Am I Just Different???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Am I Just Different???
19
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 8:33am

Ok, I know that I have read that only like 20% of women can reach climax through intercourse alone, and the rest of us require at least some clitoral stimulation. Am I understanding that right? If so, then why do most men think that intercourse is all we need? Are they uninformed or is there something wrong with me. I have never been able to climax with just intercourse, but can easily with oral or manual stimulation. If the stats are right, then I am not alone. So where are these guys getting this misconception about women? Are that many women just faking it???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 8:41am

It doesn't mean women are faking it, maybe she is getting the stimulation that she needs.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:55pm

Many men are misinformed (especially if they watch too many movies with sex scenes). But really, each woman has different needs and men are not mind readers. It does take communication to know what he can do to please you, and what you can do to please him.


Wendy

sexy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:58pm

Unless the guys are reading information, the only way they're going to learn what a woman needs is to actually have women teach them.

Since they don't have a clitoris, and intercourse works for them ... how else would they know? Even if a guy has had several or many lovers, that doesn't mean he knows what to do.

I don't think you're different, but each of us is different. I can have orgasms without clitoral stimulation, but not always.

When telling a guy what you need, you don't always have to tell him straight up, "do this". You can reinforce the things that he does that feel good, or you can show him by putting his hand where it needs to be, or by stimulating yourself. I've found that once a guy knows how to help you have an orgasm, he's usually eager to do it often. (It's a huge ego boost for them, and a turn on to be part of that.)

I don't know the stats on women who fake it, but since the female orgasm is different than the male orgasm, it can be difficult for a guy to even know when a female does have an orgasm. If his partner(s) doesn't tell him that she's not done, or doesn't share with him that she hasn't had an orgasm, then he really won't know in many cases. Also, some women don't have orgasms even with clitoral stimulation. It's much more of a learned thing for women. Not having an orgasm doesn't necessarily mean she didn't enjoy having sex -- it's just different for different people.

I also think it depends on what type of relationship you're in. If you're having a casual encounter, then perhaps the guy doesn't even care if the female gets off. The more committed the two people are to each other, or the stronger their relationship, the more likely it is that he wants to please her as much as she wants to please him.





iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 1:51pm
If you are different then so am I.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 2:09pm
Welcome to the board, true_2008.



You said: "But because I know that I can't get off with just intercourse alone I should have stop him and made him play a little longer but no I said nothing he got his and I just laid there wondering why me. Now I don't want to see him again because I know he can't make me do it but is that the answer are should I tell him how I like it and what I need."



I don't understand why you feel like you don't want to see him again. Just laying there and wondering "why me" is never the right choice. You already acknowledged that you should have said something to him, and didn't. I know it can seem awkward, but think about it ... if you're comfortable enough with someone to get naked with them in the first place, shouldn't you be comfortable enough to talk to that same person?



The more you take control of your own happiness and your own sexual satisfaction, the more enriched your life will be. Here are a few articles that might be helpful to you and those in similar situations:



10 Things Good Girls Can Learn from Porn Stars

http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,9x7nhpjx,00.html


Better Sex, Easy as 1-2-3: 20 Tips Every Couple Should Know

http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,drruth_r9s4,00.html


5 Things That Can Ruin Your Sex Life (and how to avoid them)

http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexconcerns/0,,traceycox_7slp2dh5,00.html






iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 3:10pm

That is sort of what happened with me. He is quick to initiate intercourse but he knows I don't climax because he has seen me climax and knows how I respond. He has been having some problems with ED lately, so intercourse has been more about me helping

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 3:48pm

There are women who fake orgasms, there are women who

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 3:51pm
Why don't you want to see him again?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2007
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 4:31pm
Some guys just don't know, some really only care about themselves,if you get off that's fine too. This is the very reason I rave insanely about telling your guy just what you want and how you want it. Even if he is skilled, and well read, every woman is different. Needs and wants

May you live for one hundred Autumns

May you be prosperous for one hundred Autumns

May you be healthy for one hundred Autmns

May you b

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 3:18am

"If the 20% stats are true, then if a guy has been with 5 women it would have taken something other than intercourse to get 4 of them off, right?"

No, it means that the guy has four ex-girlfriends because he couldn't get the job done.

One thing that's important to remember and highly unfortunate, is the source of most sexual education for males these days: Porn (which is frequently just the man racing in and out as fast as he can, frequently not even caring that there is, in fact, a woman in the room who might be interested in getting more out of the encounter than friction burns) and friends (who are far more likely to say "Dude, I totally nailed that chick I met at the bar" than "Dude, I provided that woman I met last night with waves and waves of pleasure and ecstasy and I did not stop until she was completely satisfied, even though I had long since lost my erection"). Obviously, these are not the best sources for good information.

The best source of information is, of course, you yourself. If he asks, answer him, and if he doesn't ask, tell him anyway. You have to tell him what works and what doesn't, or he'll never get it on his own. I had a girlfriend who was very interested and very excited about sleeping with me, but when we finally got into the bed, she just lied motionless and silent on the bed. She'd hardly give me any pointers. I'd ask what I could do, and I wouldn't get a response. A few days later, all I was able to get out of her was that I should have pressed harder with my tongue on her breasts, and she guarded that like a state secret. It was as though she expected the geeky virgin to suddenly pull some kind of super sexual prowess out of the airwaves the moment I entered her. Always remember, he doesn't have the owner's manual to your body, so it's up to you to make sure he knows how it all works.

And as for the guy who thinks that women are supposed to orgasm (at will, apparently) at the same time as the man, let him know that you'd be happy to oblige, if he could just last a bit longer...

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