Am I just too small ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
Am I just too small ???
17
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 8:10pm
Wow, I finally found a place that I can ask questions about this stuff, without being embarrassed. Okay, My husband and I don't have the best sex, because he is a bit rough, and just rushes everything. I know that I am built small, but is there such thing as too small? He tells me that I'm too tight, then that makes me even more uptight. I have only been with two men in my life. My ex-husband, and my husband. My ex mentioned that I was small once or twice, but it was never a big deal. Is there anything that I can do to stretch out my vagina a little? I feel ridiculous asking these questions, but I just don't know what to do. I have children, but had them via c-section, because I was too small for them to even go through the birth canal. My husband is not huge or anything, he just makes me feel like it's my fault that it's a tight fit. Maybe it is, but I certainly can't change my body structure. If I could get a mans perspective on this, I would really appreciate it.

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Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:40pm
After reading all the posts here, It seems to me that your husband is a very selfish lover. Not every woman can orgasm from intercourse alone. If you can't, then he should take the time to work you up digitally, etc until you have your orgasm. Then you will be much more lubricated and receptive to his advances vaginally. He should also learn how to control his orgasms to give you more time. Last but not least, it is inexcusable for him to continually blame you for his own shortcomings. You had better start setting him straight (in a kind way, of course). I can understand your frustration. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 2:42am
You all are so kind. You have some really great advice. I'm going to talk to him tonight, wish me luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 5:15am
Be sure to let us know how it goes. Good luck!

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 2:04pm
Well, It went okay. First, we had sex lastnight, and after (about 30 seconds later), we discussed the problem. My husband told me that he doesn't know why he can't control things, but that it is very difficult for him. You know, I believe him. I think that he may have to see a doctor about it. He said that the tightness furthers the problem, because it helps him to orgasm really fast. I asked him if he could "help me along", the next time we had sex. He didn't lastnight, and I didn't press the issue. I figured that I at least got him to talk about it, I wasn't going to ask him to pleasure me. Does anyone have any suggestions for foreplay, aside from oral sex? Maybe some new ideas would help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 2:55pm
Happy to hear you got to the level of talking with him about it. My wife talks with me occasionally about the good AND the bad, and we try our darndest to just learn from it and not take it personally...sex just simply isn't going to be a perfect accomplishment and she & I are always getting better at remembering that its more about having fun pleasing the partner and then getting to enjoy it ourselves individually as well, but its not a mission. So we all, in my opinion, have improvements to make, LOL, even when it comes to our expectations. :)

Unless you're uncomfortable with the idea, I wonder what advice HE could get from one of ivillage's message boards about this when asking in his own words. Just something I remember a few couples in the past had tried.

The trick that works for us when it comes to foreplay is candlelight, instrumental music with storms or even streams flowing as added sound effects, and body massages using either heavily scented massage oils or even edible sensual oils. The oils make it easier to slowly explore the body with sensual grips and squeezes and gropings as our hands move across the body, once you've tried it, you'll see.

From there we may move on to oral or we may actually not be able to wait for intercourse from being so aroused by then and we'll sort of tease each other with a couple of different positions before getting to the big bang! ;)

These two message boards have helped me greatly with extra ideas as well:

How to Have Hotter Sex

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlimproveyou

Sexual Pleasure: Orgasms & More

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlpleasurepr

Hope things keep getting better for you. When they do, share the success!

:)

:)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 5:30pm
It sounds positive, and it sounds like he's thinking about what you've said and asked.

How about starting the foreplay outside the bedroom? You know, things like cuddling on the sofa in front of the TV, making a promise just before he leaves for work for a night of passion backed up with a quick description of what you'd like to do to him later in the day, maybe just get some touchy, feelie stuff going on at odd times? A sexy txt message can be fun. Bring back the kissing, the passionate kissing that has real feeling to it instead of a quick peck.

As for in the bedroom? Well, again, kissing seems to get left behind a lot of the time. You could try the old back rub and move a bit lower for a slow tease. Kiss him all over and get him to do the same to you. I think that a lot of the time you forget about how exciting 'making out' can be and just jump straight into the main course, so to speak.

There's always sex toys, maybe a simple vibrator could be a lot of fun. Show him how to use it on you. The lingerie still has a place, even if he wants to remove it quickly. Perhaps you could stop him removing it so fast? Or even leave it on the entire time for something different? You could tease him when he's about to enter you. Just let him put the tip in and then hold him back. Let him rub the tip against you. Continue that for a few minutes before he finally does enter you.

As para has said, check out some of the other boards for other ideas.

Good luck, and have fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:40pm
Hi everyone! Well, things are definately looking up! Westridge, Your advice about kissing, has worked wonders. My hubby and I have been kissing non-stop- almost. The teasing ones are my fave! They drive him crazy. In fact when he left for work, I gave him a soft kiss, and my tongue just grazed his lips, and he told me that it wasn't fair that he had to go to work, instead of staying home with me. He has the most incredible lips! I forgot how soft and smooth they are!! Now, we are so preoccupied with stealing kisses from each other! Chapstick, here we come! Kissing is definately underrated!

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