and see what happens. Ok, the prostitute will let you do almost whatever you want (subject to the limits of the girl you pick, but for most, this is not much they will do including ALL the extremes you can imagine).
Women, please, remember that we are only men. Men are different from women (as you know). If we cant get it from you, then we will stray, either to prostitutes or worse, will have affairs. We run on need, visuals, experience, and both quality and quantity. If you can provide that, different things, interesting things, then we wont stray. If your SO talks to you about trying something, its because he is keen to try it and if he cant get it from you, he may well just go elsewhere.
Above all, its all about communication.
Ok, that’s it. Let the blood letting start.
Me.

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Some of the postings on this topic make me laugh. John has admitted what he has done to this forum and you know his story. But to say that you would not go out and find someone else becuase your other is too tired in mind and body and therefore cant have sex as often you want is intresting. Who says whilst he says he is so tired becuase at work, its not just that type of job that he is getting?
Nobody here, including me, knows what our other halves are doing all of the time. Yes, you can say 'oh my SO is good, he/she wouldnt do it to me' is just words - you cant be 100% sure. Not 100%. You hope, you pray, that your other half has not gone out and done the same as John, but you cant be 100% sure.
I believe that is what John was trying to say. But then again, I may be wrong. I suspect that a lot of women have a 'couldnt happen to me' attitude right up to the moment that the door slams on his way out. I think I am correct in that more men leave women than women leaving men due to sex issues.
Come on John, I assume you are still lurking under another ID and reading these posts. Can you provide more details please. I for one would be intrested to know...
1) What is it that your wife (I think it was your wife) would not do that you needed to go to another women for
2) How long had you asked her for whatever it was for?
3) Can you live with it? Are you going to bury it to the back of your mind and forget about it, or do you feel that the need will rise to do it again, or will the guilt get to you and you will admit in the future?
I am intrested in all of this (and therefore come out of lurking status) becuase as a man, I have had the same thoughts as John in the past - just not acted on it (yet).
Of course no one can be 100% sure, no one can be 100% sure of anything in life, you can't be 100% sure you'll still be living and breathing
Yes, some of them make me laugh too. So, tell us Jon, are you John?
Just in case, I think this is purely another selfish act with a real goal of clearing ones conscience ...
"will the guilt get to you and you will admit in the future?"
or perhaps it would be the selfish act of trying to share the blame, or put the blame on her altogether. Isn't that your point? Her selfish act forcing him to make a bad decision?
I haven't read the other responses in regard to your post but I say your post is garbage. Your advice to women that if we don't do what our man asks us to do they will probably stray??? You've got to be kidding me? So if my man wants anal sex and I am not interested and say no because I am a strong woman and know what I want and what I don't want he will stray???? If that's the case and are lumping all men in that I say then men need to stray out in the field with the cows and other animals that have such a small brain that they can't respect a woman's choice.
Shame on you. You cheated on your wife risking her a STD and the real shame is she has no clue you're less than a man. I feel sorry for your wife and hope that you become less selfish and learn real quick that sometimes we can't always get what we want in this life. If we can't and love and respect (oh wait no respect here) our signicant others we would be willingly to forego those things that we can't have.
Good luck because you're going to need it.
Reese
john fake
First thing, you would have found more sympathetic "ears" on the Mismatched Libidos board than here.
I think your choice of a Pro is better than an affair but too risky. I hope you do not get the utter humiliation of being caught by the cops or worse, end up on COPS.
Your reason for going is one that many men/women have thought about before. You acted on it and you seem to regret it. Let it go at that. Don't compound your mistake and tell her. Just move on.
Saying all men will always invite criticism since that it is impossible for ALL men. I agree that we ALL have desires but you have married someone who doesn't share them. Wether you didn't talk about it before you married or thought you could get from her later, you should accept it, or leave. Don't cheat, not even with a Pro.
Also, if you feel the need to go again then whatever your not getting is pretty important to you. Just get a divorce. Cheating is lame. Be a man and admit that you want better for yourself. Have the decency to respect your spouse's decision to no to something he/she doesn't want. I'm sure there are somethings you would not do in bed either.
Finally, just look at the Taboo boards. Lots of women who do just about anything you can think of. Better yet surf the web for amateur forums and you can hundreds of thousands of pictures/movies of women who do everything. This isn't the 50's. There is no need to hide your desires and most people don't hide theirs either. If you want facial, anal, oral, or anything else; there are plenty of men and women whom enjoy it. Just find them. Man you can even google them :P
Go your separate way and stop being a unfaithful spouse. Chances are she is tired of your begging for the "act" and in the long run she would be happier too.
mb
John, you did what you thought you had to do. And you didn't like it. I'm not surprised. I guess what you did was better than picking up a bimbo in a bar, which might have been cheaper, and even more "fulfilling". But, it's done now. Like everything else, you have to put it in the past and leave it there.
Like a few others, I am very curious about what these things are that your wife refused to do. You're anonymous, so fill us in! I know there are women who basically don't like sex, and they "allow" their husbands access, but don't enjoy it. Is that her problem? Tell us about the "problems" that drove you to this. You might even get more sympathy for what you did.
I don't think that I can agree with you. I think that you have managed to rationalise yourself senseless and ended up justifying it all in your own mind.
I'm in a situation in which, through no fault of our own due to an injury, my wife cannot have sex for days, weeks or at times, months. So if you want to talk about frustration about a poor sex life, talk to me, I have a thing or two that I can share with you. Regular sex is something that I miss a lot. Other things that she won't do are minor issues when you look at it from my point of view.
Cheating on her is something that I have thought about. It's not something that I have done as yet. Although I will admit that I often wonder what I would choose if faced with an attractive willing woman and opportunity during a low point. I honestly don't know what I'd do in that situation.
However, you talk about "men" in general. I think that you've used a big brush and are generalising when you talk about "men". I don't think that you can pass the blame back to the women in your situation. You have sex, you have regular ordinary sex. I don't see how you can justify cheating just for the sake of getting some sexual acts that you wanted.
jont
So if he liked it would it be ok to keep visting a hooker to take care of his kinky desire? I dont think so. In my point of view he has 2 choices he either gets a divorce or remains faithful to his vows. If you can't be a man of your word then get out and don't endanger others.
I also think he should not have sex with his wife until he gets tested. It would be a bigger tragedy if his wife were to get an STD from his romp.
Hi
I am not a new member but had to change my email, etc becuase I forgot that I had change email addresses. Every one.
I thank you so much for writing that John. It is sad that no one ever sees what you experienced. I am so sorry that you had to experience that. I am thinking of the worst things. I wish alot of people would see the heartache that you experience.
Everyone listen. I know people in my own life that have done not quite the same thing and it has caused pain for the family members including children I know. This proves to me that is sex is only for one man and one woman only ever not more than one.
? To me I understand and believe that sex to be a to think of the other person first and then your self not just your self. YOu want what is best for her too.
Judith
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