Am I just too small ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
Am I just too small ???
17
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 8:10pm
Wow, I finally found a place that I can ask questions about this stuff, without being embarrassed. Okay, My husband and I don't have the best sex, because he is a bit rough, and just rushes everything. I know that I am built small, but is there such thing as too small? He tells me that I'm too tight, then that makes me even more uptight. I have only been with two men in my life. My ex-husband, and my husband. My ex mentioned that I was small once or twice, but it was never a big deal. Is there anything that I can do to stretch out my vagina a little? I feel ridiculous asking these questions, but I just don't know what to do. I have children, but had them via c-section, because I was too small for them to even go through the birth canal. My husband is not huge or anything, he just makes me feel like it's my fault that it's a tight fit. Maybe it is, but I certainly can't change my body structure. If I could get a mans perspective on this, I would really appreciate it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 9:05pm

I don't think it has anything to do with the size of your vagina.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:39am
It is definately possible that your vagina is very small. THere are known cases of women who had vagina's so small that they were unable to have intercourse, but were otherwise normal. Only your doctor can tell you for sure. I did read about a case where a woman went through most of her life with that problem without really understanding it or talking about it. When her sex therapist figured out what was really going on he asked her ob/gyn about it. Her doctor had never mentioned it to her because she had never asked. He/she just figured that her husband must have had a very small penis and assumed that she would have expressed her concern if that was not the case. The moral is about communication, with your spouse and with your doctor. The couple ended up getting divorced. I think the husband wasn't really comitted to solving the problem and didn't want to try other forms of sex, but they're problems had been festering for years a(decades maybe? I can't remember) before she saught help. WIth care and understanding, it is something that could be worked through I think. OR surgery, possibly. Good luck, and talk to your doctor!

-Phat

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:06am

Yes Phat, it is possible the vagina is too small and I did tell her to talk to her ob/gyn about it, but under the circumstances.....he rushes everything and is rough, he makes her feel like it's her fault, etc.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:29am
Hi brindee!

Sorry you're going through such a difficult time.

Now, there IS such a thing as being too small...YES there is. It is an extremely rare condition that often doesn't get reported and dealt with unless its too painful/inconvenient to ignore anymore. Just FYI, but there is ALSO such a thing as being too big as well. In fact, for both cases, there is actually special surgery available after intense examination of whether or not one really needs it. The UK actually advertises a special clinic made up of mostly women who treat both of these conditions.

case, brindee, doesn't sound like this so far. You see, you were actually able to achieve penetration, so you are more in the normal range than you may think. I say this because the medical field does not consider a vagina too small unless the vagina is incapable of even receiving a tampon--according to what I've read.

You may actually suffer a condition more popularly known as "vaginismus"--very worth looking up in detail and certainly worth asking your doctor. Here's a quote I've read regarding this unique condition:

"Involuntary painful contraction of perineal muscles prior to or during vaginal intercourse. The experience of or even the anticipation of pain on vaginal entry causes muscles to contract, occluding the vaginal opening and causing further pain when penetration is attempted."

Now, even IF anyone here were able to advise you on any exercise or technique that would help "stretch" or "loosen" your vagina (other than good ol' fashion foreplay) to accept your hubby more comfortably, NEVER take the advice as is until you consult your doctor/gyno first...I cannot be any more serious about that.

I am dead on with Tish when it comes to my personal opinion of what is going on here. I simply couldn't re-word it any better. So please remember that you very likely DON'T have a according to the medical profession, TALK to you own doctors, read AGAIN what Tish said, and then find a way to peacefully and effectively communicate with your husband as well.

Others are bound to pick on me for saying this all the time, but if you are to the point of not being able to communicate this with your hubby and sex becomes virtually impossible, please consider seeing some type of sex counselor as well. Counseling serves to help you communicate your issues WITHOUT the blame game and provides very effective ideas for you as well.

Very good luck to you!

:)

:)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:34am
Don't get it -- my b/f says, "Tight is Right." It supposedly feels awesome for the guy the tighter you are -- that's one reason why some guys like anal I think. Just make sure you're lubed up enough and go for it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 5:30pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 5:50pm
I certainly think it's for mutual pleasure, no worries! But I think even the tightest fit will work fine with enough saliva, etc. Sometimes when we go for a super-quickie there's very little foreplay and he just spits on his hand, rubs a big gob of saliva on his penis head, and we're pretty much ready to rock. If both can contribute some spit, so much the better! I just can't imagine how she could be so tight that sex is physically impossible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 6:40pm
Hi everybody! Thank you all so much for the input, I really appreciate it. Just to clear something up, Of course my husband can penetrate. He just complains that it's too tight sometimes. I think that Tish is right on. I think that I get a mental block, whenever my husband approaches me for sex. It feels more like a duty, than a pleasure. But I do it anyway, because then he is in a good mood and happy. I really can't remember the last time my husband helped me to orgasm. Maybe 6 months ago? maybe longer. I have tried to talk to him about it. I have even bought him that topical desensitizer, and me motion lotion. But it still doesn't work. He says that The tight feel makes him orgasm way too fast. He goes way to fast, and gets a little rough, but he says he just can't help it, and that it's because of me, not him. So, I just deal with it, or not deal with it. Sometimes I am sore after we have had sex, but it goes away. I have been to the GYN plenty of times, and they have never told me that I was abnormally small. I think tht I will just have to try to have another talk with my husband about it. I thought of witholding sex until he got the picture, but I don't like to play games, and have never done that before. Again, thanks a bunch everyone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 6:58pm
OK, it sounds like you are smaller than normal. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's usually seen as a desirable trait in sexual folklore! It just means that you need to be relaxed, aroused and well lubricated before you can enjoy successful penetration. It sounds like you had successful and enjoyable penetration with your ex the vast majority of the time, didn't you?

Unfortunately, rough sex is not getting you relaxed, aroused or lubricated enough. I don't see that you need to worry about the physical or anatomical side of things. You need to change the way that you have sex. If your husband wants rough sex, he's going to have to wait to do it until after he's got you aroused and lubricated and to do it in a way that you enjoy. If that's not going to happen then he's going to have to change his style and become slower and more gentle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 7:24pm
I see that I jumped the gun with my last post. You must have be posting as I was responding! :0)

It's your husband that is the problem. Most men learn to control their orgasms to a greater or lesser degree. Sure, being tighter will make the feeling more intense for him but he should be able to train himself to last longer. But even then it doesn't matter so much that he cums fast if he is making sure that you are enjoying the sex too. And he obviously isn't doing that. What happened to the foreplay? Do the two of you 'warm up' with foreplay before penetration? Does he perform oral sex on you? Can you orgasm from oral sex?

I think that he needs to slow down generally, extend the foreplay session, be more attentive to YOUR needs and desires, and try slowing down his orgasm a bit when he does finally penetrate you.

I don't think that witholding sex is a good idea. It's better to sit down and have a good talk with him about it. If he's your husband he should be receptive to ways that he can make sex between the two of you more enjoyable once he recovers from the initial shock that you aren't really enjoying yourself as much as you could be. You could start along the lines of telling him that you are getting sore and need more foreplay so that you get more lubricated.

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