Am I normal

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2007
Am I normal
3
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 11:16am
Hi there everyone
This is very embarrassing for me but I know I have to do this. Im 21 and had 2 sexual partners but the thing is Ive never had an orgasm. I always thought is was due to not being emotionally comfortable with a person. But im with a lovely man who ive been with for a year and am comfortable with him. I tell him what I want and he trys so hard but it just doesnt happen please help me if u can
Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 11:49am

What is it he is trying?

Most women do not climax thru intercourse alone. We need to be worked up to this point thru lots of foreplay, and clitoral stimulation.

I think when we are actively "seeking" something, it is harder to obtain.

Sex needs to be fun, not pressured.

Relax a bit, tell him what you want him to do, or show him, and just enjoy the ride.

By the way, not to diss you on your age or anything, but when I was in my early 20's sex felt "good" but as I have gotten older (6 weeks shy of 34), wow it just rocks now. I think several things come into play when it comes to really mind blowing sex, age being one of them, maturity, comfortable with our own bodies, the age of our lover, their experience level...there are just alot of factors in my opinion.

Good luck!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 11:51am

Yes, you're "normal"....for you. There is nothing about having orgasms or not having them that makes you normal or not. You haven't learned how to have them yet, so for you, not having them is normal. Some women take years to learn how to have them, some women NEVER learn to have them.

Orgasms are wonderful, but they're not the be-all end-all of sex. They're the frosting on the cake. Orgasms come from 1) learning how to have them, and 2) allowing yourself to have them. It also helps if the man you're with understands the female body, and can do the right things to "help" you, but it's not up to him to "give" them to you, it's all up to you to have them.

Have you figured out what it takes to have them by trying to do it yourself? If not, that's the first step. Do you even know where orgasms originate? For most women (80+%) it is NOT in the vagina....it's from the clitoris. Very few women have vaginal orgasms without clitoral stimulation at the same time. You can do it, he can do it, or your postion can do it. Woman on Top is very good for a woman, because if she does it right, she get's lots of clitoral stimulation.

To learn more about your body, and what it takes to have orgasms, check out www.the-clitoris.com There are things there that you probably never knew about your body and your sexual response.

Last but not least, sexual activity (if done right) should produce "pleasure"...whether or not you have orgasms. Learn to enjoy that pleasure....and don't worry about orgasms. The more you think about orgasms, the less attention you're paying to the pleasure you should be having! Don't THINK about it, just enjoy what you're feeling. Eventually, if you just relax and enjoy what's going on, it will happen.

Stop worrying about what's NOT happening, and learn to enjoy what IS happening!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2007
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 2:00pm
Thank you very much for your sdvise it is much appreciated. I will have a look at the website and go from there
Thanks!