am i the one that's being wierd?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2004
am i the one that's being wierd?
8
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 7:05pm

My boyfriend and i have a very active sex life, we have been together for almost 2 yrs and the sex is always new and exciting.

In a recent talk about everything though, he mentioned that when he has trouble sleeping he helps himself....all by himself....when i'm asleep next to him.

Now, I don't often say no. I guess it must have been when i was really tired. He said it has nothing to do with sex, and that he's only done it a few times but that it is a very normal guy thing and that he doesn't understand my discomfort with it.

I don't know. I just assumed that since i was there...and like being woken up for a little surprise sex- or bj...to help him sleep- why would the hand be better?

and while i'm asleep next to him? isn't that a bit much???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 7:42pm

Yep, you're the one that's being wierd. He simply wants a quick bit of stress relief - it's not about sex or love.

Why would he masturbate instead of waking you up? Because if he does it himself, he can have it over and done with in 5 mins and finally get to sleep. If he wakes you, then he's got to put in the effort of not only satisfying himself, but you as well....that could take a lot of time when he'd much prefer to be sleeping.

He does it in bed next to you....do you seriously want him to get up and go to the bathroom? It would disturb his sleep even more.

In my opinion, him masturbating is only an issue if you're not getting enough sex.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 7:59pm
I'm with Aisha on this, he's very normal (and it's not just a guy thing).

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 11:52pm

Men masturbate! Happily married men, single men, and everything in between. It has nothing to do with sex, it has nothing to do with you. They like to do it!

It's probably more often than he admits to, but he's not going to tell you the truth since you have a problem with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 5:03am
And women masturbates too! I do that sometimes when I'm in bed with my husband. I know I can of course wake him up, but then it'll be a lot longer than I'd like it to be... I just want a quick release that would help me sleep, sometimes I touch him while masturbating but wouldn't wake him unless I really want to go at it for an hour. My husband knows all about it and has no problem at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 11:07am

It's like what Sir Edmund Hillary (sp?) said when asked why did he climb Mt. Everest. "Because it's there." or "Why does a dog lick it's balls?" Because he can!

For me a quick release during the night definitely makes me sleep better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 11:49am

Hi,

I haven't read the other posts, so I may be redundant, but your boyfriend is telling you the truth; masturbation is not the same as sex. Sometimes men and women just want a quick orgasm by themselves and if it isn't affecting your sex life (it didn't sound like it was)just let it be. If you were a massage therapist and he had a sore calf muscle and decided to rub it a bit himself you wouldn't take personally the fact that he didn't ask you to work on it for him would you? Masturbating is the same thing...it's really not about you at all.

Peace.
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 5:17pm

Men use masterbation as a way to relax and go to sleep. If he has to wake you up, it involves a bit more work and he is trying to settle down to get to sleep. Be glad you sleep through it and don't think anymore about it. It is totally normal for him to do this. I had to threaten to cut off my husband's hand if I got woken up one more time from it. He shakes the whole bed. Since then he has learned to be more discreet about it.

Physiologically, men can't help but get sleepy after sex, while women get more energy and are ready to get up and clean house afterwards. That is why women often prefer morning sex instead of at night. It's all good if you get get both!

Let him know that if he does want to wake you up for some fun that it is O.K. but that it is O.K. for him to do his thing too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 6:23am

>>Physiologically, men can't help but get sleepy after sex, while women get more energy and are ready to get up and clean house afterwards. That is why women often prefer morning sex instead of at night. It's all good if you get get both!<<

Hehe, We're the opposite... He's extra horny in the morning and I often nap after sex (which works now anyway, since I don't work so I go back to sleep after). Sometimes I help myself fall asleep at night by masturbation if he's already fast asleep. Never feel like cleaning the house after an orgasm... heck, NEVER feel like cleaning house anyways. (You mean house as in house, right? Not something else?).